Strange shift in values/expectations...

[emkana]

I don't know if I can put my thoughts into words but here goes...
Sometimes I wonder about the enormous change in values/expectations in our society (and in German society, as that's where I come from and still have many friends/family). It feels like I need to justify myself for things like - no, at this point in time, with dd's still quite small, I don't want to have a weekend away from them. Now I know that other people feel differently and that's fine, but why do so many friends feel the need to tell me that I have to do something for myself? Why can't I decide for myself that what I want now is spend time with my children? At home, not going out clubbing or whatever?
I find it so weird just thinking about what my grandmother would have said 50 years ago if somebody had told her that she had to start thinking about her own needs - she probably would have loved her head off - in those days she would have been criticized for doing things which were purely for her - not that that's something I want to go back to, but when/why did things go so totally the other way? Same with working - again, I respect everyone's choices here, but why can't my personal choice to stay at home not be respected, why am I told that I owe it to myself to go back to work -
really winds me up sometimes -
maybe it's just me?

I think parents need different amounts of breaks from their children at different times in their lives. IME how I feel about time away, time to be 'me' changes over the years. So a holiday with 8 hours of kids club a day might be just right one year but not the next.

I feel stressed looking after toddlers. When my son were younger, I needed more 'me' time. I feel less stressed looking after school aged children so need less 'me' time now. Next month I might go stir crazy and my children will annoy the hell out of me, so I'll suddenly want to get away.

I do love being in my children's company, with our without dh. I feel sometimes there's too much pressure to socialise with others. I do love seeing my friends with children, but I also need lots of time alone with my sons just to get really close to them, to give them my full attention, not distracted by my own friends. I've just spent a pretty home bound, unsociable week on holiday at with my sons and it has been lovely

Mind you, I'm saying that as a parent who usually goes out to work, and will be going away on holiday to Devon soon, so I've got my rose tinted glasses on

Well I have the opposite problem & have been criticised for going on holiday with DH & without my children! We try to get away for a week on our own every year if we can. We've been accused of being selfish. He works permanent nights & I work full time days. We don't get weekends together like "normal" families & each of us is either at work or looking after the children. We get very tired & end up arguing, so for one week a year we get time to recharge & just have time together, & remember why we got together in the first place

While we are away the children go to either my mum or the in laws. They have a great time & can't wait for us to leave.

My friend has never had a night away from her 4 yo, & i find that odd, but it's her decision & nothing to do with me. That being the case I'm fed up with people telling me I shouldn't be so selfish as to leave my poor children behind. The one problem I forsee in not doing anything without the children is that they grow up & don't want to be with you anymore & then you have a big hole to fill.... (speaking from experience, as my DD is now 18)

Tallulah, good for you! If I could do it I would.

just an aside, due to lack of extended family nearby, dh and I have not had a night alone together for 10 years If only we had inlaws living nearby.

just an aside, due to a complete lack of a local extended family, dh and I have not had a night alone together for 10 years If only we had inlaws living nearby.

oops!