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Original poster

Do you think you'll help your children financially when they are grown up?

129 replies

emkana · 16/02/2007 21:13

Or will you spend the money on yourself?

My parents helped us with the purchase of our house and also with other bits and bobs, for which I am very grateful.

If we are doing well in later years I fully intend to do the same for our children - but from a discussion I heard recently on Jeremy Vine it seems not everybody agrees with me there.

What do you all think - should your children cope by themselves, or will you help them if you have the means?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 17/02/2007 20:37

No, because I won't be able to.

I'm going to die in poverty.

At least, they've got the ability to emigrate to North America.

expatinscotland · 17/02/2007 20:38

This reply has been deleted

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mousiemousie · 17/02/2007 20:46

Will definitely help dd financially unless she is in a situation where she obviously doesn't need help from me...in which case I will help in any other way I can...practical help/emotional help etc

morningpaper · 17/02/2007 20:55

This is tricky

I would like to help them get through uni without too many debts, but TBH if they were just pissing it away in the student bar I would be really annoyed

So I would give, but with heavy provisos

And I shall not be paying for any weddings, but I'm happy to help out in the case of divorce

morningpaper · 17/02/2007 20:57

In all honesty though I think by the time my children are 20ish, we will be supporting our parents big-time and our children will have to fend for themselves

expatinscotland · 17/02/2007 20:59

I went to uni myself. I think, for about 1/2+ of the students, it's a waste of time. They'd have been better off doing something else.

I think this 'target' of half of school leavers in university education is STUPID.

I'm going to make sure my daughters are well aware of trades and trade education available in addition to university.

expatinscotland · 17/02/2007 21:00

We eloped. Hopefully our daughters will follow this example.

morningpaper · 17/02/2007 21:00

that's true expat

I am always giving my dd's helpful career options

"Mummy whe I grow up I want to be a princess"
"Nahh... what about.. a locksmith?"

etc

tigermoth · 17/02/2007 21:04

morningpaper, I like that refreshingly pragmatic point you made "I shall not be paying for any weddings, but I'm happy to help out in the case of divorce"

It encapsulates two sorts of financial help - celebration help and crisis help. I am more happy to give the latter.

expatinscotland · 17/02/2007 21:04

Seriously.

In the US, it's a joke. Universities are like mills, turning out degrees.

If I had 10p for everyone I know personally who has a uni education, went back and got a trade (no age limit on apprenticeships there), and is now doing financially far better, I'd be rich!

Honestly, there needs to be some serious revamp of vocational education.

It's a viable and many times more financially feasible option.

One of my friends became a spark after working in a call centre for four years after uni. He's now his own boss and doing fab and LOVING his work.

Ladymuck · 17/02/2007 21:05

I agree mp - I'm currently far more worried about needing to financially support my parents than my adult children.

expatinscotland · 17/02/2007 21:07

My folks have a retirement income far higher than anything I'll ever earn.

But my dad admits he is the last of a dying breed.

morningpaper · 17/02/2007 21:09

But expat the cost of good care is about 40k a year

If your parents need 10 years of care ...

expatinscotland · 17/02/2007 21:11

Yes, believe me, they've sorted that, too.

Believe me, they aren't hurting for money by any means.

expatinscotland · 17/02/2007 21:11

Also, the cost of living is cheaper where they are - the US and Mexico.

southeastastra · 17/02/2007 21:12

only read the op but: having money to help out? haha

morningpaper · 17/02/2007 21:18

Well sorry to be crude expat but if they have loads of cash then surely at some poit you WILL be in a position to help out your children because you are likely to inherit a lot?

expatinscotland · 17/02/2007 21:19

No, no I won't. At the most we might be able to buy a small home with what we inherit.

That's about it.

They've pre-purchased their nursing care. You can do that in the states.

Bozza · 17/02/2007 21:23

mp I gather that expat's parents are very wealthy. I assume that my parents are OKish, they certainly manage OK just now but they are at that age - you know, still working but no mortgage etc, plus have inherited from my maternal grandparents what was left after the cost of the care home. DH's parents seem to be quite well off, although still have a small mortgage, but FIL is always wheeling and dealing in share schemes and getting bonuses etc.

I don't know what I will do for my children yet. I struggle to envisage what sort of position we will be in.

My parents have helped on certain specific things and nothing else. They paid for me to learn to drive - but it had to be done their way - ie I went out with my Dad until I was fairly competent and then they paid for lessons to polish me off for my test and also for my test and provisional license. They paid the entire cost of our wedding virtually although they then had say over venue etc. They bought me food and stuff to take back when I was at university. That is about it, although I am not knocking it.

I was also one of the last recipients of a student grant (although they were being phases out at the time), and so managed not to get into much debt( just a student overdraft) with that and an inheritance of £10K from my Great Aunt. That 10K also paid for my interrailing trips, and a month travelling round America post au-pairing there. And then there was enough left to put down a 5% deposit on our first house. So that really did make a difference to my life.

DH's parents have been generous in small things like buying packs of baby wipes every time they saw us when DS was a baby (but not when DD was a baby when we were more skint - maternity pay from part time job instead of full, two lots of childcare etc) and also treated us to quite a lot of the cost of a holiday to Tenerife with them - accommodation costs and DS's flight. So we just paid our flights and food/spending money. But nothing apart from that really. DH inherited 1K from his grandmother which went into the deposit for this house, and then 1K from his grandfather that bought a new bathroom.

I think I would definitely like to help out the children with education/vocational training and driving lessons - especially DD because unless society changes I think the ability to drive gives independence.

expatinscotland · 17/02/2007 21:24

University education used to be FREE here?!

southeastastra · 17/02/2007 21:29

our parents never saved for a university education like they did in the states expat, although i am talking from an age way back

Bozza · 17/02/2007 21:30

Yes expat when I was 18 in 1991 you got a meanstested grant dependent on your parents income of about £700/term for your living expenses. That was pretty tight even then, mind you. I think I rented at £120/month for a room in a really grotty miner's cottage in Durham - so for 4 months, that was £480 out of my £700, not leaving a lot for food/clothes/books/travel. But a totally different concept to today. I didn't get the full £700 but my parents topped it up.

Just remembered that my parents also had a life assurance policy for me that netted me a couple of grand and I can't remember what I spent it on.

WestCountryLass · 17/02/2007 21:44

I would imagine we will. I'm not sure how they will be expected to buy a house by the n and if the cost of living remains the same and salaries don't increase accordingly then I am sure we will.

hercules1 · 17/02/2007 21:47

Yes, we will use our own inheritance to buy a small place/emigrate and they can have our house divided between them. DH and I both have good pension plans and will have savings/shares.

Blandmum · 17/02/2007 21:48

They will get supported through universirt and will have a lump sum at 25.

After that , they are on their own and I intend to grow old disgracefully.

I had no help, but mum and dad were poor. I ad a full grand and was on my own finacially after the age of 18