Oooh can we have a thread about things you said and thought about your Precious First Born which make you blush looking back on it

[Anchovy]

Following on from the other thread which was veering that way.

My mum said she had seen a baby on the telly who was the same age as DS (three months) who seemed more alert than DS. I cried into a muslin.

Brangelina, we come from the same school of housekeeping and childrearing. I too think that an antibacterial wipe will cause instant death whereas the cat (who has probably just been out in the garden paddling around in his own poo) is a healthy influence.

Ooh you've got me started now, although this was not me. DH refused to take dd thorough the back door at my mums on a Sunday because we would have to walk through the kitchen while lunch was cooking and that was dangerous. That lasted about 6 weeks. Lol.

I pinned out duvet to the bed with kilt pins so that it couldn't ride up and suffocate DS in the night. I liked co-sleeping but didn't have the laid back nature it required. Ended up with ripped sheets instead where the pins got ripped out by mistake.

Ahhhh yes now you remind me! I would only got to petrol stations where you could pay at the pump so I didn't have to leave DS1 in the car on his own.
I also remember being so upset that grandma took DS1's dummy out and dipped it in juice then gave it back to him that I rang my sister in a fit of rage. He was 6 months old. In my defence though he was still exclusively breast fed.

DD was born by CS so I was in hospital a bit longer. When the Dr came round to do his regular checks after a few days I asked him to check if her eyes were OK. He did and looked at them and me rather blankly and said they were fine. What I didn't tell him was that I was worried that she actually had any eyes at all.... cos they were so sort of slitty and well... SHUT so much. If only that had been the case a few weeks later

I've done almost everything on here.

Came back from first post-natal group and told my mother that dd was really, truly, completely the most beautiful baby. The others were too hairy and just looked odd (sorry Wags - of course your dd was beautiful too ) (wags and I went to the same post-natal group so I'm being very careful and providing an edited version)

Went through a phase of not being able to stomach the newborn/baby smell of other babies because it was different to dd's special smell (which was of course far superior). So couldn't hold them without grimacing inside

Spent 2 days recording every feed, sleep, waking and proudly showed it to the health visitor when she visited (dd was 2 weeks). She look aghast, obviously noticed I was on the edge of sanity (by my sobbing I presume) and ordered me never to do it again.

Was absolutely loopy. Mad as a hatter. To my credit though, it didn't last too long and I do think that this is important human trait - would be pretty dire consequences if we didn't develop a fierce bond with our small babies.

OK Pooka, I will give you hairy, but funny smell.... funny smell, MY baby

We used to undress DS1, completely, everytime we changed his nappy (because the books always showed a naked baby having its nappy changed).

I remember sterilising a toy I bought from Boots until it melted in the steriliser.

I'd bath him in the middle of the night if he got a bitof poo on him (and then wonder why he wouldn't go back to sleep)

I'd bleach the kitchen in the middle of the night while I had a few spare minutes (while he was trying to go back to sleep) - and then wonder why I couldn't get back to sleep

I too thought he was the most beautiful baby in the world and struggled to think of compliments for my friends' babies when they complimented him, because I thought their babies were so ugly

I refused to put dd on our new sofa in case she absorbed carcinogenic flame retadants through her skin.

When breast-feeding went tits up and I stopped I consoled myself that at least it would minimise her absorbing all the toxic chemicals stored in my fat......!

Wags - blame it on the hormones/pheromones! Not my fault - am very very sensitive. I mention that of course dd was very sensitive too, well she gets that from me

I can't remember any PFB isms from when mine was bron. I have had a few from mindees parents though.

1 We have only sent 2 bottles, because the books say he needs to be fed every four hours.
2 We have carried him round in a sling/sat and rocked him in his baby seat every day since he was born - (that would be why he screamed the place down for the first couple of months of being left with me) and can you do the same? Also please don't leave him sitting in his seat if you go to the loo, take him with you, anything might happen while he is in the living room, on his own, strapped safely in his chair.
3 There are 6 nappies in the bag, please can you change him every two hours. That's what is recommended, that their little bottoms are kept dry.
4 You have got a stairgate haven't you? ( this was for a 3 month old baby)
5 You will watch him when he is sleeping to make sure he is still breathing won't you?
6 Can i just check your room thermostat, it has to be a certain temperture in the house.

I am thinking if there are any more

When DS was around a week old, DH and I had stripped him off for a change, when DH goes "OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT????" referring to something hard sticking out between DS's ribcage. I'm not joking, my head began to swim and i was going to pass out on the spot with the shock. We were convinced something had broken off was jutting out...

Cue mad dash over to my cousin who's a gp, and laid him on her kitchen table. I think i was prob going a bit blue at this point. When - to my eternal mortification - she goes, "Yeah, OK, OK. Well, that's, er, just his sternum".

Also, did the whole 'poor you with your dodgy baby. We got the best one. Easily.'
Was really surprised looking back at the baby pics a while ago, not only is he puce but he looks like someone had sat on him bless him.

Couldn't bear it when she grew out of 'the first thing she ever wore' ... so bought it in next 3 sizes.

Come to think of it ... I'm still doing that now!

Bought practically every book about what to do when re development. Not looked at them since she was 6 weeks. Learn more watching my Mum with her ...

Believed HV know best ... grrrrr ... that's a whole different thread tho ...

saltire, pmsl, you have reminded me of when i left ds1 with the childminder for the first time i gave her such detailed instructions on how to look after him it covered 5 sides of a4, how she kept a straight face i'll never know

ambercat, 5 pages for a baby is not bad, we had two pages of a4 to look after a cat once.

Whambam crying with laughter at your DS's sternum

Have done this with all three of mine

Kept them in moses basket beside me all day and in they evening just in case they stoped breathing for the first six weeks. Would also poke them every so often to make them wriggle just in case

Then would put them in our bedroom at about six weeks but would go and check them every 5 minutes, I kid you not, good exercise going up and down the stairs, after about two weeks, every 10 mins, then 15 mins, etc etc.

I still check DS3 (14 months) every 45 mins, DD2 (3 years) every 1hr 1/2. Only check on DS1 (10 years) once or twice through the evening.

Also have two baby monitors to make sure.

Is this about normal?

OMG, this is thread is so funny.

DS was really jaundiced until he was about 5 weeks old. I recall gazing on him adoringly through that whole time thinking that he looks so tanned and healthy and genuinely believing his had the most beautiful complexion. I look back on photos now ? he looked the same colour as Bart Simpson! Why couldn?t I see it?????

Not just the women though. DS must have been about 1 when he had a small bruise on his face for about a week. DH was panicking. To put his mind at ease, I suggested, if it made him feel better, to take DS to the GP. Which he did. He said it was one of the most mortifying experiences of his life when the GP gave him a ?are you insane, your child has a bruise!? expression, no matter how much DH reiterated his concern about some terminal illness. Bless my DH!!!

LOL at these, I am not as mad as I thought then. Changed ds every time he had a feed throughout the night, no matter what. Boiled water to wash his bum EVERY time so it would be sterile water that I was using. What makes this even worse is that then my dh would put tap water in it to cool it down (so then ....... what exactly was the point of boiling the first lot of water?) Oh and yes dh would get up every time he needed changing to help me. Actually, yes I think we both went temporarily mad.

Did the whole "fed, left side, 8 mins, 2 min rest, then 14 mins right hand side, played 12 mins, held 4 mins" furtive scribbling thing. AND ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE THE TIME TO SIT DOWN AND DISCERN PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOUR

Ds was a big baby so I had the double whammy of knowing that all the other babies were ugly AND scrawny.

DH is much worse than me, the man still breaks out of the bed like a gun's gone off every time there is a sound from yer man's room. But the best - or worst - was when DS was a few weeks old and he asked me in all seriousness "Do you think he blinks enough?"

of course my pfb was the only beautiful baby in the post natal group, found it really, really hard to be complimentary about the others. Very proud taking him to the library and grining inanely at the stoney faced librarian, a mother of an old friend of mine, was not in the slightest impressed! Anyway got some nursery rhyme books, he was about 6 weeks old..

to the GPs when he wouldnt stop crying, aged about 2 weeks, noticed these marks on him, that was where i had been holding him!

To the GP so many times, what a brill GP he was too, absoluely never laughed at me!

Message withdrawn

Remembered something else... ds was born practically bald and the hair he did grow was very fine and flaxen so he looked bald anyway. I honestly thought all babies with hair looked wrong and the really hairy dark ones were ugly. Particularly an NCT friend whose ds was a day older than mine who had long locks of jet black hair - she used to talk about how lovely his hair was and I'd agree politely while all the time thinking 'poor you, your son's a freak'.

Although looking back at the pics, her boy's long hair was quite startling. Never seen another newborn with hair like it!