Should i say something to the mum?

[PinkChick]

My dd's friend (4yr old)from school nursery was today collected by grandparents(think they are mums parents, mum and dad are in middle of messy separation)..walking out of gates looked back as heard crying and it was dd's friend really crying and throwing herself around, grandparents were talking to her and trying to calm her down and continuing to walk out of school, child was still crying and shouting(no idea why?, maybe she expected mum/dad to collect??)..anyway, we stopped to chat outside gates and they got past us, grandma now carrying child..we almost got right behind them when child started jumping and stmaping her feet and grandma imitated her, making her much worse..so grndma then smacksed her twice hard on the bottom and grabbed her..they both turned round and saw us and grandma looked surprised(as we wernt near them when we left)..then as we got past and further away, grandad sort of half shouted at her..........
now, ive seen him a few times and he sems very placid and the shout was tame and non threatening, but the two hard smacks from grandma(who ive not seen before) were unnecessary, yes she was creating, but in my all knowing wisdon, id have either tried to solve issue or if no issue just a tatrum, ignored it.
i know other generations do thing differently, but i know for certain her mum would NEVER smack either of her children and am concerned now as this little girl was back off to thier house and worry what may have happend if she had not calmed down?..do i ask mum what was wrong when i see her tomorrow and mention the smacks or keep my nose out?

its hard to do tho as i have lots of opinions on what he did to her/them, but THAT is not my place to say..so that i will keep to myself, but she knows how i feel as i can sometimes be tactfully opinionated

Well done on the way it was handled. TBH I am quite alarmed by the amount of people that said it is none of your business/ignore it. When we take that attitude then we enter dangerous territory. It was obviously enough to concern you so you not only had a right to tell the mother but IMO a duty.

Job well done I'd say. Brilliant.

Good on you, PC. I'm another one who is shocked by the "ignore it" attitude some have on this thread

yeah, i didnt really understand why either, the only person at risk if i was to speak up was me and id rather fall out than worry about that LO, i just didnt know how to say it, i think when she first walked away and i though uh oh!, she was realising she was going to have to do something now as it was out in open for all to see and not something her mum does when shes naughty in her house..i would never hit dd or anyone elses child for so many reasons, but one of which the child will think this is what you 'do' to get someone to do what you want..wrong signal!

Good for you PC, I'm glad you didn't take the ostrich approach so surprisingly many people on here have suggested. If it weren't for 'nosy' neighbours a lot of awful things would continue to take place. And the lack of them has meant all kinds of things have happened to children - after the fact everyone asks 'why wasn't this reported? Surely someone knew about it'.

However the story is quite odd - a mother who is very against smacking being prepared to turn a 'blind eye' to her mother's smacking. Plus the way you described it, with them mimicking her tantrum, it all sounds very cruel. Did you manage to get across to the mum how horrible it looked?

Just read this thread, and my first thought was that if this was my child, i'd really want to know. I agree that you did the right thing - you witnessed something, so it is your business - you may not be responsible for that child, but i think we all have a responsibility to children - and hopefully the mother will now tackle this.

Well done pinkchick - I read back through this thread to count how many posters said not to say anything and I was shocked.
I had a crappy childhood too and get very upset by people not standing up for our children. I was that child once and like you would rather know I can sleep at night with a clear conscience than keep quiet and turn a blind eye at the risk of upsetting someone.

with regard to grandma mimicking the child i did tell her that to and said when xxx was stamping and shouting your mum copied her and it made her worse, 'i said', i think she was trying to make light of it but it went totally the wrong way and xxx got more upset.
TBH, i think she is finding it so hard at the minute she hasnt had the energy to say/do anything as everything is like a struggle to her(quite rightly with all thats going on) so as much as she is against it, she didnt have the inclination to say anything?, my sumamtion only, but thin thats how it has been, now she feels the urge to do something after i brought it up, maybe because 'someone' saw them do it?

Does the mimicking worry you?

TBH no
I think its was the grandmothers way of trying to make light of it once shed seen me, but failed miserably as i thought she was mean and LO got more frustrated
mum knows what happend and i get the impression there would be 'words' exchanged!

She ought to set up treats for the little girl so she can look forward to seeing her grandmother. Doesn't have to be much just something to make being picked up by someone other than mum a pleasure.

i know, you know, most of us know..grnadma doesnt..it must be 'in her' to do that as first reaction..so maybe mum was hit also ?

The problem with people who use hitting is that they often don't have other techniques. But (think the best here) I'm sure the grandmother would like to have a good relationship with her grandaughter.

i think they do, but obv LO's beahviour because of home being so rocky is something gm doesnt no how to handle, kind of old school, but she cant do what she did, hopefully when mum sees her, shell say i saw her and said something, may then make her think twice..hopefully!