is it spectacularly rude to not take a present to a wedding?

[oranges]

these threads make me realise how crap i am at gifts. if I travel abroad for a wedding, i simply don't think of getting the couple a gift - i tend to assume that the expense of going there is enough. and i only buy presents for very, very close family and friends if they get married, and even then it tends to be a watch, or take them out for champagne to celebrate. have i been committing huge mistakes? noone's ever complained but i suppose they wouldn't.

Have always brought a present, even if I have travelled abroad, etc for a wedding - but then I would only make the effort to go to a wedding abroad for a very good friend/close relative who I would want to get something for anyway.

As a bit of a hijack, my parents have been invited to a nephew's wedding (second marriage for both him and his fiancee) but to the evening reception only (it is in a different country to where my parents live ) - I thought it was a bit cheeky for the couple to include details of where their wedding list is held with the invite - they must have realised my parents wouldn't travel just for the evening reception (plus I could probably count on one hand the number of times they have met - but that's another story...) but seem to expect a present anyway....

miao, good god no - i think if they are close enough friends that you go to so much trouble for, they definitely want you there more than they want a gift.

people flew round the world at very short notice for my wedding and i was moved to tears. hardly anyone had time to sort out presents and it never occured to me to notice. the only people who gave gifts were my parents friends, who i didn't know that well.

and i have a real objection to buying something tiny or cheap that will never get used. its wasteful and of no use to anyone

ALL the money i spend on weddings, is usually on getting there and staying in a hotel. i've never bought myself a new outfit for a wedding.

english weddings are soooo full of ettquetter minefields.
if you cant afford it, then dont go. send a card thanking them for the invite , or a phone call, and say you are buys.
travel expenses still dont count. whether the wedding is next door, or another continent. because you dontt go somewhere purely to attend an evening reception. it gets truend into a holiday.
but if you cant afford it, then DONT go.

I don;t get this line, either from privacynomore

'if you cant afford to go and tehwedding is far away. dont go.
unless
very good friends/family who want you there for your company '

no one's invited me to a wedding just for the present, rather than my company, i think!

so I guess that means that in my situation you wouldn't have gone then, privacynomore?

that's the other thing about english weddings that annoys me. the expectation of guests forking out on hotels. why??????????????
if you invite someone, and they are comng all the way, the least you can do is put them up. nothing wrong with sleeping on the carpet/sofa etc.

miaou, i would only fork out that much money if i knwew my friend would be glad icame. period. i wouldnt spend a fortune when i knew i would end up resenting it.

To be honest, I think if the bride and groom, or anyone in their families, have nothing better to do either before or after the wedding than to check who hasn't sent them anything, and to gossip or moan about it, then it says more about them than about the guest who hasn't taken a gift.

We chose to get married abroad without any fuss, but some of our close relatives and friends still gave us gifts afterwards. We thanked them, and meant it. Some really close friends and family (and I do mean very close) DIDN'T buy us anything - we didn't, and don't, think any less of them. That's not what it's about.

i don't think its rude at all
actually i think wedding lists are a bit rude

A;; ILL SAY IS I REMEMEBR WHO DIDNT BRING ONE TO OURS

do you still speak to them cod?

I wouldn't go to a wedding without giving a present but I would be gutted if I thought that someone I cared about did not come to my wedding because they could not afford a present.

er no.

Bit fed up with having to cough up for fancy crap for friends who are all on good money and well into their 30s.

Agree with portonovo. I've always thought wedding lists are rather cheeky.

Forget about the present. They won't even notice, and if they do, I'm sure they'll be able to work out for themselves why you didn't bring one. If they're getting married because they want to be together - not for the le Creuset pans - they won't give a stuff.

So do I - but I didn't mind (plus they were mostly single blokes who were more interested in chatting up any spare females than worrying about gifts )

OH YES HEIDI I REMEMBER
OH YES PETE I REMEMBER
OH YES TRVOR I REMEMBER

That was in reply to Cod's post btw

MINE MAD NOISES ABIOUT bringin one so gace us the idea we wwre gtting one
then wrer ecrap

oi ornages tlak fluff filters to me

i posted on fluff filters and you ignored me. i de fluffed and it changed my life. my home is now a haven of clean sheets and sweet smelling shirts. and my marriage is saved (seriously)because dh has taken the hint and does some of the laundry himself.

A lot of our guests had to travel for the wedding so i really didn't mind about pressies (but it was nice to get some some)

REALLY??
i am laundry quene
i coulnt find the thread
i did see your original thing saying oi cod look at it , then got distracted

so a fluff filter would make a charming wedding gift?

better no gift than crap gift

cheese?
my gift for all seasons

I couldn't do it, I'd feel guilty going and enjoying thier celebrations without a gift.

I'd have loved cheese!

Still think of the people who bought our toaster, roberts radio and saucepans every time I use them!

I don't think you have to go mad, but even four teaspoons is a gift, and to me, it's part of the ritual, part of the deal, and if you can't afford it, then that's OK, but if you can, but don't, then I do think that's a bit rude. Like turning up at a dinner party empty-handed.

Single men often don't think about presents IME.