Not suicidal, just really depressed

[Lonelymum]

Does anyone else feel this way today? Is there anywhere on the internet I could go to for help?

Lonelymum, at school in the morning, after your kids have gone in, why not ask one of the others back for a coffee right then?

Sorry ds3 has just unscrewed a cap off a small hotel bottle of bath foam I was saving for dd and spilt the contents all over a crowded table of papers. I had better get off the computer and do something about it. Thanks for sending me your thoughts everyone. I have stopped crying at least. Please let me know anything else you think of. I will come back on later in the hope that someone has posted. Thanks. Bye.

Glad you have stopped crying anyway! Hope you feel a bit better the rest of the day too.

Just had to say Jan, the usual reason I couldn't do that (apart from the fact that I am convinced they would say no) is because the house is always a huge tip when we leave for school in the morning, but I guess those are just excuses. Ds3 is now breaking the computer, so I must go.

lonelymum i'm so sorry you're feeling so down, it's horrible and i've been there recently and will no doubt be there again. keep posting. mners will be really supportive of you. being in limbo is horrible, i'm still in it in terms of where we'll live next, but feeling better as at least now i know for sure we're moving. please don't write counselling off completely. there are as many bad counsellors out there as any other profession and you've got to click, so maybe when you're feeling up to it, you might give it another try?

i know today is awful...especially without the support of your dh tonight. but try and get through it. be nice to yourself. when the kids are in bed tonight, have a long hot bath and maybe a good cry (always makes me feel better). could you go to the library this afternoon and get yourself out some good books, sounds rubbish now i'm saying it, but always makes me feel a bit better if i've got a good book to read.

it only takes meeting one nice person, not a soul mate, but just someone you can get on with and drop in on to change how you feel about everything...hang in there, it will get better soon. i find that when you admit things are awful to yourself, they tend to start changing and by posting on here you're doing that.

Hi Lonelymum. started off reading this thread just after you started then DS started playing up so only just had time to get back to it!

stuff the state of the house. can't think of a better excuse for a house being a tip than having 4 kids!

Re:doctors/counsellors. Agree with sobernow/sm that although pills aren't a magic wand and that you will have the same problems as before, if you are feeling less depressed then you will feel that much more able to cope with them. With counselling/therapy - there are different types. Personally i found the inner child type - go back to your childhood and give your five year old crying self a hug and say what you would have wanted to say to her stuff depressing and counterproductive. But cognitive behaviour therapy I have found much more useful - it focusses far less on the past, but on getting you to think more positively and realistically about yourself and other people's reactions to you.

agree with sophable about good books/or DVDs/or music or whatever you are into. Get the kids into bed then settle down doing something purely to make you feel better.

take care

Lonelymum - I can totally sympathise about not wanting to invite anyone back because the house is a tip. So is mine - and I really mean that. It is one of the biggest things to get me down. But I have to say, that on the occasions when I do clean, I feel so much better for it.

Why not set yourself the goal of tidying one room to sit in and invite 1 or 2 mums over for coffee. You do not need to prepare anything fancy - a few biscuits are fine.

What ages are all your children?

I remember forcing myself to go to the mother and toddler group which I actually hated for months
Then I decided to go on the committee (which I had avoided because I thought they were a clique)
Anyway, I then discovered they were actually all nice women (mostly), all trying to have some kind of life outwith constant childcare.

I also got involved in the school parents association. I have some very long term friends now from those early days.

Please try out your GP. I know mine socially but he has been excellent when I have gone to see him and cried in his consulting room because I have felt so low. I never needed medication but I felt so much better after talking to him. I know that he keeps our discussions confidential because that is part of being a doctor.

Enrol in your night class anyway - your husband might have difficulty getting another job and you may find you are still in the same situation when the classes start. You can always cancel it if need be. Don't leave your life on hold.

This post kind of jumps about a bit but I hope you can see some sense in it. You are not alone - many of us have been there. You can make things better - you just need a bit of support. Friends do not happen overnight but you may find that you actually click with someone at the school or playgroup. Give it a go.

Hello Lonely mum, I just wanted to echo what Mears said. I think you should just do things like your evening class as it will give you something to look forward to and the move could take longer so sort than you think anyway. I feel like my whole life has kind of been on hold for a long while as we try to a)have another baby and b)decide whether we're leaving the country. It's really debilitating and I've now decided that I'm just going to do as much as possible - sod the future I need to look after what's happening now. As others have said I think that taking small, small steps can be helpful - just invite one person round and see how it goes. Another thought - even if you have no belief at all you could try going to the local church - they might have a creche during the service on a Sunday and you could meet some other people there. They might do a mothers and toddlers group...just a thought. Hope things start to get better soon.

also agree with sophable about the therapeutic value of a good book - getting lost in a book is my top escape route from feeling crap

loads of good advice here (which is useful for me too!), do keep posting lonelymum

Thanks for the advice. I know it is good. Just don't feel able to act on it right now. Have spent most of the day so far staring out of the window. Just found out I have a small medical problem too which is getting me down more. Life is just too hard right now. I know I am bad because that news of the kids in Russia makes me cry every time I hear it and I am usually quite immune to that sort of emotion.

Hi lonelymum - I'm another one who can relate to what you're saying - I went back to work when ds1 was 6 mths old as my dh worked away so often that I didn't want to be home alone.

BTW - I'm a SAHM now and my children are 5 and 3 - one is at school at the mo and one in nursery.

Iota - did you find that working wasn't the answer for you? How do you find being a SAHM now?

Spacemonkey - did things go well at the doctors today? Did she give you anything or just listen to you?

Lonleymum - I was really glad I went back to work after ds1, but after ds2 it became tougher and I went part-time. DH was around more - coming home at night , but working long hours, so he was no help with the kids.

Last year I was made redundant, and ds1 went to school in the Sept, so I decided not to face the hassle of school, after school, holiday club and nursery and decided to be SAHM.

I do a lot of the stuff mears recommended - persevered with M&T groups anfd eventually made some really close friends, who I see regularly with ds2 (3) Also do Parents Assoc at school and nursery. Have also been going in to school to hear the children read once a week. Also keep up with a couple of working friends by having lunch with them whilst ds2 is at nursery. And of course, if want a bit of adult conversation, I log in to Mumsnet and sit here with a coffee.

It was a big change for me after working for years, but I like my life now, although I sometimes feel like a domestic slave!!!!

Yep I know that feeling.

mind you I haven't done much slaving today - decided to give myself the day off after teh joy (!) of the school holidays and ds2's birtthday party on Sat.

I'm doing a spot of mumsnet before I ahve to fetch ds2 from nursery - have just got ds1 from school. Then it'll be slaving over a hot stove before dh gets back around 7.30pm - what a life?

Hey listen, at least your dh is coming back tonight. Mine isn't until tomorrow

well mine went to visit his parents for 2 days last week, and I had to get ds1 off to school and do the preparations for ds2's party.

Mind you at least I didn't have to spend a w/e at the in-laws

oh that is bad (leaving you to do all the prep, not what you inferred about your in-laws).

it does really suck when the dh is away though doesn't it? Mine worked in Dublin for a year just before ds2 was born - that's why I worked - had to get away from ds1 and get some grown up time

Yes. I don't realise how much I depend on mine until he isn't there which is more and more often at the moment. I have been putting up with this for five months (nearly) and it is really cracking me up.