Really worried about a dad going on dd's school trip. Not police checked & I have concerns

[sotroubled]

I was a regular although lapsed but have changed my name as I know some other local mums.
dd is at a nursery school and there is a dad of one of her class mates that really troubles me. He is very over familiar with the children, particularly the girls. dds class is typically 3 to 4 years old.
I have seen him cuddling little girls at parties, stroking their hair and I am 99% convinced that I saw him pull his hand out from beneath one of dd's friend's skirts when she was sat on the floor in front of him at a party. As I came into the hallway, he retracted his hand. That's what I thought I saw.
He is always inviting dd over for tea and his dw wanted her to stay the night. Needless to say, I've made excuses so she hasn't gone there apart from with me.
I may have this all wrong. He may just be an over-familiar chap who perhaps has no idea as to how his actions may be construed. I know there is another mum who finds it odd but she thinks he is OK but just a little naive. Dh is convinced he is (or is a potential) a paedophile.
Today, I learned that he accompanied the class on their last trip and is going on the next one to a Farm. I can'tgo as I'm in Scotland and dh can't go as he is allergic to animals. We are now really uneasy about this and contemplating not letting dd go but that's so unfair on her.
I am planning to have a private word with the teacher but I can only say that I have uneasy feelings about this man. That isn't enough to stop him being able to go.
Do I ignore my worries and say nothing or do I speak to the teacher and what do I do about sending her on the trip.
I can't stop worrying about it and I know I may have got it all wrong as well but I just feel so very sue he is not right.

She also said that it was difficult to confirm who woudl be looking after dd ahead of the day but she'd ensure it was a female. I have said that unless I know who it is in advance then dd won't be going.

fgs, is the woman stupid!
(obviousley i'm talking about the teacher) so what are you going to do, sotroubled?

sotroubled you really need to report this if other people or school have reported suspicions then you reporting yours strengthens the case for social services to investigate this man properly and this may serve to save a child form abuse or him learning taht his behaviour has the potential to be seen as inappropriate and for him to learn and change. imagine if it was your dd that someone else had seen or thought they'd seen him touching you would want them to report it

Message withdrawn

CRB checks are supposed to be a safeguard, but its worth remembering that they are only valid up to the day they are done!

Maybe speak to the teacher and ask the DD isnt put in his group, and explain that you feel uncomfertable. I always go for gut feelings as they are normally right. You cant do much but you can call local police and express concern, they may already have information on him and if they dont the conversation will not show on a CRB check later.
Lisa

You know we are trying to organise parent helpers for the gala day at the moment.

They all need disclosure, no question about that. I have to admit that at nursery school we didn't need disclosure but it was taken as granted you wouldn't be dealing with anyones child without the parent okaying it.

The teacher sounds a bit of a numpty.

sotroubled, have been wondering what you decided to do...

Go with your instinct, you probably did see what you thought you saw. Don't let dd go on this trip. This will a) protect her and b) make the teacher(hopefully) think carefully about what you said. She may find herself watching this man more carefully.

This also gives you more time to put the other advice in this thread to good use, but with the necessary caution.

not read whole thread but just remember

even with a crb check that is clear it does not mean that they are innocent just havnt been caught at doing anything.

also agree these are seriosue accusations.

Also anyone can be in a school / on a school trip, just cant be left alone with the children.

My charges nursary has a toddler group which runs alongside the nursary... ie in the same building, alongside the nursary childrne and they all use the same toys / play together etc. All the mums / dads / nannies / grandparents of the toddler group are there too, with the nursary children. We havnt been crb checked by the nursary (obviously as a nanny I have been, but thats not the point) but it doesnt matter at all cause the nursary staff are approved and they look after the nursary children.

Something that I found interesting about this thread is how memory can play up.

At the beginning of the thread the OP said she was not sure she saw his hand being under the skirt because she saw it from the corner of the eye (or something similar), and now it is oficial she seen it and she is wondering why she didn't challenged him.

I understand the problems and dangers, and may add that they can come from anyone, not only man but woman and... sadly even other children. I think we should be vigilant but triggering a witch hunt via chinese whispers intitated by a genuine worry it's a no no, if you are worried contact someone who can be objective about this, unfortunately we as members of a comunity, and mothers who worry about the implied dangers may not be able not to take a side in such problem.

RTKangaMummy

I was thinking the same thing

why are they asking your DD (aged 3/4?) over for a sleep over??

My DD's are 6 in August, the only place they have slept over is Nannas and Grandeds

I don't think sleep overs at that age is really the done thing

I certainly don't underestimate sotroubled's concern, I had the same concern and so did many other parents, many years ago about a father of one of the children in our daughters' class about his unsuitable touching of young girls. Imagine our horror when we all picked up from a birthday party and discovered that his daughter and one of her friends were not wearing knickers ( age 5) and being carried around by the father's friend!! We all talked about it and decided that none of our children would be allowed round to play unless accompanied by one of the parents.We couldn't be sure that anything was happening, but there was an incident of inapprpriate play at my house, towards my daughter by a child who had been to play at the said childs' house. DD told me she was unccomfortable with something her friend had acted out.

The parent had been police checked and used to go on school trips.

Sorry, but having a CRB check only means that they have not been convictedof an offence against children up until the date of the check, so the minute it is done it is out of date.

CRB checks are not repeated by the same organsisation, you have the same one for years. You only get a new one for each organsiation that applies for one. At least the old police check had to be done every three years, ( I know, I have been a childminde for 21 years and had them done every three years and all members of my family over 16 too)

Having a CRB check does not mean a person is safe to work with children, they just may never have been caught and convicted.

chandra. I have said all the way through that I was not 100% and in the post that I said that I wished I had challenged him, I reiterated that I couldn't be certain about what I thought I saw as I wasn't face on when I saw it.
I saw his dw today and I felt really awkward just knowing that I was having these thoughts about her dh.
I'm away with work for the next 4 days and I will hopefully know when I get back what the outcome of my talk with the teacher is. After the beginning of July when school breaks up, we wont have to have anything to do with thim anyway. (Not that that will be any comfort to anyone if we are right and he abuses someone else's child). My friend thinks I should leave it and just accept that we have both flagged our concerns in some way to the school. My dh thinks otherwise

chandra. I have said all the way through that I was not 100% and in the post that I said that I wished I had challenged him, I reiterated that I couldn't be certain about what I thought I saw as I wasn't face on when I saw it.
I saw his dw today and I felt really awkward just knowing that I was having these thoughts about her dh.
I'm away with work for the next 4 days and I will hopefully know when I get back what the outcome of my talk with the teacher is. After the beginning of July when school breaks up, we wont have to have anything to do with thim anyway. (Not that that will be any comfort to anyone if we are right and he abuses someone else's child). My friend thinks I should leave it and just accept that we have both flagged our concerns in some way to the school. My dh thinks otherwise