I'VE LOST CONTROL

[johnnydeppsmistress]

I have totally lost control with my 4 year old. She is either very nice or sweet or very horrible and nasty - there is no in-between. She is a very angry child who rules the roost. Whatever method I try with her (ie time out, rewards etc) it never works.

She will cry for hours if that's what it takes for her to get her own way. She is violent and pinches, kicks etc. It has got to the point where I cannot control her. Last night after another tantrum and aggressive behaviour from her I tried to suffocate her. I am too scared of asking for help in case she is taken away from me.
I love her but also hate her when she has her tantrums which have become more and more frequent. I don't know what to do. I have not told my husband yet.
Is it abnormal to have these feelings, if it is how do I get help without involving social services?

jdm,

If it makes you feel any better I'll confide in you that when I was feeling really ill and low (I had a debilitating virus at the time) I pinched my baby son 3 or 4 times (it was rage and frustration),and felt nothing - no remorse when he cried. That was objectively appalling behaviour on my part - a defenceless baby for heavens sake. I've never felt the same before or since, but I do understand how this totally uncharacteristic behaviour can happen. It can occur when you are on the precipice of breaking down (for whatever reason) Don't beat yourself up about it - but do seek help. Obviously your daughers behaviour is taking a real toll on you...

JDM please don't let your DD know what you thought "I knew she was going to be a handful the minute I first felt her move in my womb!"

My mother told that to me as a teenager, it was very painful, and someway I realised that no matter how good I was, or whatever I did she had already that preconception and I was not going to be able to change it. That day I stoped trying to please her and just kept a civilised relationship with her as if we happen to be neighbours living the same house. I think she was not my mother since then until DS arrived (15 yrs?).

If your child knows you don't like her, that you preffer her brother to her, she will try to please you first, but any kind of attention is better than none and if annoying you gets her that attention she will try that route.

You both need help, I don't blame you I understand how difficult it may be but it may be also hard for your DD

Lots of hugs and patience

message withdrawn

johnnydeppsmistress - how are you?

please dont think you are a bad person.children can and are selfish they think the whole world revolves around them and no matter what you as a parent try and do they will still be rite.
for a start i think you should sit down and talk to your husband so you can deal with it together and will provide continuity in front of your child when she exerts this behaviour. You could go see your GP, they should be able to make a referral to a behavioural specialist without involving social services, remember social services are not there to break up families, they work to keep the family unit together and suport the unit, sometimes may not feel like it but it's not always as bad as it appears. look around you at friends and family see who you can trust for support and help, even if just someone you can talk to about it who will listen without judging, i think you are very brave to admit your true anger/feelings towards her when she shows this behaviour. i hope you sort it out and things get easier good luck