If mumsnetters were all Enid Blyton characters....

[welliemum]

.... what would we post about?

Chat: My children have just been kidnapped again by international jewellery thieves. I do hope they are rescued in time for tea.

Behaviour/development: My daughter is athletic, assertive and extremely capable at everything she sets her hand to. I am so worried about her. How can I get her to wear a dress and simper like her darling cousin Anne?

Style: I have a super hat. It's blue with a bell on top. I'm thinking of teaming this with a red jumper and a yellow scarf, any thoughts?

Cod, DS and I are reading The Enchanted Wood atm ... the new edition. Was very disappointed to see that Fanny is now Franny and people feel peculiar and strange, not queer.
Also I notice that 'Father' comes back from the shops most of the time, not from work ...
LOL

Who's Enid Blyton? Is this the same as Malory Towers?

how do I get my children to come down from the magic faraway tree?

they spend so much time up there they think moonface is their father.

You know what they say - Big Ears, Big.....

relationships

I feel as though I don't exist..I haven't seen my children for years and my husband spends all his time doing i don't know what in a foreign country..we communicate entirely by telegram

is this normal?

Products: Where can I get a wishing chair with built-in sat nav?

My children have come home with gold ingots in their rucksacks AGAIN. Also despite four or five enormous meals a day they neither grow nor age. All Julian's friends have turned 21 this year and yet he remains bloody 13 and a 1/2, has teenage strops with the cook and has just fed dog 30 homemade macaroons.

Cannot even begin on my concerns for Georgina.

I've just seen a stranger in the lane outside our house. He is unshaven and very swarthy so obviously he is a criminal, or at the very least a foreigner.

Should I just call the police straightaway?

Wow, awesome crosspost MMJanitor!

Am I being unreasonable;
Dh spends all his time in his study with his stupid inventions that have never benefited anyone since before time began, he is grumpy, he can't even remember to come out for breakfast, even when cook has prepared his favourite sausages. To make matters worse I'm expected to entertain his lunatic scientist friends for him. Now he's decided, just because he forgot to chop down the tree outside our house and it fell through the window nearly killing our children that we all have to go to one of these so called friends houses. You know how it will be, all science and no sex.

Am I unreasonable?

My nephews and neice are coming to stay with my dd for the summer. Again! DH is down in his lab, as usual, inventing things, and says he really can't help out. AIBU to send them off hiking alone through the moorland rather than feeding the overprivileged little blighters all summer?

And exactly how much ginger beer is "lashings and lashings"?

I haven't read one for 30-odd years so no doubt they're heavily updated, but certainly when I was reading them in the late 70s, they were racist, sexist, xenophobic and horribly snobbish.

Great stories though, and I think it's good for children to read that sort of thing and figure out that they shouldn't automatically accept an author's world view.