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Original poster

Should i say something to the mum?

90 replies

PinkChick · 23/04/2007 13:44

My dd's friend (4yr old)from school nursery was today collected by grandparents(think they are mums parents, mum and dad are in middle of messy separation)..walking out of gates looked back as heard crying and it was dd's friend really crying and throwing herself around, grandparents were talking to her and trying to calm her down and continuing to walk out of school, child was still crying and shouting(no idea why?, maybe she expected mum/dad to collect??)..anyway, we stopped to chat outside gates and they got past us, grandma now carrying child..we almost got right behind them when child started jumping and stmaping her feet and grandma imitated her, making her much worse..so grndma then smacksed her twice hard on the bottom and grabbed her..they both turned round and saw us and grandma looked surprised(as we wernt near them when we left)..then as we got past and further away, grandad sort of half shouted at her..........
now, ive seen him a few times and he sems very placid and the shout was tame and non threatening, but the two hard smacks from grandma(who ive not seen before) were unnecessary, yes she was creating, but in my all knowing wisdon, id have either tried to solve issue or if no issue just a tatrum, ignored it.
i know other generations do thing differently, but i know for certain her mum would NEVER smack either of her children and am concerned now as this little girl was back off to thier house and worry what may have happend if she had not calmed down?..do i ask mum what was wrong when i see her tomorrow and mention the smacks or keep my nose out?

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HuwEdwards · 23/04/2007 13:45

keep your nose out.

geekgrrl · 23/04/2007 13:46

I'd mention it if I could work out a tactful way of doing so - if it was my child I'd like to know, particularly if you know that this goes against the mother's parenting style.

WigWamBam · 23/04/2007 13:46

None of your business, really. And she probably wouldn't thank you for making it your business.

swifterella · 23/04/2007 13:47

what HUW said i'm afraid

Hillls · 23/04/2007 13:47

I'd say if it was the mum's parents then she would already know of their child rearing ways. I'd keep my nose out too.

themoon66 · 23/04/2007 13:48

My mum used to be itching to smack DD when she was throwing one of her mega-strops. If she's been alone with her, I bet she would have smacked her.

I would keep my nose out if I were you. The child is likely to tell her mum that granny smacked her anyway.

PrettyCandles · 23/04/2007 13:49

TBH I'd leave it. I might mention that she was distressed when you see her mum, but I think I'd leave it at that. The messy separation is probably distressing to all of them, and she'd only feel worse at the fact that her dd was upset to be collected by gps. Of course if it keeps happening then that's a different matter, but it may be a one-off.

Older generation are often far more stressed out by what happens in public than we are, and I'm sure that influenced their behaviour too.

Original poster
PinkChick · 23/04/2007 13:53

ok, i didnt know how to approach it anyway, but hate the thought of someone going agaisnt my wishes and feel the mum would be same? being a cm, im very concious of other peoples ways, but smacking is a no no for me..obv not everyone feels the same.

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wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 23/04/2007 13:54

none of your business.

Has the mum actually told you that she doesn't agree with smacking? because even if you've never seen her smack her child and she doesn't seem like the sort who would, you can't be 100% sure of what disciplinning methods she uses

nogoes · 23/04/2007 13:55

Leave it is not your business. Just because they gave her a smack it doesn't mean that they were going to beat the living daylights out of her when they got home.

I personally don't smack and would not be happy if my mum or mil smacked ds but I wouldn't welcome a playground mum informing me of this unless she was concerned that they were rough or cruel towards my child.

NKF · 23/04/2007 13:58

Hmm. If I were the child's mother I'd want to know. I really would.

JoanCrawford · 23/04/2007 13:58

echo those who've said, keep your nose out.

Think they've probably got enough going on without your input.

Original poster
PinkChick · 23/04/2007 14:01

the mum and i are friends in a loose term, go to groups together, occasional evening in with other friends(virgin V etc), it has come up on several occasions about her attitude to smacking and she is very strongly against it.
i can appreciate that the family are under a lot of stress at the minuteand the parents wont have a self styled torture chamber in the house, but if they smacked her that hard then and she was worse, i dont know how they would have handled it back home?
i was just concerned for the child, not nosy, i was walking the same way and wish i hadnt seen it cos now ill feel like i should mention it( i would definatly want to know) but cant approach the subject tactfully enough?!

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Original poster
PinkChick · 23/04/2007 14:02

i know it was my own term' keep my nose out' but would you not want to know if someone collected your child and they smacked them when you are totaly against it?
agree the child may well tell her mum what happend, or maybe evn the grandparents, but i would really want to know myself

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NKF · 23/04/2007 14:02

It's a hard one. Not sure what to suggest. Do you think she'd want to know?

NKF · 23/04/2007 14:04

Couldn't you say it in a really apologetic way? Along the lines of I honestly don't want to upset anyone and I've been worring what to do for the best but because of things you've said in the past, I thought you might want to know, please don't hate me for it etc.....

And then duck.

mrsjohnsimnelcake · 23/04/2007 14:05

the child is 4yrs old so can probably tell the mum herself.
I would be a bit wary of getting involved.... if it was a non verbal child then i'd be more worried, but i am sure the child will tell her mum at some point.

Original poster
PinkChick · 23/04/2007 14:06

i think she would want to know BUT her parents(if they were hers and not his?) are her lifeline at minute what with messy separartion/divorce?, so wouldnt want to put cat amongst pidgeons if it was a one of???

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powder28 · 23/04/2007 14:07

If things are already strained for the family then I would just not mention it as it may make things worse.

However, if you feel that you need to tell her then do it.

colditz · 23/04/2007 14:08

WTF Keep your nose out?

You see a child, whose mother you know is hell bent against smacking, being smacked by a non parent?

I'm afraid I'd tell her, straight away. I'd ask, first "Do you ever smack X? How do you feel avbout smacking then?" Then I would tell her.

If anyone smacked my children I'd kick up stink.

Original poster
PinkChick · 23/04/2007 14:09

i think i may ask her how dd is after yesterday as i saw her really upset..then if she doesnt already no she was upset she may broach it with parents and they may tell her what happend???..but then again dont want to upset her telling her that her dd was upset, she may have been having a nice break from children and i muck it up?

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JoanCrawford · 23/04/2007 14:10

If 'someone' smacked my child, then yes, I'd want to know. But we're talking about this womans parents. The way I read it is that they were panicked and felt out of control. If anything, I would imagine them being alot calmer at home.

But only you know what the incident was like. If you really feel the need to tell this woman, then I assume it was perhaps worse than you describe.

Tbh, if you were telling me about how my parents smacked my child - I wouldn't thank you. I'd probably tell you to mind your own business.

Original poster
PinkChick · 23/04/2007 14:11

same here Colditz, id want to know asap and would not be happy regardless of who it was, but then i dont know if she already knows they do this or what her situation is?..i will bring it up, but dont know what about the smack?

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powder28 · 23/04/2007 14:11

Agree with Colditz.

Original poster
PinkChick · 23/04/2007 14:12

god i wouldnt!, id thank the person for telling me then let rip at the person who smacked?, different people though

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