Not suicidal, just really depressed

[Lonelymum]

Does anyone else feel this way today? Is there anywhere on the internet I could go to for help?

Sorry, I live in West Sussex.

Lonelymum, where do you live?

Ok, posts crossed.

I suppose this is obvious but the Samaritans only promise to answer an email within 24 hours. I was hoping for something a bit more immediate than that. I will stick with Mumsnet if anyone will talk to me.

Thanks Sobernow. My self esteem is so low, I sometimes feel I am not liked even on this website. How daft is that?

Very daft

But understandable - we all feel like that too sometimes!

Well said sobernow.

We are all real people behind our keyboards anyway.

I'm going to see my gp in an hour's time to tell her I'm anxious, depressed and not coping. Dreading it. It's bloody difficult isn't it, and I'm lucky enough to have family and friends to help me out. So I really do sympathise lonelymum. And I really think you need to register with a different GP as soon as possible and seek out some support.

So what are we all doing here? Some of you seem so sorted and sociable, I can't understand why you aren't out there gettin on with life. Me, I haven't got a life to get on with.

The way people seem on here isn't necessarily the way they are in RL...

Posts crossed Spacemonkey. I'm sorry you have to see your GP today. Perhaps they will be able to sort you out although I don't think medication is the answer to anyone's depression, just a way of helping you cope.

I agree about the medication - of course it's not a cure, but it can and does help in that it lifts you out of the pit enough to let you cope with the day to day stuff and start tackling the underlying problems yourself - well, in my experience anyway.

sm, I'm sorry to hear that too, you have been through an awful lot of upheaval this year, I hope this is just the aftermath of all that and you can get through it soon...

thanks janh XXX

I know just how you feel. When we moved to the village where we now live, I didn't know anyone. My friends and family were all too far away to just pop in. I fell pregnant as soon as we moved in, and I basically went through the whole pregnancy without knowing a soul in the village. I didn't know who I could leave my other children with when I went into labour. I asked my next-door-neighbour, whom I hardly knew and she took them in when it happened. I remember being very low because I was lonely and life was very boring. I used to watch the clock all day waiting for my daughters and husband to come home.

We've been here five years now and we know loads and loads of people - we can't walk out the door without meeting a friend. Here are some of the things we did to meet people:

Formed a baby group with other mothers at my doctors surgery - made 4 friends that way and friends for my son too.

Held parties and barbecues every so often and invited all the neighbours - they turned out to be a delightful friendly bunch.

Attended one or two social events at our daughters' then school and got to know one or two of the other mums and dads.

Found out about local events and clubs and went along. I put my name down for various village activities and some of them worked out, some didn't. But even the ones that didn't last introduced new people into our lives.

DH and I started popping out to the local pub in the evenings sometimes and we have made friends there.

The whole family uses the village hairdressers and we have got very friendly with the couple who run it.

I joined an evening class and gained a useful qualification out of it. One of the teachers is the mother of DD1's friend and we got to know each other better along the way.

If we need any work done on our house we often use local tradesmen and some of them have become friends too.

At first it is difficult and these relationships take time to develop. But all of a sudden you find that you have become part of the village life and people all around you know you.

Of course, there is the additional advantage of mumsnetting. I have met-up with many many mners and some are now enmeshed into my normal social life - Kayleigh and I are going out for a curry this week for example. Have you been to any meet-ups? I recommend them.

Depends what you mean by on your own Sobernow. The way I see it, I am on my own until dh comes home late tomorrow night. Right now I have ds3 with me and dd comes home at 1 pm and dss1&2 come home at 3:15, but they are all little. I can't burden them with my grief and tbh they only add to it anyway.

Does your dh know how you are feeling lonelymum?

Hi lonelymum

Now that your children are at school, is there an opportunity for you to find yourself a little job, I work a few hours in Woolworth (not much to brag about, I know) but it gets me out for a few hours, its not brain surgery and I have made a few friends, the money is not much, but it will help towards Christmas.

You are not alone, as others have said, so many people look completely different to how they are feeling. Do you know any other Mum from the school, have you thought about asking the school if they need any help.

Listen to me, full of ideas, I really should listen to my own advise sometimes. Take Care

I know you are right Anorak. I have tried many of the same techniques myself and I can honestly say that I could not go into our village without meeting at least one person I know to say hello to, but proper friendships never seem to result. We may be moving now which I am half happy about and half dreading. Either way, our lives are in limbo and I cannot make any plans because I don't know where we will be next month. Eg I was going to start an evening class this term, but I can't now. The stress of all the uncertainty is really getting me down.

Sorry, I took so long to write my message, it had moved on

Spacemonkey - YES he does. BIG time! He is trying to change his job (long complicated story) which would be why we would have to move. Hopefully a new start would buck me up.
Golds - no I still have an 18 month old at home. I have often thought about going back to work, like you, any work, putting him into childcare but it hasn't quite come to that yet.

I have always believed that the best way to get to know someone is to get your feet under the same table. If you sit and eat with someone or go to the pub with them you sit and face each other and talk and listen properly.

If I were you I would invite some of the women you know round for lunch. It only takes one lunch to know whether or not you have clicked. If not, no harm done. If you both enjoy it, in most cases you will get an invite back, and so the friendship develops.

You could have a home shopping party of some kind and invite all the women you know in your village, lay on some wine and crisps, and you'll find the talk will go on after the shopping is finished.

Have a bbq or wait till nearer Christmas and have a sherry and mince pie evening and invite all the neighbours opposite, either side, either side of them and anyone who backs on to you. Just knock on the door, say hi, I'm X, I live over the back there. We're having a barbecue Saturday week, and we'd love to see you there. It seems such a shame we don't really know each other.

I do have a bit of social contact of that sort Sobernow. The school run is usually a good time to talk to adults but then we all go home (or at least I do - I have never been invited to anyone's house) and then I have the rest of the day/night to face alone.