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Original poster

Just wait until they have kids.....

200 replies

prufrock · 22/07/2004 15:17

We have been invited to a wedding soon. It's one of dh's best mates (actually the guy he was with when I first met him, who I thought was really cute) They have specified no kids. Now that's fine, we did the same but he's the last one of our group to get married, so now all of us have kids so it makes it a bit more difficult and the wedding is down near Devon, and they, and all their friends come from London, so it's not like we can just go for the afternoon/evening.
But we'd sorted it out, that dd will go to MIL's and ds (who will only be 4 months and bf) will come with us and we would get a babysitter to look after him. So I called to say that was what we were doing, and would it be OK if ds comes to the church (timing/location will make it difficult for feeds otherwise) AND THEY SAID NO!

Now I can totally understand them not wanting toddlers running about, and I can understand them not wanting to have to pay for meals for children, but saying no to a 4 month old baby being at the bloody church!
Now I don't know what to do. If I leave ds at the hotel for the service it will mean being away for one of his main feeds, and he's not brilliant at taking bottles, and if he doesn't feed well at 11.30 he won't sleep properly at lunch and so will be grumpy baby for the babysitter for the rest of the afternoon. Plus it means an extra 3-4 hours babysitting at £9 an hour, which when we are already paying £210 for the hotel, and petrol to get there, and outfits and presents and £81 babysitting for the afternoon/evening..... you get the picture.

OP posts:
lemonice · 22/07/2004 17:18

I think it would be really dull go to a wedding full of po faced people who live such controlled and insular lives.

memder · 22/07/2004 17:21

I have always thought this totally wrong. It's like saying you can come but not your husband as he can be a bit loud and we wouldn't want him to ruin our big day. Hope people like that have it slapped right back at them one day! Also can't understand people if it's a money thing -(you live within your means, so don't spend so much on other things) - does this mean don't invite the oldies because... well you know

memder · 22/07/2004 17:22

lemonice I totally agree!!!!!!!

codswallop · 22/07/2004 17:29

the OLd poeple may si down fro too long an hog the chairs?

I tell you I cringe at myself when I was engaged

bloody wedings -t hey are so boring anyway

has anyone evr enjoyed anyone elses?

twogorgeousboys · 22/07/2004 17:30

We didn't have children when we married, but so many of our friends did I felt it was totally unreasonable of me to tell them "no children".

I still don't agree with this "it's our day" business. B*gger off and get married on you own then if it is.

Grrr - can feel myself busting out of my t-shirt and turning green .

codswallop · 22/07/2004 17:31

oh yes
our day bollox.

Jimjams · 22/07/2004 17:34

I tend to enjpy weddings providing everyone relaxes. I hate all this "special day" up my own arse business- sure its about exchanging vows and then having a big party.

katierocket · 22/07/2004 17:36

prufrock - not had chance to read all of this but I think it is unreasonable of them but also expect that they simply have no clue as to how upsetting/offensive it is to parents.

Angeliz · 22/07/2004 17:37

I went to a Greek wedding in London last year with dd and dp and it was FANTASTIC!

Wine and whisky on all tables and kids dancing ALL night1 I then went to a very formal one and i went to the hotel room with dd after i realised exactly HOW formal it was. DP and i(it was his freind), had a HUGE row! DD and i had a f=great time, we ordered room service and dd fell asleep and i got a bottle of wine (didn't drink it all before you all shoot me down)

I found out later that the freinds had WANTED dd there to break the ice!!!!! After the formal meal the speeches went on for 2 hours so i don't know what they expected a two yera old to do!!

We are invited to a VERY formal wedding in a few weeks, a great freind of mine and as dd's name wasn't on the invitation she is staying with nana!

Angeliz · 22/07/2004 17:38

don't know how that f=great got there!!!!! Looks like i'm swearing but i didn't type that!!

SoupDragon · 22/07/2004 17:43

Sorry, it's their wedding, they can invite who they damn well like. They just have to accept the consequences of their invitation policy. If you don't like their invitation policy, then don't go and tell them why.

Angeliz · 22/07/2004 17:44

I will be getting married oneday and i don't worry that kids will spoile the day!
I worry that some drunken family member will drag up something from the past and all hell will brak loose!

As i've said before, am considering Vegas!!

Tommy · 22/07/2004 17:51

You could just take your DS anyway (if you stuill want to go)They should be too busy to notice that she's there anyway and, also, a church is a public building so anyone's allowed in. I think your friends are being a bit unrealsitic and ignorant of the needs of tiny babies (I took DS2 to a funeral when he was 10 weeks and to the grave and he was as quiet as a mouse the whole time)although I appreciate that since it's their do they can say what they want. I think I would either not go or take the baby.
Good luck!

muddaofsuburbia · 22/07/2004 18:22

My cousin brought her 3 week old dd to our wedding. The biggest problem was when I was walking down the aisle with my dad and I saw her for the first time and went all gooey and clucky and had to really concentrate on carrying on walking. I was ready to stop and have a full on baby conversation while poor dh2b was standing tapping his feet on the altar
I love having the photos of a teeny weeny baby at my wedding!

tallulah · 22/07/2004 18:31

Excluding children isn't a new thing. My aunt got married in 1975 & said no children. My dad- her brother- told her in no uncertain terms that me & my brother (12 & 10) were going whether she liked it or not! We went & all had a great time!

We didn't particularly want children at our wedding in 1983 but my mum told us we were being unreasonable. (& we were!) We ended up with a lot of kids there aged from a few months (my dad breaks off his speech on the video to say "it's OK Jolene, not much longer" following background screaming, & it makes me smile every time I watch it ) to about 14 ish. No-one had any tantrums, except the bride

codswallop · 22/07/2004 18:32

aaah Jolene!

feezy · 22/07/2004 18:33

At bil wedding was told if I wanted to breastfeed 2 week dd I should go up to Hotel room as it might offend other guests . What a t**r!

highlander · 22/07/2004 18:36

I'm going to stick my neck out here in support of 'adults only'. A couple of years back my DH had 3 close friends all get married in one summer (yay!)

1 wedding was a 'bring your kids' affair and it was bloody awful. The babies (x3) screamed the church down, the parents blissfully unaware that NO-ONE could hear the vows. The toddlers ran everywhere so that the parents coudln't really mingle, and they talked all the way through the speeches.

Our wedding was no kids, but tiny babies OK. Thankfully the parents had the sense to run out at the tiniest squeek. I phoned the hotel months in advance to warn them they might need to supply a last minute baby watching service or babysitting. Bearing in mind parents are ALWAYS skint, we specified no pressies which everyone thankfully adhered to.

I think if parents want to take a baby, that's fine if they're happy. But a wedding is a 'show' for a lot of people and howling babies, parents getting up and down from their table can disturb things (I think making a discrete exit from a church is easier).

joanneg · 22/07/2004 18:48

I think that imposing this rule is one thing - but imposing this rule and getting married so far away is different altogether. It would be fair enough if you all lived in Devon - but it must be a nightmare organising this with a baby. I remember ds when he was 4 months old and there is no way we could have left him like that - especially when he needs a feed - for such a long period of time. It is just lucky that you can afford to attend this wedding! I think that you have bent over backwards to enjoy their day with them - and even paid out to as well! - so why they cant be a little flexible is bad. I wouldnt go personally.

Beetroot · 22/07/2004 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jimjams · 22/07/2004 18:52

mudda- ds1 was 6 weeks old at his first wedding (my cousin's) and there was a younger baby there as well.
Highlander I'm stunned the parents didn't take thier kids out tbh, I've taken ds1 out of 2 weddings for crying.

joanneg · 22/07/2004 18:52

Can I just add that I would have hated not having my neices at my wedding. having the children there just added to the sense of family and was such a nice day (very sloppy). There was the odd squeek from my neice who was a baby, but I was so blooming nervous I didnt hear it to be honest. Might have been the sound of my mil blubbing that drowned out everything else that did it!!

Jimjams · 22/07/2004 18:52

wow beety!

Jimjams · 22/07/2004 18:53

My page boy (my 3 year old cousin) spent the service saying "shhh" during the prayers- very funny. He was good as gold though.

Angeliz · 22/07/2004 18:55

I think the Greeks have it sussed as far as having fun goes!
Have ben to a wedding in Greece but this one in London (Greek too) was FANTASTIC!!
I didn't know the groom but his grandad (Greek) came over and said dd was great and having fun and a good dancer! DD has never forgoten it!