Do you think you'll help your children financially when they are grown up?

[emkana]

Or will you spend the money on yourself?

My parents helped us with the purchase of our house and also with other bits and bobs, for which I am very grateful.

If we are doing well in later years I fully intend to do the same for our children - but from a discussion I heard recently on Jeremy Vine it seems not everybody agrees with me there.

What do you all think - should your children cope by themselves, or will you help them if you have the means?

I honestly believe that the majority of people were on their own once they left home. I think this whole subject is very skewed on mn.

I think we will help our kids financially with uni fees/house deposit etc if we are in a position too

My parents have provided financial help to us
DH's parents have not and despite having more cash than us expect us to pick up the tab for various things. Bit annoying but just how they expect things to be.

For me it works both ways though and if required I will pay for nursing care etc for my parents.

Yes I would help my DDs, as long as they weren't wasteful with money. It's getting harder and harder to get on the property ladder (in the south east at least), so I can't imagine what it'll be like in 20 odd years when they come to buy their own place.

We've had a lot of help from the in-laws - they inherited a great deal of money from an old aunt and paid of our mortgage with some of it. They get a lot of pleasure from helping us (so do I ) and would rather be around to see it rather than wait until they die for us to benefit.

I can't imagine we'll have anything to give them tbh. Because I'm 40 and we don't have a mortgage (because we don't own a house, not because we've paid it off), I don't have a pension, we have no savings and we have stuff to pay off. Would I help them if I could? Yes, I suppose so. My mum and stepdad gave each of us £10k as a deposit on a house 10 years ago (I sold it to finance being a sahm after my divorce from dh1) and we couldn't have bought back then without it.

2 friends in the past few days have made me envious about this, one has a £30k mortgage on a £350k house, the other a £50k mortgage on a £200k house, which she's about to pay off. Mind you, one's divorced and the other one's childless so I don't really envy them I suppose, I'd still rather have my circumstances than theirs.

My Dad gave me £300 for the last 6 months of university so I could give up my part time job to concentrate on my finals. My Mum loaned us £1000 for a house deposit then asked for it back after about 3 months. Until I became a SAHM I have always earned something ever since I got a paper round at 13. PIL's contribution is a £10 cheque to the children at birthday & Christmas.

My current worry is looking after our respective parents who have all had health scares in the last two years. And how to pay for our retirement has been quite high up on my agenda recently. So I hadn't really thought about what we might do for a children until DH told me that his sister is moving so they can release £100k equity with which they are buying a house for their 3 children & my SIL was saying that her mother was providing a deposit for my niece to buy a flat.

My feelings are that if possible I will try to help them with a deposit because of the huge change in the housing market since we bought 8 years ago. We will help with University fees as much as possible but I will expect them to work their way most of the way through, if they go. But I won't be necessarily be encouraging them to go as I think things are very different to when I went and some of the courses people are doing just seem to me to be a revenue for Universities and not much help to those doing them.

I really value the financial indepence that DH & I have and am hoping that the decisions that we have made over the past few years will mean that we will be financially secure when we retire. I get a huge sense of satisfaction of knowing we have stood on our own two feet financially but am not underestimating the role of the moral support my Mum has given me every step along the way. I think I'd like to give my children the same amount of moral support she has given me, coupled by enough money to account for the change in things like the housing market etc. I want to give them the ability to think creatively about what they do and how to use the money they earn but recognise that these days that isn't necessarily enough, so would like to be able to make up the money side if I felt it really was needed. I doubt that makes any sense to anyone else but me though !

To be honest, I think the biggest contribution we can make to our children's financial future is to help teach them how to manage their finances.

Since they were quite young, we've talked openly about things like mortgages, pensions, how to avoid debt as much as possible, the need to budget carefully and save for things etc. They know the differences between debit and credit cards and the fact that you can shop around for mortgages, utility services etc.

Since each one was about 6 or 7 they've had their pocket money monthly and had to either make it last or do without for the rest of the month.

They know that while we will support them throughout their education and provide for them during these years, we expect them to be independent once they have left home. We wouldn't of course turn them away if they were in dire need, but we wouldn't be giving them constant hand-outs once they were supposed to be independent.

They also know that we intend to retire early and enjoy our retirement, even if that means less to inherit for them!

I'm in the 'worrying how to provide for my parents' category. Not my actual parents, who are well-off, but my MIL who is penniless, essentially. Dh owns half of the house that she lives in and her husband (dh's step-dad) the other. Dh's step-dad was planning to leave his half directly to his kids on the assumption dh would give her his half to live on in her retirement. The concept that dh might like the money back never even occurred to them, despite the fact he is unlikely ever to be well enough to work again

I can see me slogging my guts out to send my kids to university when we've been guilted into handing a very large amount of cash over to MIL for the forseeable.

I'm of the Bill Gates school of thought - money corrupts, so no. I have been happy to pay for their education and to ensure they graduate without debt. With 3 at univesrity in fact I am constantly emphasising the need for them to support themselves imminently.

bailing them out or "topping up" their salary, of course not - that would be foolish but paying a deposit on their first flat? surely you would do that if you could?

don't know if I would, amidaiwish. Don't see why they couldn't save up a deposit.

Scanned the thread, hope you don't mind me jumping in. We are saving for our little ones future and I would hope that I could help him financially if he needed me to, whether he makes a mistake, or wants to go for something. I don't want to constantly bail him out or be a source of money for him though, I want him to learn that you have to work hard to get anything but I need him to know that his family should always be the first place he turns to.
I don't ask for financial help from my parents, but they do little things like buying the odd bail of nappies or baby food or putting a bit of petrol in the car if we visit them etc - I'd like to be able to do little things like that without ever holding it against him.
I don't think money or material things should be important, but I don't think money should be abused either, because it can definately bring out the nasty side in people.

I'd like to be able to help DD out financially should she need it.

It depends. I had my children mostly in my early 20s and I woudl quite like a good long period when I'm not paying them anything and I actually have some spare money for myself whilst I'm still fairlyyoung so the prospect when these 30 + years of paying school fees and childcare is nearly up to start paying for 5 house deposits etc is not particularly appealing. Obviously mine have been bugely helped by some of the best schools in the country and support at university. After that it's down to them to get a job and make their own lives. I'm not saying I'd never help out on the odd thing but I don't think people should support adult children as a general matter.

LOL at Xenia's "money corrupts"

Only if you choose to spend every waking hour in relentless pursuit of it, my dear

I would defo help out with a deposit

Without a shadow of a doubt we will help our children to the best of our ability. And if we do our job of raising them properly they will take pride in managing for themselves yet be able to accept help with grace.

We are, thank goodness, financially OK, and I woukld rather my parents spend money making sure they have everything they want, than that they go short in order to provide us with an inheritance. That said, I know they would help us withjout limit should we need help.

Since the age of 15 I have financially supported myself and in the last 17 yrs my parents have given me a total of £350 - this was for my wedding dress. Am I proud at being so independant and standing on my own two feet? Nooooooooooooooo, I'd love them have bought a pram, a cot, turn up with a packet of nappies - anything would help.

I really am going to help my children when they are older because I know what a difference £25 here or there makes. My husband and I both work and have good jobs but all of our money goes on either the children or household bills.

When we are older with no mortgage, or childcare I can't think of anything better than treating my children - I'll just make sure they appreciate it by reminding them constantly of how lucky they are and how mummy and daddy had to struggle in the old days blah blah.....

Does anyone here expect their parents not to spend their money in order to leave them an inheritance?

I don't.

I know I'll get enough for a small house from a trust, but they're quite happily blowing the lot and I say more power to 'em!

I will help. We put back money for her wedding, school and university fees, a gap year, and a down payment on a house. Everyone needs a hand in life. My parents didn't put away a penny for me. I even had to pay for my Mom's airfare to my wedding and I had to go to University on Scholarships. They did educate me privately. I managed all of this fine but for instance University was hard and I was living off the US equivlant of Pot Noodle. I want my daughter to be independant but I don't want her to have it as hard as I did.

I don't expect mine to save their money for me, no. This is practically what my mum's parents are doing - my dad keeps telling them to blow it!! I'm saying 'noooooo!' - only joking!

I don't think there is any fear of my parents scrimping and saving in their retirement for my benefit - and I wouldn't want them to. They've worked their arses off and they should bloody well enjoy it (and they do!).

I'm worried my Mom won't have anything to live off when she retires much less leave me money after her death. Even after she did she will probably leave it all to my sister.

My ILs will leave their house to BIL.

Who will let it go to rack and ruin.

It's not my house so it's none of my affair.

I definitely don't expect my parents to be scrimping in order to have an inheritance to pass along - more power to 'em I say. (Still wish MIL would have her own money to live on, having said that!) In fact my grandparents have (apparently) skipped over their children in their will in favour of their grandchildren, correctly surmising their children really have no need of any dosh from them. I wonder if this will become more of a norm in future? Probably not with house prices as they currently are.

A customer told me recently he was going ski-ing. I looked at him puzzled as he was easily 85+.

"You may look puzzled my dear, yes I said SKI-ing

S - spending the
K - kids
I - Inheritance

ing." He replied

He was actually off on a cruise for a fortnight