Social services

[chloeeboww98]

Hey guys, ive never posted before nor have i used the app.

Ive recently had a social worker come and work with my and my partner. We are still in the very early stages of social care involvement. Shes still writting up the assessment and shes decided to put my LG on a child in need plan. Ive had social care involvement before 3 times and shes been on a CIN before, but my mind has gone blank on what happens next. They are involved due to a past of DV. I left my LGs dad at the beginning of the year and left and moved 2 hours away for 6 months and then we ended up back in touch. Hes comepletly changed and has really turned himself round after going down hill massively when we left. I suffer really bad with anxiety and cant go to baby groups due to this. I had a meeting with the SW, and one of the first things she said that will go into the plan is getting me down the childrens center for groupz etc. I physically cannot do it. Im on medication for my anxiety and depression, i know i need to go back in them but anyone who suffers with anxiety too will know how hard it is to call the Drs to make an appointment let alone actually going to it. My partner suffered with a crack addiction and homelessness when we left and the beginning of the year. Hes not touch anything like that for 7 months now. We both been truthful with the social services about cannibis use, we have it maybe once of twice a week when our daughter goes to stay with her grandparents. The social worker has no concerns about my flat, or myself, she said she can see how bright, up together and head strong i am. They sre purely involved because of the past of DV. Im kind of bricking it if im honest, my partner can be very short tempered with them and has a very strong dislike for the social care system due to them failing him when he was a teen. She said hopefully if all goes to plan and no more concerns araise then shes only be a couple months and then case closed. But i have a very strong feeling that thats not the case. What happens when shes done the assessment? What next? Im so worried its going to result in a CP plan, and i know if you dont comply with them at this point in the system they have the power to remove the child. Everyone i see, family/friends/strangers on the bus or in town/other professionals, they always say how happy and healthy she looks, and thats because she is happy and healthy, i just worry something more will come of this, take for example the look she gave me when i told her that at the moment im reliant on the food bank/vouchers for food at the moment, ive had aload of trouble regarding electricity supplier, spending over 120 per month on the top up key, this is why ive become reliant on yhe food bank/vouchers. It hasnt helped ive not got my freezer yet as i prefere to stock the freezer right up at iceland and just do a one off big shop. So due to not having my freezer yet ive been doing a weekly shop which also hasnt help finacially as im actually spending so much more that way. Going back about the childrens center and baby groups etc, i feel as if they are going to force me to go and i cannot do it. As soon as i walk in that center i will freeze, i wont talk, i go all sweaty, chest tightenings, struggle to breathe etc. We are a very good solid family unit now everything has been left behind. We are moving on as a family and building up our little unit.

Sorry this is such a long one, my family know i have social care involvement, i dont use social media anymore and dont really have any friends to talk to and just needed to get this all out as my partner is very black and white when it comes to social care. Thanks for taking your time to read!

Is anyone able to give me some advice or just some friendly words to ease the worry?!

Anyone?

If your partner is short tempered with them this will not look good at all. He could ruin it for you. I don't k ow why you've gone back to someone who abused you. Social services will probably stay involved. You need to think of your daughter here.

You're right to be cautious.

You have got back together with an abusive partner, they are looking out for the wellbeing and safety of the children.

They need to be satisfied that you are willing and able to keep them safe.

You are vulnerable, you have anxiety and there is substance abuse and poverty affecting the home.

The simplest way to end their involvement would be to stop using cannabis and not be in this relationship with a drug addict who has been violent towards you.

I'm sorry that probably isn't what you want to hear

the look she gave you was probably because you have to use a food bank but at the same time can afford to buy cannabis every week...

Agree with pp.

You need to do as ss request. If you have mh problems which prevent you accessing support at the Children's centre you need to be upfront and see if there is anyone who could accompany you there or if an outreach worker can visit first. It is probably good for you personally that your dd is on their radar. How old is she, does she attend nursery or school yet?

However a volatile ex drug addict probe to dv as a partner will be seen as a red flag and I would suggest they will be involved until he is off the scene permanently. You sound vulnerable and him manipulative.

You’re definitely going about the right way to have your daughter removed. There is a thread on here from someone pregnant with her second child worried about SS involvement because her first was removed for almost exactly the circumstances you’re in now. Good one. Open your eyes and see what you’re about to lose!

But it’s ok because kids are disposable and you’ll just go on to have another.

Prioritising drugs over feeding your daughter but yes absolutely she should be with you

If you and your partner put the needs of your child first ( which is what Social Services would be looking to see is happening) one of you will take your child to groups if that is part of the plan. I appreciate anxiety but do you both have it? And are you getting treatment for it?
I am honestly sympathetic towards MH but do believe when it comes to your child things have to change or you find a way of getting your child's needs met by another family member or friend. What will happen when you have to take her to school? To medical appointments? To clubs and play dates?

How do you justify buying drugs and using food banks? How do you marry that up in your head?

the look she gave you was probably because you have to use a food bank but at the same time can afford to buy cannabis every week...

This exactly. Seriously OP, can you not see how bad this looks to SS? Relying on food banks whilst figuratively seeing money go up in smoke?

For the record, children don't have to be on a CP plan to be removed; this can and sometimes does happen on a CIN plan.

If SS tell you to jump, you ask how high, then you jump even higher.

i dont use social media anymore and dont really have any friends to talk to

Why is that? What support, other that your partner, do you have?

Than*

You really need to listen to the posters on here. How can you afford drugs but not food? Your priorities are all askew

To be honest you will lose her if you carry on like this, you are with a man who is displaying aggression to the social workers, and has a violent past. You cannot afford food but you are smoking weed, god forbid if something happened to her in the night and you needed to go to the hospital could you both drive her there? Or would you be to high too?.
You have ignored there wishes for you to stay away and engage in local groups etc this could all go against you. The fact he also has history for drug addiction only 7 months ago and still uses weed now doesn't look good either. I'd be careful if I was you because they could say that you are choosing your partner over your child

Honestly going back with anyone with a DV past brings up warning flags. It's not the rationale choice and it does endanger your daughter. I know that's hard to hear, but the truth is you are endangering yourself and your daughter by having him in your home.

In addition to this, your mental health isn't stable and it's isolated you, which puts you are an even greater danger of being abused and people not noticing. It doesn't bode well when people are isolated and it's another big warning flag when they have given you advice that you haven't or haven't been able to take. What is the situation with your anxiety? Are you getting help?

In addition to the drug abuse, which is one thing, the fact you have no money to feed your own child and have to rely on the food bank. This shows a massive reliant on drugs, I think the drugs alone, while not optimum are really highlighted when you add the fact that you can afford drugs but not to feed for your daughter.

As for what happens next, just work with them and be honest and open. Things may not go the way you want but really in this case their only interest is the interest of your daughter.

I know it sounds harsh, but I can very much see their concerns in the small introduction, so it is a worrying situation. I am please she is healthy and happy, but how will this affect her long term? When she thinks back in her childhood as an adult what will see remember?

They are there to help, let them help! Get help for the anxiety, I don't know how the drugs affect it but I imagine given the addiction shown here, they are not helping and being with a man with a short fuse and a history of being violent towards you, please get out before he kills you.

Was your mental health better while you were apart from p by any chance?

SS need to be sure you are prioritising your child's needs over your need to be in a relationship with a partner who is a drug addict and has been violent to you. At the moment this does not appear to be the case as although you believe your partner has changed 7 months ? Is a short amount of time for making sufficient changes.

The fact that Cannabis is still being used also suggests that changes have not been made sufficiently and your child's needs are not being prioritised. You are not prioritising your child's needs by spending money on Cannabis when you are relying on food bank vouchers.

It is important you work with the social worker and other agencies to make important positive changes in your life which will benefit your child and yourself. Arrange to see a GP regarding your anxiety. I know this can be very hard but talking to professionals about your anxiety will help and will hopefully mean you can go to the children's centre, make friends and reduce isolation.

The most important thing right now is this relationship is not in your child or your own best interests. I would also recommend contacting citizens advice or seeking support regarding budgeting and finances to support you in managing money and maximising benefits

I am going to be blunt, because you need to hear it. Don’t read it if you don’t think you can manage to cope with blunt.

You need to take this on board. They are interested in the welfare of the child, only. Their interest in you is only in as far as it effects the child.

I am a total stranger to you, I know nothing about you other than what you have just written in defence of your current life. This is what I can see, and what they will be writing down in their assessments.

You have returned to a relationship with someone who was violent towards you. This will have caused your child harm in the past, and potentially will in the future.

You say he has changed- they see that he is still aggressive, has recently turned to a serious drug habit when things went wrong, and has significant issues from his childhood which are unresolved. This is why they will question your judgement.

You have mental health difficulties, which you are not treating appropriately. I understand your reason why, but they don’t care about your reasons or whether they are valid, they only care about the welfare of the child. If your mental health is having an impact on the child, they will intervene.

You are in a relationship with a violent drug abusing man, and have little support network. You are resisting any efforts to develop those networks because of your anxiety. Again, they only care about the child here- you need to attend these groups, at the moment you are putting your own needs first. If you are too anxious to attend, then get to the gp. If you are too anxious to look after yourself, then you are to anxious to look after a child. What do you do when they need to see a GP?

You talk about building up your little unit, they are telling you this is the opposite of what you need to do. Your little unit has been unsafe in the past, and is not a good bet. You need supports beyond that unit to protect your child if things go wrong in the future.

You are not managing household issues effectively. This increases the stress in the household.

You say everything is going fine, but they can see a potential for so many issues in the future that they are trying to divert you from. Listen to them. They are currently trying to help you keep your child, but they won’t do that for long. Your judgement here is not good, you are making poor choices.

You can either continue to tell us why you can’t do something, or you can make the changes which are necessary for your child. Your choice.

Op how do you feel about the replies that you have here on your thread?

I understand from and outsiders pov, i may come across as stupid for going back, when i first spoke go him the origanl intensions were to be there just for our daughter, not to regain a relationship, few weeks down the line i really noticed a changed. I moved from somerset to bournemouth, this is how commit he was to changing, he begged his friend to drive him down to bournemouth, he spent the last of his money on a tent and camped on the beach for over 2 weeks. He dropped a lot of his friends to make things work, hes got himself a job doing carpetting, hes really changed. I feel so relaxed around him, hes brilliant with our daughter. When he can feel himself getting a little stressed he takes himself off for 5 mins has a fag and then comes back with a different headset. I cant fault him. I did the freedom course when we split up so i now know all the warning signs etc and what to look out for. He knows i dont tolerate aby of his crap, the moment he evrr crosses the line his bags will be pack and he will be gone for good. He knows hes on his last chance with me, so he knows not to push buttons. I do understand that a lot of women return to the ec and the abuse continues and gets worse. For me this is not the case. He has change his life completely round. I think he needed to go through the crap storm to realise what he actually had and to wake up and smell the coffee. I know alot of the abuser dont change and stick to there same disgusting ways, but he isnt that guy. My whole family were convinced i was silly for going back but he has prooved to not only me and my family but to every other professional he works with. He has a probation officer, he sees his gp regulary due to being on meds, he works with a drug rehabilitation organisation, hes cut off all the bad friends, even cut off certain family members that had a bad impact on him. Social are aware of all this and can see how much he worked to be where his is now. As you said the concern is to make sure our little one is in a safw enviroment. Surely if they had huge concerns i would be seeing a social worker more regulary than every 2 weeks and sure she would of been put on a higher section of the system? As i mentioned he has a hatred for social due to him being failed by them as a teen suffering abuse and homelessness. Despite his hatred he understands that it is there job and they arent here for us but for our little one. Me and him both believe its unfair to coat everyone with the same brush, yes he abused me and he lives each day in regret finding it hard to look me in the eye know how much it hurt me physically and mentally, he knows he done wrong has actually got up done something about it. People do change and i feel sometimes people fail to see that change is possible if you work for it. Im not justifying what he done it was so wrong and unbelievably disgusting which he knows and has change from his actions. As i said he works with a lot of other professionals which will obviously have contact with the social. He doing everything he can to make our unit as strong as it can be, all he wants is to have a strong happy family unit. No different to me. As for the cannibis use, hes been completely open about his past with drugs and has opening offered a drug test to show he not on anything else other than cannibis maybe once a week. We both know when to say no to it so that shows we do not have a habit. The last time i had social services involved i told them about my occasional use of cannibis and they asked if i wanted any support around it and i said no i have it under controll and that i can say no to it, there was no further action taken on this subject. I lived with a social worker for about a month and she works with a lot of young parents in the same boat and i was so suprised when she told me that tge social aren't concerned over use of cannibis on the basis of every now and then. You wouldnt slam down on a mum who goes out round to town getting drunk every now and then so to me it shouldnt be fair to slam on me just for smoking a joint maybe once a week when my daughter isnt around. No different to someone having a bottle of wine on an evening. People drink infront of their children/take the kids to the pub with them etc and thats socially acceptable, if you ask me alcohol is so much worst that cannibis. Besides the fact i actually have a reason for my occasionaly use. I suffer really bad with an undiognosed eating disorder, cannibis helps me to get past the barrier and actually cook a decent meal and eat it, and all of it! Usually its just a few mouth fulls or i result to hot weetabix. I know cannibis is illegal which is why everyone gets on their high horse when the subject is brought up, it has so many benefits other than just being "stoned". Not many people are going to understand my situation and thats okay, i wasnt asking for advice on my personal shannagans and doings, i was asking in what further steps social will/could take😕

You buy drugs but are dependent on a food bank. You're with an aggressive man whos potential behaviour with SS is causing you anxiety? Seriously?

The simplest way to end their involvement would be to stop using cannabis and not be in this relationship with a drug addict who has been violent towards you

This is what you need to do I agree ^^ you have a choice to make.

We both know when to say no to it so that shows we do not have a habit

Clearly you don't or you would be saying no to it in favour of buying food.

Of course you can afford fags too but not food!