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Original poster

Is it weird?

63 replies

Lauraw1989 · 07/05/2017 12:01

Just come back from the MIL and I found a mother and baby magazine on the coffee table Confused I'm 20 weeks pregnant and found this a bit odd! I mentioned this to y Fp and he said she is just looking at cots for her house ... I said she has heard of the internet right? He said don't start she is just being helpful.

Is this weird and a sign of a controlling Granny to be?

OP posts:
ShizerMinelli · 07/05/2017 14:00

Jesus. It's a magazine. And she's looking at Cots to better enable her to help out with your DC. Can assure you you'll be grateful for it when you've had no sleep for days and days on end and she kindly offers to help out. Most people would give their right arm for that kind of family close by.

I've had my fair shares of spats with the in laws, but I'd suggest choosing your battles. My MIL researching and buying things for your DC wouldn't be on the top my list of things to get stressed about, especially when if I was pregnant.

Congratulations!

ilovepixie · 07/05/2017 14:01

OP did you have a thread the other week about your mil? I think there are deeper issues here and whatever your mil did it would be wrong.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 07/05/2017 14:03

Yep, issues. This isn't about the magazine. There's a control problem here, and I don't think it's your MIL's.

ifcatscouldtalk · 07/05/2017 14:15

Sounds like you have issues with your MIL long before the pregnancy. It's not always an easy relationship but I would say don't expect to have it all ways. In the early months I found my mil overbearing at times. She also helped out an awful lot and I bit my tongue unless it was something I felt v strongly about. Even then I was polite as her heart was in the right place and she wasn't out to get at me. Now I'm not sleep deprived and hormonal and she is more chilled we get on really well. Is there a big history here? As a magazine alone wouldn't have bothered me. Personally I wouldn't want to sit with anyone's family till 1am on a regular basis. Maybe you could knock that one on the head whilst your pregnant. Too tired will do. If you actually hand on heart don't like her at all then alternative child care will be a lot less stressful for you.

user1477249785 · 07/05/2017 14:20

So basically this is one of those thread where you ask whether something is weird, a whole lot of people say 'no' and you ignore them all, justify yourself and only listen to the views that reinforce you (rather irrational sounding) fears...

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 07/05/2017 14:42

Sorry I'm a first time mum that's why I came on here to ask if it's normal or not? Now I know it's not weird ...

I just fear I will be spending 30% of my time me, DP and the baby 50% time with DP's parents and the other 20% with my family.

It would break my heart for my parents to see us spending all our weekends at DP's parents and they only get 2 hours with the baby once a week.

I don't think I'm being controlling ....

OP posts:
user1477249785 · 07/05/2017 14:45

Look that is a legitimate concern and one can you discuss with your DH now: 'how can we ensure that both sets of grandparents get quality time with the children and that we still get time on our own as a family. This is important to me'.

When you focus it on your MIL by magazines with the wrong titles, you just sound nuts and take the focus off what is really the heart of the issue.

user1477249785 · 07/05/2017 14:46

buying not by

ifcatscouldtalk · 07/05/2017 14:53

I think you are over thinking this. You don't have to spend all your time with your in laws once baby arrives. Surely you have a say in how you spend your time? Have a chat with your partner about your worries but try to put it out of mind for now and enjoy your pregnancy.

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 07/05/2017 15:00

I think seeing the magazine and DP saying she is looking at cots already has sent my mind into overdrive thinking we will be expected to stay over with our DC because she has spent money on a cot and doing a room up for us. If I say no she will sulk and DP will take her side.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 07/05/2017 15:00

In the nicest possible way, you are focusing on the wrong stuff here. And sound a bit bonkers in the process.

The magazine is neither here nor there - better for MiL to be a bit more up to date than just doing things "how they were in my day".

But you do sound like you are spoiling for a fight with MiL, who you don't appear to like very much. You need to find a way to resolve this before your baby arrives

fuzzywuzzy · 07/05/2017 16:07

When you have baby you can leave before they start drinking to take baby home in time for nap time.

I wouldn't over think it too much at this point, you've said your mil will be caring for baby three days a week whilst you're at work. The cot can be for that.

You'll only upset yourself and sour your relationship with your mil if you continue like this.

Forget it and let her enjoy the anticipation of becoming a grandma.

For what it's worth my mil has a Moses basket at hers for our baby. I think it's really sweet and thoughtful and lovely that she's so excited and loves the baby so very much already.

Can't have too many people to love and dote on your baby.

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 07/05/2017 16:37

I don't think I'm controlling. Is it wrong not to want to spend more time with the inlaws than my actual parents? Hmm

OP posts:
FlossyMooToo · 07/05/2017 16:46

You sound like hard work.

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 07/05/2017 16:59

Why?

OP posts:
Wondermoomin · 07/05/2017 17:36

Assuming you and your partner are both grown-ups, it's really odd to obsess quite so much about your parents (both sets). You don't live in their pockets. You're really overthinking it with all these %ages of time you're spending with each.

Willow2017 · 07/05/2017 17:48

Magazines are a good way to catch up on latest guidelines, nutrition, best buys etc. Why wouldn't she want to get the best deal for a recomended cot? Plus if she enters the competitions she could win loads for your baby 😀😀
The baby will need plenty naps it makes sense to have a cot.

The other issues you can deal with as and when they arrive. You don't have to let her have overnight you don't have to do anything. You make sure your time is divided up your family time comes first then both in-laws. Don't go looking for problems. Once baby is here set the ground rules. Your baby your rules. Pick your battles as she is prepared to save you a fortune in childcare so deserves some consideration.

If you have agreed she can look after your baby 3 days a week them you need to cut her some slack for being prepared. If you don't like her then pay for childcare elsewhere.

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 07/05/2017 17:49

It's one of my faults I worry about the future way too much!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 07/05/2017 18:16

Of course I want my MIL to be involved but at the same time I'm not going to be a pushover and let her see my DC whenever and however long she wants.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 07/05/2017 18:54

You need to take a step back. You're worrying about things that haven't happened. Has your MIL said she expects you to spend half your life there? No.

She's looking after your baby 2/3 days a week, the chances are she's thinking it'll be far nicer for him/her to have a proper sleep in rather than a pram or travel cot.

Why not give her the benefit of the doubt and say she's being a caring granny rather than a controlling one until you get proof to the contrary

As far as staying over at hers you just say no it doesn't suit - that is assuming she invites you

Stop worrying until you know there's something to worry about and try not to he so hard on your MIL

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 07/05/2017 20:08

My mum is the total opposite she's excited but she tends to care more about my well being at the moment then preparing for the arrival of their first grand child. DP thinks this is weird!

I think we both come from different families. Me & DP are the total opposite but it works. I'm the sensible one trying to keep DP in line. DP is so chilled and relaxed he is always there to calm me down and tell me how silly i am being when I'm like this.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/05/2017 20:10

Wow....you dound like the daughter in law from hell.

Original poster
Lauraw1989 · 07/05/2017 20:14

Errrrr why?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/05/2017 20:15

Why why why ?

Take a look at yourself. Self absorption is a very unattractive trait.

DearMrDilkington · 07/05/2017 20:19

Be thankful that your mil is interested and excited. It kills my dp that his mother will never be like that.

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