Evening. I have made a decision.
I believe all of you know that throughout the trials and tribulations of the past five years, I have always stressed that maintaining a quality of life that I find acceptable has been (and remains) my number one priority. Living without the opportunity of spending time with the people I care about or having the odd bit of fun is not, in my opinion, life. It is merely existence and a miserable one at that.
The trial I have been invited to join is promising and exciting. However it does not come with any reassurance that it will offer me any additional time. It's still a Stage 1 trial.
I am still recovering from my trip to the Royal Marsden last Friday. I received a phone call from them first thing this morning to ask me to come back on Wednesday for a fairly full day of scans and other tests. Entering the trial would involve going to London for 1 - 2 days every week for the next 2 1/2 - 3 months. Thereafter I would need to attend at least every 4 weeks; sometimes every 2 weeks. The common side effects of the 2 drugs include fatigue and various digestive problems. (I have more than enough of those as it is.) Essentially the trial would become my entire life. There would be no time for anything else.
That is not how I want to spend the precious time I do have left. I want to manage my pain as well as possible. I want to spend time with family and friends. I want to continue to love and laugh.
I am therefore going to decline the invitation to take part in the trial.
I discussed all of this at length with ZombieLad last night. He understands and supports me in this decision.
I realise that some of you may be upset that I'm not seizing an opportunity to possibly, just possibly, extend my life for a few more weeks or months. I regret that but hope you can understand why I have come to this decision.