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Original poster

A different perspective about leaving a child alone

106 replies

chocolatekimmy · 10/05/2007 22:00

There is one point that doesn't appear to be coming across in the numerous postings and articles since the disappearance of Madeleine McCann.

When a parent makes a decision to leave a child to 'pop out' for a while or however long it happens to be - do they not consider something happening to them whilst out that prevents them from returning to their child who is then left alone and defenceles without anyone realising it.

It never crossed my mind until I mentioned to my mum about someone I know who used to put her very young baby 'safe' in her cot to go out running to get rid of some of the stress she had from the babies crying (despite much protest). She felt that no harm could come to the baby (aside from considering fire etc). My mum just said - "so what happens if she gets run over and killed or injured badly and no one knows that the baby is at home alone"?

Its just another consideration for those that make that decision.

OP posts:
Hathor · 10/05/2007 22:03

Oh God, so we have to strap them to us until they are 18 do we? The chance of this kind of thing happening is so small it is not proportional to the amount of worry we expend on it.

snowwonder · 10/05/2007 22:05

this is the thing i think about , what if i popped to shop crashed car and died and never returned home what would happen,

i am single mum and always worry that i could fall downstairs now whilst girls are asleep, been lying dead and no one know, then they wake up alone

Hathor · 10/05/2007 22:11

Someone would notice - the postman, the school/childminder, friends, relatives, neighbours. Somebody would hear them crying, or they would dial 999 if they are over the age of about 5.

NotQuiteCockney · 10/05/2007 22:13

So, we should take them with us so they get run over too?

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 10/05/2007 22:15

would someone notice though? wasn't there an incident a couple of years ago where a 3 year old survived for 6 weeks after his mum died in the flat? no-one noticed that for 6 weeks.

southeastastra · 10/05/2007 22:15

i remember seeing loads of prams with babies outside sainsbury's. and along the road, babies left outside to get the air.

kittypants · 10/05/2007 22:17

snowwonder-i worry about that too.i find it shocking that people even think for a second about leaving a child.

southeastastra · 10/05/2007 22:19

oops didn't read the op properly sorry

expatinscotland · 10/05/2007 22:20

That was in Edinburgh, wannabe, about a mile away from us.

Child's mother was a known junkie still struggling with addiction.

Yet child was not on the register.

Mother died from drug overdose and no one noticed for weeks.

Kid was in nursery, too!

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 10/05/2007 22:22

social services were doing a sparkling job as usual then.

but why did nursery not notice?

luciemule · 10/05/2007 22:30

I can't believe anyone would leave their child alone in the house (obvisouly I mean small child, not a 10 year old) for a split second. It's slightly different if you've left them sleeping in a hotel with baby listening ( although I never would) but to leave a baby in the cot whilst going for a jog is unthinkable isn't it? Do a lot of people really that or am I being completely naive?

kittypants · 10/05/2007 22:32

i must also be naive.

pooka · 10/05/2007 22:36

I was talking to my mother about this and she said that when we (my brothers and I) were little, baby monitors did not exist and so you stayed within earshot of your babies. And that while when she was a baby, she was routinely left in the back garden in a pram to sleep in the open air, her mother was still in sight of her and at least in earshot.
I must admit though that I do leave my children in the car when I pay for petrol and also have been known to leave my son in the pram outside a plate-glass windowed shop while I buy bread. I suppose I see that as different because I'm there too.

Astrophe · 10/05/2007 22:40

serious question, not a critisism, but why would you leave a child in a buggy outside a shop? Car I can understand as its a faff to bring them in, but can't you just wheel the buggy in?

kittypants · 10/05/2007 22:43

if buggy is to hard to get in shop id get new buggy.we live in small village but still wouldnt.

lyrabelacqua · 10/05/2007 22:44

Luciemule, I've left mine (2 and 4), just for a few minutes while i sprinted to the corner shop for a bottle of milk.
they won't go to sleep without their warm milk and they were already bathed and in pyjamas when i realised we were out of milk. So i thought it was worth the risk and they were fine, reading books quietly when i got back having barely noticed I was gone.
I know I could have been run over or something but the chances are very slim.

Loshad · 10/05/2007 22:45

no idea astrophe, in last village the post office owners used to moan when I brought a ds in in buggy, but no way was I going to leave them outside.
The

unknownrebelbang · 10/05/2007 22:46

I understand what your mum is saying. This is my main reason for not leaving my boys home alone if I went any further than to one of the neighbours.

I do leave DS1 alone now, and have done for a while, but he has the common sense and the knowledge of how to contact someone if necessary, either by telephone, or specific neighours/friends on our estate. DS2 doesn't have that yet. DS3 does, but because DS2 isn't yet left home alone, he won't be either.

Whilst the risk may be completely out of proportion to my fear, it's just one of those things I worried about, in relation to my children.

Hillls · 10/05/2007 22:48

my mum had a mini many years ago when my bro and sis were little, she used to leave them in the car every time she went into the local shop, (normal small village) this one particular time she didnt have the children with her, she parked her car in the same spot as always, went into the shop, there was an almighty bang, a large van had gone straight into the back of her car and the back seats were under the van - totally vanished. She never left her children in the car again.

mummycan · 10/05/2007 22:52

I worry about this as well but I do leave dd (7) to pop to local shop (about 150 yards away) if i need bread or milk and to post a letter. I have been doing this for a couple of years. I tell her she can answer the phone but not the door and I don't lock her in in case of fire. I leave her for longer if I am having a shower, changing beds oron MN! I do worry but there will be a time when I have to leave so from my perspective it's small steps

omghowemb · 10/05/2007 22:54

Hills

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 10/05/2007 22:55

My parents used to leave me and my sis (then aged 6 and 3) in the hotel room in the USA whilst they went down to the bar in the evening. One night they came back up to the room to find my 3 year old sister asleep outside the lift . She had let herself out of the room, but couldn't work the lift to get downstairs, and just fell asleep on the floor.....

We also used to go to the hotel restaurant together for breakfast in the morning sans parents. We used to get a pot of tea for two and two English muffins, and then leave a tip afterwards. It has made us quite enterprising and unafraid at doing stuff for ourselves. However, I could never leave my children alone 'just in case'.

For the record, my dad now has paranoia down to a fine art. He always imagines the worst case scenario - it's hard to believe he was ever so laid back.

MrsSpoon · 10/05/2007 23:03

My two are almost 5 and 8, I wouldn't leave them in the house alone whilst I went to the shop. However we now allow DS1 to go to the shop and he loves this new freedom. I have been very nervous since last week as the case in Portugal has brought up all sorts of fears but we are still letting him go as it is doing wonders for his self-esteem. He thinks it's great!

ChocolateFace · 10/05/2007 23:04

I'm not sure someone would notice if something happened to you. There was a case a few years ago now, where a mother died of natural causes. The father came home a week later to find the two children had also died due to neglect. I think this happened in a small village.
My mother admits she left my sister asleep in her cot9early 60s') while she popped to the corner shop. When she came home my sister has vomited all over the cot. That taught my mother a lesson.

lyrabelacqua · 10/05/2007 23:07

I must add though that the corner shop is about two minutes away if i sprint, grab the milk, slap the money on the counter and sprint back.

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