is it spectacularly rude to not take a present to a wedding?

[oranges]

these threads make me realise how crap i am at gifts. if I travel abroad for a wedding, i simply don't think of getting the couple a gift - i tend to assume that the expense of going there is enough. and i only buy presents for very, very close family and friends if they get married, and even then it tends to be a watch, or take them out for champagne to celebrate. have i been committing huge mistakes? noone's ever complained but i suppose they wouldn't.

my sil got the most hideous presents for an engagement - gothic photoframes and garish fruitbowls i know she'll never use. i felt worse for the people who had gone to a lot of effort to but them.

I disapprove strongly of engagement presents!

i remember two gifts that the most chaotic people gave- a pepper grinder and a book of aubergine recipies from my wedding. they do still make me smile.

but i didn't get many other presents!

I disapprove of requests for money, wedding lists enclosed with invitations - that's pretty greedy IMO. But I do approve of wedding lists with lots of cheap things on!

When I got married I invited people because I wanted to celebrate with them I didn't invite them because I wanted a gift. However, having said that anyone who goes to a wedding without a gift is extremely tightfisted imo .

Someone bought up a serving spoon that must have cost about £5, and I think fondly of her every time I use it.

Exactly, you don't invite them because you want a present, but it does seem a bit odd and slightly selfish not to bring one. Not saying non-present-bringers are rude or selfish people, just that it seems a tad impolite to me, personally.

Lol Cod. I remember too .

Our best man didn't give us a present!!
I reasoned he didn't have a girlfriend to bring him into line.

I love the sound of some of the token presents, I'd rather receive that sort of thing.

Actually now I think abt it, I;ve still got a rolling pin someone bought me as a jokey present from when I got married.

I don't think you can say it's rude. It depends entirely on the circumstances. As Miaou described, I would far rather people had come to our wedding than bought us presents.

Wedding 'ettiquette' can be taken too far IMO.

And in any other situation, dinner, party or whatever, I would prefer people to accept the invitation and come empty handed than to decline because they couldn't afford to bring me a gift.

Iy's technically correct to give a wedding present up to a year after the wedding day. So even if you conclude that YABU, you can still make a mends for the more recent couples?

I would have no idea if there were people at my wedding who didn't give me a present. I certainly didn't tick people's names off the invitation list as I opened their present!

Malory, you def shouldn't take anything to a really posh dinner party though - big faux pas.
Not a prob I face often though!

its never really because i can't afford a gift to be honest, just that i'm chaotic about things like that. and i have been horrified at the way people do leave gifts behind or just distribute them to family because they don't want them. though i suppose that isn;t really anything to do with me.
i do take gifts to parties and birthdays.

I think silly to take gifts to a wedding abroad. Couple should have wedding list.

I wouldn't take the present to a wedding abroad - think of the weight allowance for the happy couple on the way back - I would give them the present before or after the trip

SweetyDarling - did you not make a note of who bought what so that you could do proper thank you cards? It's hard not to notice who hasn't bought anything if you are.

I like wedding gift lists. As a guest, I find it a PITA trying to come up with gift ideas, so if someone has gone to the trouble to tell me what they'd like, then I don't have to spend ages thinking, and can get them something that I know they are going to like.

Agree that taking presents abroad is somewhat silly.