Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

Just wait until they have kids.....

200 replies

prufrock · 22/07/2004 15:17

We have been invited to a wedding soon. It's one of dh's best mates (actually the guy he was with when I first met him, who I thought was really cute) They have specified no kids. Now that's fine, we did the same but he's the last one of our group to get married, so now all of us have kids so it makes it a bit more difficult and the wedding is down near Devon, and they, and all their friends come from London, so it's not like we can just go for the afternoon/evening.
But we'd sorted it out, that dd will go to MIL's and ds (who will only be 4 months and bf) will come with us and we would get a babysitter to look after him. So I called to say that was what we were doing, and would it be OK if ds comes to the church (timing/location will make it difficult for feeds otherwise) AND THEY SAID NO!

Now I can totally understand them not wanting toddlers running about, and I can understand them not wanting to have to pay for meals for children, but saying no to a 4 month old baby being at the bloody church!
Now I don't know what to do. If I leave ds at the hotel for the service it will mean being away for one of his main feeds, and he's not brilliant at taking bottles, and if he doesn't feed well at 11.30 he won't sleep properly at lunch and so will be grumpy baby for the babysitter for the rest of the afternoon. Plus it means an extra 3-4 hours babysitting at £9 an hour, which when we are already paying £210 for the hotel, and petrol to get there, and outfits and presents and £81 babysitting for the afternoon/evening..... you get the picture.

OP posts:
codswallop · 22/07/2004 15:19

I wouldnt go

codswallop · 22/07/2004 15:19

I think actually in the c of e that a wedding is a public occasion and you cant actually ban people from it
a bsolute shit
and these are friends?

Hulababy · 22/07/2004 15:23

I think in this case I would also be tempted not to go too and to tell them why. Okay, there choice not to accept children...but they then have to take the consequences of what that means when inviting people with young families.

StickyNote · 22/07/2004 15:23

I am so completely and utterly gobsmacked by this, I'm speechless .

What's your ds supposed to do, starve??

Beetroot · 22/07/2004 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Kayleigh · 22/07/2004 15:24

wow, think they are being just a bit unreasonable.
don't know what to suggest.
am quite gobsmacked by their attitude

muddaofsuburbia · 22/07/2004 15:24

Prufrock - much sympathy. You should mention how disappointed you'll be at having to sit in your car for the duration of the ceremony, but that you're willing to make sacrifices for such an important occasion. Then leave a long pause and see if they take the hint.

You're bending over backwards to get to this wedding. I guess cos it's their day, they've got wedding blinkers on. Is it that they maybe imagine a crying baby on the video soundtrack? In which case don't they realise that you would obviously move to a side room or the back of the church. I'm miffed on your behalf.

Northerner · 22/07/2004 15:25

I wouldn't go either. You'll be fretting and stressed and won't enjoy it.

bunnyrabbit · 22/07/2004 15:26

Prufrock,
The obvious answer is don't go.. but this is obviously not really what you want to do.

Have you explained to the friend that the baby will need a breastfeed? Ask him what he suggests you do if you cannot bring the baby into the church?

BR

Beetroot · 22/07/2004 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Yorkiegirl · 22/07/2004 15:26

Message withdrawn

lostinparis · 22/07/2004 15:29

I guess it's because they are worried about a baby crying during the service. In some ways I think that you have to accept it is their day so they can decide exactly what they want but that they will also have to run the risk of you not being able to go at all (which is up to you if you find that what they are imposing is going too far).

Sonnet · 22/07/2004 15:30

Unbelieveable............totally.........

If it were me in this situation I would decline and explain why - BUT if this put DH in awkward position (old friends and all that)I would join the wedding after the church and let them know WHY!
We too had the last set of friends requesting "no kids" when we all had them - very funny now as they have 3 and shoe is now on other foot with another friend of theirs and DF is not happy....LOL

Hulababy · 22/07/2004 15:34

I honestly don't think these people who have 'no kids' weddings realise what a pian it can e for the families organising childcare/getting there, etc. as they don't have children of there own. Friends of ours had no kids (pre DD days) but his own brother had a new born of just a few weeks. Even that baby was banned and the SIL had to miss significant parts of the day to be able tod deal with it. His brother was best man so couldn't really miss much. And they had to arrange her her mother to come along to the town to baby sit. Couldn't belive it at all!

pamina3 · 22/07/2004 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wellsie · 22/07/2004 15:44

Ahhhh, to be young, free and narrow-minded. Yes, you just wait until they have kids - they're going to have a bloody shock!

Just wanted to add my little problem which is apparently DS!
MIL is getting married (3rd time lucky!) later this year. She is having the big white do (goodness knows why?) and her only grandchild is not invited.
But guess what, she asked if my mum would bring him to the church after the ceremony for photos, talk about a fair weather granny!!!!!

Weddings are a celebration for all to enjoy. If your friends are worried about DS screaming the place down perhaps you could reassure them that you would pop outside the church if this happened.

Original poster
prufrock · 22/07/2004 15:44

Thank you all for being so shocked on my behalf. I was thinking of staying at the hotel and missing the ceremony then just going to the do, but thought that would be a bit rude - but as you've said, it's their decision that is forcing me to do that. What makes it even worse is that tha bride works at Great Ormond street, and used to be a neonatal nurse, so you think she'd understand that babies need feeding regardless of their mothers social commitments.

He actually said to me "we don't really want babies in the church, but wouldn't mind if you just wheeled him round outside or something"!

OP posts:
Angeliz · 22/07/2004 15:46

I wouldn't go at all now!
I'd be well p**d off!

gscrym · 22/07/2004 15:46

I think they are being a touch unreasonable (okay, a big slap unreasonable) but whilst I don't agree with them, the long and the short of it is, it's their wedding and up to them who they allow to go. They may be saying a blanket no to kids becuase if they let one family bring kids they'll come up against all kinds of grief. Are they close friends and do you see them often? Could it be a case of inviting loads of people they know for more presents?
We had kids at our wedding and they all had an absolute blast. Sometimes kids make a wedding. There may of course be a holy terror somewhere in the guest list they wish to avoid.

Hulababy · 22/07/2004 15:48

I have to say that IMO weddings should be family occasions and as such have always felt that children should be part of them. But I think I am a bit old fashioned in some of my views like that now.

Twinkie · 22/07/2004 15:49

Its not just C of E - any church is a public place and can be entered by anyone regardless of what is going on - rent a bloody playgroup and take them with you - I would!!

gscrym · 22/07/2004 15:49

Wellsie, I'd tell her if she wants him in the photos, then she had better want him at the ceremony.

vict17 · 22/07/2004 15:50

Wellsie - that is outrageous! What are you going to do?!

SoupDragon · 22/07/2004 15:50

I'd just take the baby to the church and sit at the back ready to move quickly should there be any noise - what are they going to do?? Both bride and groom will be too busy and won't notice.

codswallop · 22/07/2004 15:52

wellsie can we all come with our babies?

prufrock I would send a bland note saying " after all you cant come"
and let them draw the conclusions as to why