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Zombie and Chemo - The Ongoing Saga

976 replies

IamtheZombie · 07/08/2016 21:51

Summer is slipping away but the chemo goes on. Previous thread is here

Please join in. We're a friendly bunch of bananas.

OP posts:
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HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/11/2016 01:12

I personally hated the people who said that my dad Fought A Valiant Fight But Lost His Brave Battle With Cancer. No, he didn't fight. He endured. He survived, until he died. There was nothing brave or valiant about it. Cancer doesn't care about your mental fortitude or spiritual awareness.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/11/2016 01:27

Roses is there more than one Marsden?

BBB I think that happens a lot, people want to DO something without thinking about the impact on the sick person.

Zombie scream all you want. It sounds infuriating even though I was one of the original gushers, sorry about that

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 13/11/2016 02:31

Cancer doesn't care about your mental fortitude or spiritual awareness

Amen to that Flowers

OhTheRoses · 13/11/2016 03:17

Yes there's one in Sutton Hearts.

Sorry to hear Zombie.

Fiderer · 13/11/2016 09:32

Some people do react oddly imo. I should have learned from my dad's death how my mum reacts. Have now trained self to give v little/no info. FidBoy2 has to have a gastroscopy on Tues and then back to the endocrinologist.

Comments from my mum come from fear and worry I know but drive me batty and there's an undertone of criticism and "in my day"-ism so I give limited and positive updates well after the facts.

Maybe I should post her some Smarties Grin

IamtheZombie · 13/11/2016 09:59

Sweetheart, some people will just have not been able to accept what you've been telling us all this time, and some will have accepted but not acknowledged.

BBB you've nailed it in that one sentence. I do try to understand but it's incredibly frustrating when I have done everything I could to make people aware that every apparent step forward or improvement is temporary.

There's one extended family member (my late godson's mother) that I just can't bring myself to ring. I love her dearly but she will fall apart (sob, etc.), want to come rushing over to visit and she is just incredibly draining.

Part of what set me off last night was an e-mail from my uncle. He wants to fly over for a weekend visit ASAP. I desperately want to see him and spend time with him but the fact is that until after Wednesday (at the earliest) I will have no idea what my schedule for the next few weeks is likely to entail. I had already started to put together a tentative plan for a trip to Virginia in the new year. I want to spend some more time with ZombieLad & his fiancee, a day or two with his adoptive family, a few days staying at uncle's house and a few days in a hotel in my hometown so I am within walking distance of my old boss's wine bar / restaurant so a get-together of as many of my Virginia friends as possible can be arranged. Anyway, I've told uncle he is welcome to come over but explained the immediate problems with timing and put my visit to VA on the table as well.

Hearts, (and anyone else reading this) my feelings about fighting cancer and losing the battle are well known. I'll state them again: One doesn't fight cancer. One learns to live with it. When the end comes, it comes. If anyone DARES to utter those words about me I will come back and haunt them. (I rather fancy creating a bit of poltergeist activity and throwing hard objects at them.)

Also, Hearts, there's a world of difference between what you apparently consider "gushing" and what I consider "gushing". Words of support are always welcome.

Thank you Phalanx.

OP posts:
Fiderer · 13/11/2016 10:07

Ooh I could draw up a list of people you can throw hard things at Grin You making mischief, what a thought Wink

Much love, as always.
Fid

Mummylin · 13/11/2016 10:10

Zombie , the trip you are planning sounds brilliant. I guess you would be staying at minimum two weeks if not three when you are planning to have different get togethers. Do you need someone to carry your suitcases Grin ?

Mummylin · 13/11/2016 10:11

I don't want a poltergeist in my house ( gets motor bike helmet ready in case ) !

HerRoyalFattyness · 13/11/2016 10:18

I have enough people throwing things round my house without polterzombie joining in.

Can I come on your trip with you? It sounds lovely. I could do with a holiday Grin

Susiesoap7 · 13/11/2016 10:37

Don't know what to say zombie except would you like to share a boiled egg with me? You are quite welcome to haunt me my life is quite lonely and it would be nice to have someone to natter with! Xx 😘 🌺🌺🌺

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 13/11/2016 10:48

Zombie
I have to admit that I've been tempted to just turn up at your doorstep a few times, but then I thought I'd better not coz if I was really ill the last thing I'd want is to satisfy someone else's needs!

I can see how people reacted with panic.
It's like you know there's a dog behind the last fence as you walking down your street, you know it's gonna do his scary bark and you try to steel yourself, but when you get there and it barks you still jump. (Real life experience every fucking morning going to school. Hated that dog).
We/you know it's coming but it doesn't mean anyone is prepared!

Of course you don't need others crying on your shoulder, but I really think it's just panic & fear of loosing you.
Coz they do love you.

I really hope people will stop bugging you or whatever though.
I'm glad you are planning a trip & that ZombieLad is coming.
Massive fx for Wednesday.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 13/11/2016 11:04

In the meantime can someone pass me some Smarties pls?
My neck hurts so much I can't even crochet, which is like amber alert on the disaster scale

Susiesoap7 · 13/11/2016 11:17

Extra large tubes of smarties winging over zing!! Hope your neck heals soon 🌺🌺🌺

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/11/2016 17:04

Oooh a poltergeist! Those are scary.

Zing DD2 (who is 10) is furiously crocheting a baby blanket for her beloved new teacher Mr T whose DW has just had a baby. It's very sweet.

Trills · 13/11/2016 17:16

Uuuuurgh that must be so frustrating to have people not believe you.

Mindless optimism in the face of evidence is not cheering, rather the opposite.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 13/11/2016 17:19

It's just not right or fair that people are adding to your problems by being selfish and thoughtless.
Could you write to your godson's mother instead of phoning?
You could ask that she gives herself time to process the information before she contacts you.
You could even say that you're finding it very draining dealing with everyone's reactions.

I'm afraid I would be a lot less kind than you!

The trip to VA sounds fantastic, I hope you go for as long as possible.

Can we all contribute to the list of Hurled Hard Object Recipients? Grin

magimedi · 13/11/2016 17:41

Good idea re writing & I think you just have to be utterly self centered & do exactly what you want to do & sod anyone else.

iklboo · 13/11/2016 18:31

Hope you're ok today Zombie and you've had no more cloth-rending 'waily, waily, waily' comments from people (I have firmly kicked myself up the arse. Normal phalanxy service resumes).

My sick note runs out tomorrow. I phoned work on Friday. Before I could say anything the boss was 'what can we do to support a return to work? Would a phased return starting one day a week in office, the rest at home help you get back?'

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I ASKED FOR FOUR WEEKS AGO AND YOU SAID NO!!

I know from my friend that the work queue has rocketed past 100 and now they're offering me phased return and extended work from home? Chinny. Reckon.

I may sign off the rest of this week and start back from next Monday - with a 'reasonable adjustment' fit note. Grin

On a positive note I have been nominated for a work award. It's an annual bash to recognise work, teamwork, customer service etc. Unlikely I'll win (about 100 people nominated) but it's nice to be nominated and it's a free night out with wine & canapés.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/11/2016 19:09

Huge congrats on your nomination ikl Flowers

Susiesoap7 · 13/11/2016 19:58

Well done ikl! Enjoy your wine n canapés 🙎

OhTheRoses · 13/11/2016 20:59

I have had visions all day of a whirling dervish poltergeist in red satin whizzing round MNet meet-ups

Always think of you at the Ridgeway roundabout as I pass NatWest.

Give me a shout if you need anything on Tuesday - cd get to Chelsea after 6.30. Have to be in Wimbledon by 9.30. Think you have my number.

iklboo · 13/11/2016 21:18

Thank you ladies. I'll let you know how it goes. If I win I get a Love2Shop voucher, a trophy and a stertifticate! Grin

Here's this week's Strictly round up to be going on with:

Strictly Week Eight - who's on the charabanc to Blackpool and who's on the last bus home?

Allalonenow · 13/11/2016 22:59

Well done on your nomination ikl. Sounds as though it's a large company, so major kudos to you! Great for your CV, and remind your boss of that, if he doesn't toe the line. Grin

Zombie I agree with B3 that writing to your god child's mother would help you put a little distance into an emotionally overloaded situation.

When we are close to people whom we have known for a long time, or those we have a special connection with because of shared past experiences, we often anticipate that their reactions will be the same as our own. But this isn't always the case.

I'd say, never turn away love. Make emotional space for those who need it. Some will cope well with difficult sad news, others will focus on their own needs.

But these are all people who love you Zombie, so don't turn them away, just make sure your own needs are put first.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 14/11/2016 00:19

Very well said Allalone Flowers

Night Phalanx [zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz]

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