Mornington Crescent rides again

[Andrewofgg]

Maida Vale. Just to make it difficult.

I really don't know what you mean.

Didcot Parkway

A truly dreadful place, made tolerable only by the secret passage under the clock on Platform 2 which leads you through the wormhole to Redcar.

Hmm. So

Leicester

Whisper that one softly, Maud. I doubt Andrew wants to be reminded of Leicester after the incident last time we were there. I do think that it was a shame that those circumstances kept you out of the New Year’s Honours List, Andrew. Her Majesty really should have overlooked the fracas, it was much more the organ-grinder’s fault than yours.

However, as Leicester (whisper it!) has followed the wormhole intervention, I can play the Time Lord double whiskey and take us to Godalming, which is a happy place to visit as long as you’re not a cat or a peacock.

Ah yes, terrible, terrible incident, and not your fault at Andrew. A quick flurry to Woking.

On a wing and a prayer over to Dorking

Her Maj has told me how much she regretted having to leave me off the list; watch this space next time round.

But Dorking, Schmorking, we are going to Newton-le-Willows and those of you who don't know why, think yourselves lucky. What you don't know can't hurt you.

SuffolkNWhat, I hope you got that boil lanced and are now sitting comfortable. Don't forget to put it on YouTube.

Humph. Newton-le-Willows was a perfectly legitimate place to leave that omnibus and I have no doubt history will agree with me.

Since I’m now down in the dumps I see no reason why the rest of you shouldn’t have to join me. I’m pulling out the maiden’s knickers and taking us to Bromley North.

And I hop to Orpington.

I think that via Beckenham Junction and the tram using the tram rule I end up in West Croydon

Saints: the last time I saw a blunder like that a Dalek was trying to get on a dustbin. West Croydon, oh dear lord . . .

Crescenters are nice people and none of us wants to see anybody in Nidd, not in this weather - so Paisley it is. Och aye the noo, whatever that means.

And a shimmy to Arrochar and Tarbert.

And steaming west on the Jacobite to Mallaig

Followed by another excuse for a wee dram by going down to Balloch.

It is a very long time since I saw a Dalek, indeed I saw a grandson of the Doctor of the time only a few weeks ago. I can imagine the Cybermen could possibly be persuaded to lay down their weapons and join in a game of games.

Hmmm, from there let's go across to Longniddry. I think that's permissible under Palmer and Atkinson's theorem of eastings but no doubt one of you will correct me if I am wrong.

Indeed. Eastings can be very useful in times such as these. I suggest we take them farther, to

Auchtermuchty

It would not be a visit to the West of Scotland without going to the Kyle of Lochalsh at some point, and before the rain comes, now is the time.

I think we've been in Scotland long enough to have confirmed whether anything's worn under the kilt, so let us move closer to the beating heart of the metropolis:

Milton Keynes Central

A spurt to Bletchley.

Freshly stitched and sitting on a bag of Petit Pois as I consider the best move to be Rustington

Rustington leads to Ironbrdge as surely as elections lead to disasters.

I fancy another trip to Ludlow.

And from Ludlow, an Anderson's Alliteration to

Leytonstone

If only I could remember all the rules. Off to Victoria.

You mean the rather dismal station in Manchester from which we will proceed in an orderly manner (the Headmistress is watching us, we'd better) to Oldham.

Incidentally, has anyone ever played MC with the Headmistress and lived to tell the tale?