Should i say something to the mum?

[PinkChick]

My dd's friend (4yr old)from school nursery was today collected by grandparents(think they are mums parents, mum and dad are in middle of messy separation)..walking out of gates looked back as heard crying and it was dd's friend really crying and throwing herself around, grandparents were talking to her and trying to calm her down and continuing to walk out of school, child was still crying and shouting(no idea why?, maybe she expected mum/dad to collect??)..anyway, we stopped to chat outside gates and they got past us, grandma now carrying child..we almost got right behind them when child started jumping and stmaping her feet and grandma imitated her, making her much worse..so grndma then smacksed her twice hard on the bottom and grabbed her..they both turned round and saw us and grandma looked surprised(as we wernt near them when we left)..then as we got past and further away, grandad sort of half shouted at her..........
now, ive seen him a few times and he sems very placid and the shout was tame and non threatening, but the two hard smacks from grandma(who ive not seen before) were unnecessary, yes she was creating, but in my all knowing wisdon, id have either tried to solve issue or if no issue just a tatrum, ignored it.
i know other generations do thing differently, but i know for certain her mum would NEVER smack either of her children and am concerned now as this little girl was back off to thier house and worry what may have happend if she had not calmed down?..do i ask mum what was wrong when i see her tomorrow and mention the smacks or keep my nose out?

Pinkchick if you are concerned about this child being in a dangerous situation then maybe you should report it.
Don't the nspcc have a website that lists all the signs to look out for.
Better to act on your concerns and be proved wrong than do nothing and something awful happens.
I know this is very easy for me to say because it's not me who has to do it but we all have a duty to protect children.
What do you think you should do?

I think I would have to say something. I don't think it is somethign that needs reporting, but if I was the mum I would want to know. I'd bring it up casually, ask her if the little girl is ok, and mention that you saw her having a horrendous tantrum on friday and slip in that the grandma slapped her and it jsut got worse, then at least she will know.

you never know, perhaps the gran felt remorseful and told, or at 4, the child probably told.
It is not against the law is it
and it is a generational thing, tho i am sure my mum never hit mine

If ANYONE smacked my kids i'd want to know.
I'd do it in a discreet way, sort of "Oh is your dd o.k as she was really upset the other day..." see if she takes the bait and if not, then i would say "i hope you don't think i'm interfering but....." I would be terrified of interfering but i know that I'D want to know!

Awful situation!

personally i think it woudl be adding fuel to the fire, you thought it was mum's mum, not inlaw.. i really think it is their business, whole family must be going through difficult time.

It's none of your business.

Things we dont know about behind closed doors i agree it is not our business. But when people do things out in open in front of you, I feel as THEY have done it in the public arena so to speak they have given us -unwillingly I'm sure- a right to say something. This is a personal point of view and yes it has got me in trouble before with some people, but i would rather regret doing something than not doing something and then wish i had. Tough situ for you though PinkChick. It's the strength of that slap the grandma gave that worries me, not the tantrum copying as my mum has done the same when one of mine had a turn !!

I don't "agree with those saying keep your nose out" at all. In fact "walk on by" attitude makes me v cross. Children need protecting from abuse and I would risk sticking your nose in and tell her mother on this occasion.

hi all, mum must have been late this morning as she was collecting when i was so i clled her back quite flippantly and said xxx how is xxx today?, mum straight away said oh my god, did you see her yesterday?, she was terrible(so she new about tantrum), i said oh i was just concerned as id never seen her so upset before and from the look of it your parents hadntseen her like that either, she said no, they hadnt but she has started doing this when someone other than herself collects her altely(she was happy as larry today!), she said her mum didnt know what to do so i said yes i thought that as i s\w her smack xxx's bottom when we'd got round the corner and she was still crying and throwing herself on floor..(serious face from mum!), i then said i didnt want you to think i was interfering, but i know how you feel about smacking and thought id best mention it even if it means yo think i am interfering..she then said that she was grateful i did, but her mum has said that this seems the 'only way' to get her to calm down at the minute!!???, but as id confirmed that this was against her wishes, she would be speaking to them to say it is not the only way and that they must either come up with an alternative way of dealing with the situation or not collect her if her first reaction is to smack..mum then walked of and i thought oh sh*t, but then she caught back up with me and was telling me about how difficult shes finding it as her ex dh(soon to be)is not taking responsability for the consequences he caused(he walked out), we chatted for ages, she is trying so hard and is speaking to her mum about it, although she did seem to already know.
am glad i said something, i know it could have gone totally wrong way and backfired on me, but i would rather do this than nothing, now i know that child will not be smacked by her grandparents again and mum has reason to bing it up with them!(grandparents may give me cold shoulder now tho but hey ho)

flippantly was wrong word, meant in a breezy kind of way

It is your business, I think, actually. Children are not property to be handled as the parent/owner decides.

I agree CLD about the reference to the force used for the smack. Something is not quite right. Pinkchick, can you ring this woman up or do you not have that kind of friendship with her?

sorry, X-posted, well done you.

Well done Pinkchick. You've done th right thing. Violence against children is everybody's business.

Well done Pinkchick, you did the right thing in a sensitive way.

thanks feel much better for bringing ti up and for the fact she still wanted to talk to be after..think it gave her the push to say something to mum(maybe her mum DOES smack and did ao to her as a child and this is why she is so against?)..anyway, feel glad i said something cos i wonder how many people saw me suffering at that age and did nothing

I think you did the right thing and handled it well. If her grandparents lost it and smacked her twice within minutes of picking her up, what the hell goes on when they've been looking after her for hours on end and they lose it?

glad it all worked out in a difficult situation for you

pinkchick just seen this and I wanted to say well done to you for doing what was clearly the right thing.
I agree with MI, children being hit is everyone's business frankly. and the dd is going through a difficult time just like everyone else in this situation and doesn't need to be hit in public - she needs care and understanding.
I hope it doesn't have consequences for you

TBH im not botherd if parents do ignore/say something, i know i did what was best for that LO, her mum is happier and i can sleep knowing mum is doing something about it or at least knows what went on.
shes such a lovely little girl, but my dd pushed her over in playground yesterday too so she wasnt having a good day(dd apologised)i actually have a pic of her and dd on my screen saver from dd's party at weekend and everytime i looked at it my heart went to her, but fingers crossed all will be sorted now!

Well done PinkChick - you handled it beautifully and probably helped the mother too in seeing that people do care. Wish I could handle things like that so well! So sorry to hear you say about your childhood though , let's hope we have more people speaking out about what they see/hear these days xxx

thanks crazylazydaisy, felt i babbled but seems i did say it in the right way otherwise she would have chatted to me on way home(actually bought her dd and my dd and mindee a mini choc bar and drink for after lunch as a thank god that turned out well!)
my mum wouldnt even admit(nor will she to this day)what happend to me, so i know he effects of 'keep your mouth shut' ..am ok now, just more observant, just glad i said something

well done. sounds too like the mum needs all the support she can get at the moment - and has taken what you did as a kind of support iyswim. I'm sure she's glad to know people look out for her LO, especially in the circumstances

i think its quite sad that she fully opend her heart to me in street on way back from schol, obv even tho she can get people to help out picking kids ups etc, shes not got much actual support..its difficult cos shes normally quite private, but she does seem to be opening up to me, so i may even just be able to help by listening?

aah PinkChick what a kind person you are. I think to be able to listen and not always feel you have to give advice is such a skill. Sometimes thats all we need. She will really appreciate that I'm sure