is it spectacularly rude to not take a present to a wedding?

[oranges]

these threads make me realise how crap i am at gifts. if I travel abroad for a wedding, i simply don't think of getting the couple a gift - i tend to assume that the expense of going there is enough. and i only buy presents for very, very close family and friends if they get married, and even then it tends to be a watch, or take them out for champagne to celebrate. have i been committing huge mistakes? noone's ever complained but i suppose they wouldn't.

Yes, it is rude IMO. SOrry!

I agree with Aloha.

don't be sorry - i did ask!

not really
who cares?

A few years back dh and I went to a wedding about 200 miles away from home - we were so broke we couldn't afford to stay over, so we drove down in the early hours and didn't stay for the evening reception. The bride and groom were good friends of us both and we apologised for not having brought a gift (tbh it was a struggle to get the petrol money together). They said that the fact that we had come at all was our gift to them and meant far more to them than anything off a list

And I daresay there were a few people at my wedding who didn't bring a gift - but I never noticed/commented/cared!

personally I wouldn't dream of going without a gift.

Presents do not a wedding make
or something like that

Aren't you invited to a wedding because the bride and groom want you there to celebrate the happy occasion, not because you are obliged to buy them summat? "oh yes, let's invite Jane Bloggs so we can get that toaster we've always wanted."

Don't buy one, oranges. They won't notice .. honestly.

in my defence, i have travelled huge distances, when pregnant or with a very small baby in tow to attend some weddings, and the logistics of getting us all out there wore me out, which is why i just never thought about gifts. i barely thought about outfits for myself.

I don't think it's rude. A card or an expression of good wishes is enough IMO. Wedding lists are there to help people who want to give but the couple don't want to end up with tat. If there is no list I would not assume that I need to buy a present.

When we got married we asked people to bring food and drink for the day, but said no presents. People still bought us stuff because of protocol! We were grateful but would never think that anyone who didn't buy a gift was rude.

I should point out however that i probably WOULD buy a gift, unless i had gone to great expense by going abroad to go to their wedding, in which case a drink at the bar would hopefully suffice.

It's not about how much you spend. One of my most treasured wedding gifts was hand made and so, so thoughtful.

It is rude IMO. It really doesn't matter how small the gift is though. If they have a list, just buy them a teaspoon!

my next wedding, in canada this summer, the bride and groom have insisted on no gifts, so that one is sorted.

Maybe not spectacularly rude, but would you turn up to a birthday party or a dinner party without so much as a bottle of wine ?

I think it depends on the wedding. If you've had a terrific day, good food, drinks, and been asked to be a part of it all, then yes, I'd expect to take a pressie.
If it's someone twice removed, who has only invited you to the evening do, then no. But then if I've only been invited to the evening do, I don't go. I think it's expensive for them, expensive for us, and I'd feel I had to bring a decent sized present for being invited to a party!
Sorry, getting quite agitated on this whole subject, still haven't quite got over organising mine, and my parents instant assumption of so many rules/etiquette that nearly ended up with the whole thing being cacnelled :-) It was 4 years ago!

Bree -I had that same thought

i think i got put off by one wedding abroad, where the couple simply left most of the gifts behind as they could not be bothered to bring them home.

i don;t usually turn up empty handed to a dinner party, but it doesn't usually cost me several hundreds of pounds to attend one!

rude.
travel expenses dont count.
if you cant afford to go and tehwedding is far away. dont go.
unless
very good friends/family who want you there for your company. in which case, do as you see fit.
people wont complain about it, but nasty people will talk about you behind your back. it's up to you do decide ho w you want it to be.

why does it cost several hundred pounds to attend a wedding?
even at the cost of a brand new outfit every year to wear to the weddings, a pressie costing 25ish pounds and petrol money. how does that add up to several hundred pounds?

because the weddings are abroad.

So... not meaning to hijack oranges thread - but in the circumstances I described - was it ruder of me to turn up without a gift, than to not go at all and send a present?

(And before anyone says "well you could have taken something", we were emptying out the spare change box to get enough money together for the petrol)

No, it's not rude at all, although most people feel obliged to take something.

What is rude is to send a wedding gift list out without being asked - that implies you expect gifts. If a couple really must have a list, or people ask them what they want, they should keep a list but only send/give it to those who ask for it. That allows people to either give something on the list, give something totally different (yes, even another toaster or a hideous ornament!), or to give nothing at all.

Isn't it supposed to be the 'presence' not the 'presents' that counts - I would accept with pleasure a simple card or even nothing at all if I felt someone had made the effort to come.

I'm astounded people on here seem to think it's rude not to take a present - how rude!