Not suicidal, just really depressed

[Lonelymum]

Does anyone else feel this way today? Is there anywhere on the internet I could go to for help?

I had a really bad time when dh was working 'up north' for 3 months and both kids got chicken pox - had to drag 2 sick kids round Drs, chemists, food shopping, had them refusing their medicine - yeah that was the worst for me..... lots of crying on the phone to dh in his luxury hotel room

Yes my dh always makes out it is hard going back to a sterile hotel room every evening, but if you gave me the opportunity to have a meal cooked for me and the washing up done and then an evening in bed with the TV on, I know what I would say!

Speaking of which, off to make tea for four children, then take two oldest to Beavers, then bathe all four and get them to bed. Thanks to all Mumsnetters who took time out to talk to me today. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Lonelymum - mumsnet really helps me when dh is away - I didn't know about it when ds1 was a baby, but I never feel lonely now - I usually read the 'fun' threads and maybe do some chat in the bar.

Anyway will have to go and get ds2 from nursery now. So bye bye, have a nice evening when the kids are in bed - do some Mumsnet.

Lonelymum, I have just found this topic. I hope you feel a little better now after these lovely mumsnetters have talked to you.

I could have written your post myself. I don't feel like this all the time, but now and again life really gets me down and I am wondering 'is this it?'

Before I had DD who is 2, I worked full time, had a good social life and lots of friends. DH and I had lots of time together.

I have changed jobs, work part-time at a place closer to home which is convenient but I don't have such close friends as before. I hardly get out socially anymore and I feel burdened by childcare as my DH works odd shifts and I resent the fact that he seems to get out more than I do. I have lost touch with old friends and apart from mumsnetter meet-ups, find it hard to make new friends. I know lots of people to say hello to, but feel awkward asking 'will you be my friend' like the new kid at school.

I feel like an intruder really, but so much of the support you have received rings true for me also.

Lonelymum - FOUR kids - no wonder you're fed up - 2 seems like too many to me

hope your day improved lonelymum and thanks for asking after me

I feel a lot better now I've seen the GP - I got myself into a right state before the appointment - shaking, sweaty palms, feeling sick ... it's horrible having to admit you're not coping, BUT she was really lovely and sympathetic and that in itself made me feel a LOT better. I suppose just getting that validation from someone completely outside the situation that you are not being stupid/feeble/pathetic is therapeutic in itself.

Won't go into all the details, but she has prescribed prozac and told me I must take it for six months, even if I feel better before the time is up. I was on ADs earlier this year, but stopped taking them as soon as I started to feel better and in her opinion that was a mistake. She told me to think of it as a course, rather like antibiotics.

She also gave me the numbers of a couple of counselling services I can try, and signed me off work for a week. I'll probably go back and ask for more time off as I really don't feel able to cope with my job at the moment.

I really really think you should go to the doctor lonelymum. Even if you don't want to go down the medication route, it really helps to talk about it and receive the sort of validation I received today.

Hi SM, glad that you feel better after being to the doctors. I've been told to keep on taking the Prozac for 18 months to 2 years after I feel 100% better to prevent relapses - eeeek! So I guess that is what they have concluded with SSRIs - that if you take them for longer you are less likely to get relapses. Hope you get a chance for some indulgent me time during your time signed off work - or to find a less stressful job

Morning everyone. Wish I could say I felt better today but I had a hellish night. After I put the kids to bed, I had time to think about me and realised I had cystitis! This is quite a major worry for me as I have had a kidney operation in the past and as a consequence one of my kidneys is partially missing. As a result, I have been told to treat cystitis very seriously so I was up half the night drinking water and weeing. This morning, the cystitis seems to have gone (though I can hardly believe it) but I am shattered and feeling very wobbly physically and close to the edge emotionally. This wasn't even the slight medical problem I mentioned yesterday: that was something else again. I am falling apart!
I was glad to hear you got through the dr's appt Ok Spacemonkey. I hope the Prozac works for you. I didn't mean any disrespect when I said yesterday that medication wouldn't solve your problems. I just meant everyone has to find the real solution as well as the short term one. I would worry if I took ADs that I wouldn't be in charge of my emotions anymore. How do drs know when you are ready to come off the pills? What if you find you can't live without them? This would worry me.

Hi Lonely mum - I'm here again - sorry to hear you had a bad night. Isn't ther something you can buy over the counter for cystitis?

yes but it really seems to be gone this morning. Very peculiar for me who used to have terrible cystitis before my op. A lot of people do just get rid of it by drinking loads and boy was I drinking loads last night!

Better keep drinking today as well - don't want it coming back.
I wasa thinking about you last night - going back to work would be very stressful with 4 kids to organise - perhaps not a good solution at the mo. Do any of you kids go round friends house, or do you have other people's kids round to yours? JJust thinking that I've met a few mums that way - not bosom buddies but nice for a chat now and again.

My kids aren't the most sociable although they do have friends. Because I am shy, I think that holds them back a bit. I was not exactly out there issuing invitations on their behalf when they were smaller. TBH, they are close in age and tend to play happily with each other. I do have mums I chat to though - was chatting to someone last night, and always find someone on the school run - but that is not the same as having someone you can tell your woes to, is it?

I did try returning to work a couple of years ago (before getting pg with no. 4) and you are right, I found it too hard to juggle everything. My heart wasn't in it and it was not the sort of job you can do half heartedly.

my thinking was that you lure the mum in with the offer of a cup of tea when they pick up their offspring, then you test the water by saying how hard it is with dh working away etc. Some people are good for a moan, but others aren't.

Agree with you about own kids playing with each other - I don't oftern invite kids round - someone I know with 1 child has been a very dedicated networker since our boys hit Reception, but I just can't be that bothered...in the nicest possible way I mean

Hi lonelymum - sorry to hear you had a difficult night and I hope today is better. I didn't take offence at all re: medication by the way. I don't like taking anti-depressants, but I would rather take anti-depressants (for the rest of my life if necessary) than be depressed. SSRIs don't turn you into a zombie and as long as I don't suffer any debilitating side effects (which I haven't in the past) then I don't see anything wrong with taking them. Of course I would prefer not to need them - depression seems to be inevitably accompanied by feelings of failure and inadequacy (for me anyway, but I'm sure I'm not the only one), but although of course depression is a psychological condition, it is also a chemical imbalance which can be treated. I'm not a masochist, I don't like suffering, so I will take whatever help I can find to feel better. I sound defensive and perhaps I am, but really I am trying to explain my rationale for accepting medication as a valid way of helping myself out of this and am not at all offended if other people don't agree with me!

You have a very admirable attitude. I am so pig-headed and proud, it porbably makes me my own worst enemy.

lonelymum, (sorry haven't read whole of thread) do you know anyone well enough to get them over (sod the mess) for a book group/knitting thing ?? i've done both and they tend to be wine-fuelled chatty evenings, held at alternating homes, with babysitters when necessary. i must admit i couldn't cope with staying at home all week - i work 3 days - and my dds would definitely notice what a grump i was if i had to...
x

Lonelymum, maybe if you started issuing the odd invite - a cup of coffee or a lunch date with the mums you do chat to you may find one of them does become someone you can tell your woes. One of my closest friends is someone I met in the playground when ds1 started school just two years ago. Today she is one of the best friends I have ever had. Maybe they are just as nervous as you about getting together. I guess someone has to make the first move.

I agree with Kayleigh, lonelymum - is there anyone in particular you have chatted to who you get on with particularly well? Could you do a rudimentary tidy the night before (I find chucking everything into a cardboard box or two and hiding them in my bedroom does the trick, although it can then be many weeks before it all sees the light of day again) and then take a deep breath at the school gate in the morning and go for it?

And if she can't because she's busy, suggest another day!

I know you are all going to think I am copping out here, but my best response to all these ideas is that I will try them (probably all of them!) WHEN WE MOVE! Dh has been offered a good job but the offer is only verbal at the moment. When it is given in writing, it will hopefully still have the same good terms and conditions and then we will move very quickly. I know you would tell me not to pin my hopes on this, but I am fairly confident about it. Dh and I both feel it will mean a better life for us. Till then, what is the point fo getting friendly with people I will only have to leave soon.

Lonelymum - you've made a decision - that's good - if it's not worth making the effort now - and if you're shy it would be an effort - save your energy until you move.
In the meantime, keep posting on mumsnet and have a moan with us

Lonelymum, I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling. My husband suffers from depression so I have a wage idea what is going on with you. He doesn't want to take medication either but is now taking St John's Worth because I asked him to. He doesn't think it makes a difference, but I know it does. It takes the edge away, hope you understand what I mean. He basically doesn't feel quite so suicidal which means I can go out of the house now sometimes without worrying that he might not be around anymore when I am back - although I still worry.
A few month ago I started working in a network marketing company which gets me out a lot (I needed that!) and my husband is now helping sometimes and starts meeting some of the people I have been in touch with. He is also really really good with children and sometimes I take him with me to nurseries or pre-schools - I am selling educational products - and he loves it and really gets out of his shell if he is doing ok and isn't too depressed already. Sorry for the long message, but I hope it helps to hear that you are not alone. Do you know yet where you are moving to?

Still waiting for a written offer - this company is American owned and they sure take their time about things! However, if the offer is forthcoming and dh still likes the job,it will be to Bristol or South Gloucestershire.

Hi there, do you know anybody in the Bristol or South Gloucestershire area yet? Sounds like a good idea to go away and start again. Just make sure you actually go out yourself, take your kids to activities etc. Make sure you go out and don't stay at home and end up feeling like you do now. I really hope you are going to feel better soon. Have you thought about taking some herbal stuff like the St John's Worth?