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Original poster

Really worried about a dad going on dd's school trip. Not police checked & I have concerns

114 replies

sotroubled · 15/05/2007 22:18

I was a regular although lapsed but have changed my name as I know some other local mums.
dd is at a nursery school and there is a dad of one of her class mates that really troubles me. He is very over familiar with the children, particularly the girls. dds class is typically 3 to 4 years old.
I have seen him cuddling little girls at parties, stroking their hair and I am 99% convinced that I saw him pull his hand out from beneath one of dd's friend's skirts when she was sat on the floor in front of him at a party. As I came into the hallway, he retracted his hand. That's what I thought I saw.
He is always inviting dd over for tea and his dw wanted her to stay the night. Needless to say, I've made excuses so she hasn't gone there apart from with me.
I may have this all wrong. He may just be an over-familiar chap who perhaps has no idea as to how his actions may be construed. I know there is another mum who finds it odd but she thinks he is OK but just a little naive. Dh is convinced he is (or is a potential) a paedophile.
Today, I learned that he accompanied the class on their last trip and is going on the next one to a Farm. I can'tgo as I'm in Scotland and dh can't go as he is allergic to animals. We are now really uneasy about this and contemplating not letting dd go but that's so unfair on her.
I am planning to have a private word with the teacher but I can only say that I have uneasy feelings about this man. That isn't enough to stop him being able to go.
Do I ignore my worries and say nothing or do I speak to the teacher and what do I do about sending her on the trip.
I can't stop worrying about it and I know I may have got it all wrong as well but I just feel so very sue he is not right.

OP posts:
Original poster
sotroubled · 15/05/2007 22:38

The children are drawn to him. At his dd's party he encouraged them to all pile on top of him, all rolling around on the grass in a bundle. needless to say, a couple of kids ended up being hurt from flailing arms and legs.

I'm not one of the School gate mums so I don't know if other people find him odd apart from the 1 other mum I mentioned in my 1st post. She's quite friendly with his dw but she doesn't let her dd go round there unless she's there

OP posts:
annh · 15/05/2007 22:38

Our school (also Surrey) insists on CRB checks for everyone helping in school or on trips.

fireflyfairy2 · 15/05/2007 22:40

And of course he wants your dd to play with his dd, don't most parents encourage their kids to make friends????

I do think you are being a little hysterical

slimmerjim · 15/05/2007 22:40

???

Very timely "issue", no ?

DimpledThighs · 15/05/2007 22:40

Ask to see their Child Protection Policy - they have to have one. This should state how they protect children from all kinds of things including the things you have fears about. If this clarifies things for you and makes it clear that children are not left alone with adults then it will put your mind at rest, if it does not you need to speak tp them.

I cannot believe that they do not have CRB checks - it is aganist the law - are they ofsted registered?

I would have a lot of concerns about a childcare establishment that overlooked something as important as this.

Tamum · 15/05/2007 22:42

We have to have Enhanced Disclosure to go on school trips or to help with reading in the classroom. I even had to get it done separately at work because I was giving a 17.5 year old work experience in the lab, along with everyone else he came in contact with. Having said that, unless the father actually has a conviction, which seems unlikely, it wouldn't help anyway. I don't know what the answer is but if he's never alone with the children it should be OK...

NotanOtter · 15/05/2007 22:42

probably nothing
i would keep my child home that day

Aloha · 15/05/2007 22:42

It is NOT against the law not to insist on expensive police checks for every parent who helps a kid cross the road.

gess · 15/05/2007 22:43

ds2's school (private) only allows parent helpers who have been CRB checked. I have an enhanced discolsure (for a project I'm working on), but I still can't help out at school as I haven't been CRB checked by them.

I would be very careful about Chinese whispers here, although I wouldn't allow my children to go to someone's house if I was uneasy about them.

madrose · 15/05/2007 22:43

I can understand your concerns about the CRB, but to be honest what does the CRB show - that they haven't been caught yet.

He could just be an over friendly guy, but any child protection policy won't let him be alone with the children.

oops · 15/05/2007 22:44

Message withdrawn

SherlockLGJ · 15/05/2007 22:44

Enhanced here in Surrey....are we a hot bed of politcal correctness ??

gess · 15/05/2007 22:45

Agree with oops. you need to be very careful.

Anyway if not being CRB checked means he won't be alone with the children, then perhaps its safer than someone who is CRB checked??

katelyle · 15/05/2007 22:46

There are two levels of police check - and any parent helper in a school has to have had the very basic one. It just needs a name and address and usually comes back very quickly. It's not intrusive or complicated and all schools should do it.

I think you are probably worrying unnecessarily, sotroubled, after all, this man won't be alone with any of the children, and anyway if he was a "dodgy" character, he wouldn't have been so open with his cuddles and affection. However, I am very concerned about your school's policies, and I would enquire into them further if I were you. Could you try the PTA as your first step?

oops · 15/05/2007 22:49

Message withdrawn

TricityBendix · 15/05/2007 22:49

Is it the law that ALL parents accompanying school trips, even where they're not alone with children, are CRB checked?

I'm not sure my son's school does that... I was asked along as an emergency one off... they had no idea that I've already been checked.

DimpledThighs · 15/05/2007 22:49

only if unsupervised with children

SherlockLGJ · 15/05/2007 22:50

Katelyle

The PTA is the Parent Teacher Association....it is a fund raising body.

Original poster
sotroubled · 15/05/2007 22:53

I appreciate that it is not compulsory for police checks and that it's sad that we live in a society where they are needed.
However, regardless of whether there was a CRB check available or not, we both feel that this man is not suitable to be around young children on a school trip. Whilst he wont be completely alone with them, the teachers aren't going to be watching his every move. In the horrible event that I was right about what I thought I saw at that children's party, he is also exceptionally bold - he took a risk that he could touch that child inappropriately and that he wouldn't be seen. Maybe we are being paranoid but I'm sure if any parent on here felt the same way about someone, they would be worried too.
I haven't mentioned this to any other parent apart from the mum that I am close friends with and she was the one that told me he had been on the previous trip and was going on this one.
(He also boasted to a group of mums at a party that he, his dw and their 16 year old French Au-pair watched a blue movie together - the dw fell asleep and they continued to watch it. That's when I 1st thought there was something odd about him. After that, dh menioned that he had felt uneasy around him for some time and I was saying it was probably nothing - that was until I saw what I thought I saw

OP posts:
katwith3kittens · 15/05/2007 22:54

I help out at my daughters school (private) and we have to be CRB checked as policy. I have even been checked against list ??? as I escort them to the swimming pool. Demand to see the school policies, but as someone said earlier, take it with a pinch of salt as it just shows they havent been caught yet !

If you are really worried my only advice is to skip the trip, there will be plenty more to go on in the future.

katelyle · 15/05/2007 22:59

Fund raising among other thing, Sherlock- I am the vice chair of ours. However, we also we also know a lot about things like the Child Protection Policy because we run events for the children. We also know the teachers and the administrative staff better than a parent who wasn't able to be involved, and could answer general questions from somebody who had concerns like sotroubled without her having to approach the teacher if she didn't want to. Merely another avenue.

Loshad · 15/05/2007 23:00

I would be saying something to the school about general policyu, my dc's are at private school but helpers on trips have to be checked out.

Original poster
sotroubled · 15/05/2007 23:01

I have to go now but I don't think the rights and wrongs of whether he is CRB checked is relevant the more I think about it. It's the general uneasiness we have - something is not right. We'll think on it for a few days. The trip isn't for another 4 weeks yet.

OP posts:
Tamum · 15/05/2007 23:02

Same as our school katelyle- they have someone who deals with all Disclosure checks on the PTA because it runs various after school activities. It's a good idea but I guess a private nursery might not have a PTA?

unknownrebelbang · 15/05/2007 23:03

I'm on our PTA and would NOT want a parent to approach me with something like this.

My immediate response would be to suggest she shares her concerns with the teacher, head, governors, lea or whoever, but I don't think it an appropriate issue for the PTA to deal with.