A different perspective about leaving a child alone

[chocolatekimmy]

There is one point that doesn't appear to be coming across in the numerous postings and articles since the disappearance of Madeleine McCann.

When a parent makes a decision to leave a child to 'pop out' for a while or however long it happens to be - do they not consider something happening to them whilst out that prevents them from returning to their child who is then left alone and defenceles without anyone realising it.

It never crossed my mind until I mentioned to my mum about someone I know who used to put her very young baby 'safe' in her cot to go out running to get rid of some of the stress she had from the babies crying (despite much protest). She felt that no harm could come to the baby (aside from considering fire etc). My mum just said - "so what happens if she gets run over and killed or injured badly and no one knows that the baby is at home alone"?

Its just another consideration for those that make that decision.

It's so interesting to see this threads unfold, as a foreigner.

I come from a country with tremendous crime rates and have lived in other countries with titanic gaps between rich and poor which make kidnap for ransom common, even of adults.

As young children we were just never left alone. It just never occured to me to do this with my own children.

I think the fact that it's debated here is indicative of how lucky Britain's been in its recent past, that people were able to find this a safe practice at all.

I think I heard a statistic that most fatal accidents happen to people in their own homes. So you could just as easily fall down the stairs while your baby is napping.

Most children who are abused or hurt are victims someone known to them, or by a member of their OWN family. So being constantly mistrustful of the outside world is a risky as completely trusting the safety of your own family and friends.

So what do we do? Become terrified about everything?

you phone someone and tell them you are goingout, and you will call them the moment you get back home, and if you dont call by a certain time, they are to assume something has happened and they need to treat it as if child is alone.
its all common sense.

Meant, " So if you are being constantly mistrustful of the the risks of the outside world you are as well to question your complete trust in the safety of your own family and friends."

Haven't had enough sleep again.

No not aimed at the Mcann family, but they are mentioned in the first sentence of the OP....! So....why mention them at all if it's just a regular topic.

Expatinscotland I agree with you. To be honest, it has never occurred to me that I could leave my child alone in the house. I just assumed that this was a complete taboo. What more can I say? I have made loads of mistakes with my kids so am not pretending to be a perfect parent. Perhaps it's my upbringing - I dont know. I keep coming back to my same point - let's not court disaster if we can avoid it. I don't want to judge anyone. Sometimes, all this wishy washy post modernism stuff gets on my nerves - what has happened to our society? Very sad.

I'm not trying to pick a fight BTW, just .

MTC - you were the one who mentioned the McCanns - not me.

yes, it is mentioned in the OP, I had actually overlooked that after I'd read the rest of hte thread, which didn't seem to be about the family - I don't think this thread is a judging thread about them, more a discussion about leaving children alone.

bighair21 - "The child could vomit and suffocate". This could happen whilst you were in the other room, or downstairs. And it might still be too late to do anything about it.

It doesn't seem terrified or paranoid to behave this way to me, bighair, it's just something you didn't do in the places where I lived because they weren't very safe.

Sad, but that's how it is.

I just remember when we lived in Singapore in an expat community and overhearing my mother on the phone saying, 'These Europeans will just leave their kids with anyone or even alone.'

I laughed at her at the time, because she had a French mother herself.

Actually if we were living in a non so-called "wishy-washy" post modern era but in more old fashioned times, we would probably be leaving our children with our neighbours, or to be looked after by our 10 year old (the eldest of 12 our children) and we would allow them to play out in the streets supervised by the neighbourhood children as soon as they could walk.

The fortressing-up of our lives is very post-modern.

I would not leave my child at home so that I could go jogging or go shopping (he is 2.5), but I HAVE left him sleeping in his cot while I am outside gardening, popping in every 10 mins to check on him. Some on MN obviously feel that I should sit outside (or inside!!!!) his bedroom and watch him sleep for 2 hours. That, to my mind, is insane.

OI you are quite right, suffocating could happen right next door. I will make my point again - don't court disaster. If you were in the house, you are in a stronger position to do something about it. Isn't that just common sense or is it me?

But this seems fairly clear cut when it comes to babies and toddlers - generally under normal circs it is seen as not acceptable or at least ideal. But what about older kids? When do you start to think it's OK? The law talks about 'neglect' of children up to the age of 16 - at what age do you think it is reasonable safe to leave a child. When I had tiny children it would never have occurred to me to leave them alone in the house but as they got older that changed...and with each subsequent child I became more accepting of it. With experience and maybe with neccessary pragmatism.

Rantum I agree. I would do gardening whilst my child was in the house. This however, is VERY different from going out jogging.

I think that's an interesting point Bighair, about what has happened to our society. In the 'Good Old Days' (when possibly the only threat which exists now but didn't then to the same extent is being hit by a car quite so often ) people lived in communities. Where there were eyes and ears on every street, for the children. Everyone knew each other and their children and you would probably know far more people in the very near vicinity (they might ewven be your amily) who might keep an eye on the kids while you went for milk, and very young children played outside. And you could leave baby in the pram on the lawn while you girded your loins for the next 6 hours' screamathon.

The problem is for us parents is that in a world full of every modern wonder and convenience, we have all lost some basic, simple things which in small ways would make our lives less rife with anxiety. We may no longer have to worry about our toddlers falling into open fires but now we turn oursleves inside out over whether we can leave a baby to sleep in a cot while we nip next door. Or whether we can allow our children to paddle in a paddling pool, supervised without them slipping and hurting themselves. or being snapped by perverts...

no bighair, I wasn't talking about you - the Mcanns were mentioned in the original post!!

my friend goes out jogging at tennish at night, leaving her 10 year old and 6 year old.she has done this for at least three years as far as i know

sorry, lots of xposting

OI it's a difficult subject because there are no clear cut laws on it. My husband is a social worker and it seems to be that when a child is 13/14, they are deemed fit to be left on their own for longer periods. However, this is still dependent on the child itself and how emotionally mature they are. There are no easy answers.

Yes MTC, it's very sad that we are forced to worry about these things.

It's all about balance of risk isn't it? I leave my children in the car at a petrol station, because to my mind, it is safer than getting 3 lively children out of the car and across the forecourt, round the shop and back into the car. I leave them in the house to pop to the post box, but only when the baby is asleep and ds1 and dd (nearly 6 and 3) are engrossed in something like watching tv, and it's literally a 45 second walk, so am out of the house for a minute and a half, two minutes max. I let ds1 and dd play in the garden unsupervised, but I can hear them, and they know what to do if there's a problem.

Someone I knew from toddlers was murdered a couple of years ago, in his flat. He was a single parent, and his child spent 3 days in the flat before anyone realised. There are risks everywhere.

bighair21, I agree that going out jogging or actively leaving the house with small children is not very wise in this day in age. But I think that the references to current events and choices made by others, by people wishing to take a self-righteous tone or a judgemental angle need to be considered carefully - was it the same as making the decision to go out jogging, or was it the same as deciding to garden and check on your children frequently - (I can't see both doors to my house from my garden at all times) so maybe I shouldn't garden?

It is easy to judge other people, but BETTER to reconsider our own choices and the type of world we want to fight for. Most of us do the former, not the latter.

Can't stop thinking about the fear of a child who suddenly becomes aware that his mummy or daddy is not there. It breaks my heart that's all.