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Nikcolas Thread

401 replies

fairyfly · 19/07/2004 03:01

A thread for you to do what you do

OP posts:
nikcola · 23/08/2004 23:39

they never meet till today , im so angry with him right now i feel like running away and never coming back

nikcola · 23/08/2004 23:40

but his family are proberrly laughing at me and i hate that thought

nikcola · 23/08/2004 23:41

im gonna go and cry and drink and cry somemore xx all my life people have left me and i cant take it no more

Turquoise · 23/08/2004 23:41

Good. Stay angry. I know you're sick with sadness too, but angry is much much better - just remember he DID have a choice, really hard i know but he could have stood up to them.

nikcola · 23/08/2004 23:43

mi are you here ???

sykes · 23/08/2004 23:45

Nik, you've got two lovely friends and your dd, it must be so hard, but you've got to look at the future - college etc? It WILL get better.

Turquoise · 23/08/2004 23:51

That "good" was to your angry post, btw, not the one about crying. This must be as bad as it can get, you can only get stronger from here.

motherinferior · 24/08/2004 08:53

Oh babe, I'm so sorry. I logged off and crashed out (via row with MY dp - must be something in the air today!)

Yep, hang on to that anger. Please. Because when he comes back, you need to find out what the hell is going on and what happens now.

He's not the victim in this. He's not the one who deserves sympathy. You are. And even more, your dd.

I'm soooooooo sorry

nikcola · 24/08/2004 10:08

i bought dd a fish tank yesterday with his money i really do feel so sad and there is no one to talk about it with other than lovely mners

i cant sleep i cant eat i just feel sick all the time i need a hug xx

nikcola · 24/08/2004 10:11

im goinna go out for a few hours and get dds fish so ill be back later i hvant been on much cause my friends staying for a few days

hercules · 24/08/2004 10:15

{}{} Cyber hugs nikcola!

I am so sorry to hear what happened and angry at him.

Remember to put yourself first at all times.

Twinkie · 24/08/2004 10:21

Nicola - You have to get out of this relationship it is doing neither you ir DD any good - he CHOSE HIMSELF to go through with this marraige - he could of at any time refused and come to live with you - life would have been hard but believe me people go through harder things than disappointing their family (believe me I have disappointed mine because I wanted to do what was right and so they stood up in court and fought against me for my daughter but I beleived in what I was fightingh for and for what I wanted my life to be abd because I loved someone sooo much) - if he does not have the courage or conviction to do this you are aklways going to come last and you don;t deserve that - DO NOT LET HIM COME BACK AND CARRY ON BEING HIS BIT ON THE SIDE - HE IS NOT THE VICTIM HE HAS EVERYTHING HE WANTS WHILST YOU ARE FALLING TO PIECES!!

Blu · 24/08/2004 10:23

Yes, Nikki, you do need a hug - and you deserve one too.
The thing about people leaving you all your life - just remember that they have done that because of the way THEY are, not because of the way YOU are. Imagine leaving your lovely DD - no - you can't, can you? You would never do it. So think what kind of person can leave their child / the mother of their child...
There are good people out there who will stick by you, and when you learn to trust that fact you can turn round and say 'told you so' to all the people who have let you down so badly.

And then zoom off to your fab new nursing job, leaving them choking in the exhaust of the car you are driving!!!

Go Nik!

motherinferior · 24/08/2004 10:43

Blu is so right.

And I know cyber hugs and cyber friends aren't enough, but please believe us when we say that RL has so much more to offer you.

nikcola · 25/08/2004 22:16

i realy do no what your saying that i should just leave him but i really have no one ive been so lonley these past 2 weeks , i do love him still but i wouldnt tell him that , i think i just need to talk to him ive writen him a letter about how he has hurt me and he cant come round when he gets back untill hes read it

nikcola · 25/08/2004 22:22

i hve never felt so shit in my life im too tired to sleep iykwim, i cant eat (wich i spose is a good thing) im smoking about 20 a day and im just so drained from crying so much dd keeps saying to me daddys on holiday dont cry mommy what the hell am i supposed to say to he , sorry dd hes a bastard and he doesnt loves us

sassy · 26/08/2004 07:02

Oh Nikki, my heart goes out to you.
Not posted before but I have been following your thread. I know you're at rock bottom at the moment but I'm sure things will begin to improve for you soon. College starts soon and that will help to give you something else to focus on a well as giving you and dd a bit of a break from each other - you will appreciate your time with her so much more when you aren't together 24/7.
As for your man, I know its terribly hard but I really agree with the other advice you've been given here. He will always be in your life because of your dd but at the mo he seems to be having his cake and eating it at your expense. Time to kick him into touch, babe. You are going to have a tough time for a while but i promise you,things WILL get better and you WILL be happy again.
Love and hugs to you and dd x

motherinferior · 26/08/2004 09:28

College will help, as sassy says. It will give you a structure and a focus and CHILDCARE (hurrah!). Ane people, other people around you who want to make friends too. You have been so lonely and isolated but really it doesn't have to be like this any more. You need more than one person in your life - everyone does, sweetheart.

I think also that he may well not read the letter properly or be prepared to talk to you. Because he's never, never done so in the past.

nikcola · 26/08/2004 19:38

he didnt ring me today he rang yesterday but i just cryed and told him i didnt no how he could of done this to me and he cryed too,

my friend has just asked to stay today and sat my mom is coming to take me food shopping and snday he is back im not going to let him in the house untill he has read the letter,

blu, i would like to think that people leave me bacause of the way they are but i no its really down to me my mom didnt want me my mom didnt want me even bloody socila services git sick of me and now he is leaving me so it must be me like mu dad once said to me it cant be all of those people with a problem it must me me what the hell am i doing wrong all i want to do is love someone thats why i had dd ffs,

im so hurt wright now and im slippg just like the other time i tyed to kill myself twice before (mostly i did it people to listern to me) but i really feel like i didn then now iykwim

nikcola · 26/08/2004 19:40

i ment my dad dint want me either

tammybear · 26/08/2004 19:41

oh nikcola. i have lots of sympathy and hugs for you. im on msn so if you want to talk 2night, you know where I am. xxx

nikcola · 26/08/2004 19:44

thanks tammy xxx

motherinferior · 27/08/2004 13:20

NIKKI. LISTEN TO ME.

It's not you. IT IS NOT YOU. IT ISN'T YOU. Your mum and dad have THEIR problems. That is why they rejected you. Social services do their best but they are overstretched and kids fall through (I know a lot about this). And children, children like you, blame themselves for other people's crappiness - and people like your dad are happy to make that worse.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I reckon your bloke was the first person to come along to be a bit nice to you. And like all of us in your situation (certainly me) you loved him with all your heart for it. He hasn't behaved well to you. Or to dd. That is NOT you. It's about him, and about how he's been too scared to stand up to his family, and too mean to treat you right financially or emotionally.

Please please please believe me. I wondered too why people left me; it took me years to think perhaps I settled for the sort of people who didn't know how to treat me well IYSWIM. Why do you think I didn't have my kids till I was about 20 years older than you were when you had dd? Because it took me that long to realise perhaps there were other possibilities out there and then I grabbed them (poor old dp !)
IT IS NOT YOU.

Twinkie · 27/08/2004 13:29

Here Here MI.

Nicki - you are a great person whi is pretty, clever and a agreat mum - and you are feeling shit because he puts you down and doesn't tell you are value your great self worth.

As for parents - holy shit - they are there I think to make us feel bad half the time and believe me all we can learn from them is how to bring our children up properly - whether it be totally different from them (in my case as well as yours) or in other cases the same cause some people have great parents - just as your little princess does.

Nickola - it is his way of controlling you - making you feel sorry for him and bad about yourself - pleased do not fall for it - you are fab and great and a very clever, nice young woman from what I can tell caught in a spiral of abuse trying to find someone who cares for you and as MI said grab the first person that comes along and you let them treat you like shit because when they treat you nice (the small part of the time that they do) it makes up for all the heartache - well from someone who has been there - the little you get from them is not worth the pain and sufferuing they put you through and they should feel greatful for you being in their life not the other way around.

Nicki - please wake up to what this cretin is doing to you - making you feel like shit so when he is a little bit nice you jump on it thinking it is all you deserve when really you deserve it all the time honey - you and Shireen deserve the moon and the stars and all the magic and hapiness that goes with them sometimes things just have to get so bad that something happens and you realise that.

Chin up honey - you can do it I know you can - you don't have a choice really with DD to look after do you!!

Kick him to the curb and get your life on track - ring the CSA and get some proper money from him - he is after all responsible and start livuing your life - if he truly cares for you the new improves independant Nickola may be able to make him fall in love with her but the new improved independant Nickola may also find herself inundated with offers fromlovely young men because she has finally found her inner confidence and is blooming.

Big Big Hugs to you and Shireen. XXX
~
(And lucky for him he is not in the country or I would take a detour home and ring his sad scrawny cowardly little neck!! )

motherinferior · 27/08/2004 13:42

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