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Original poster

Hmmm..Would you attend a childrens party and....

133 replies

StrawberrySnowflakes · 15/12/2006 19:23

leave your child there, not knowing the host and say youll be back when its finished??

im having party tomorrow, am also working (childminder), one mum whom i do know to talk too said she wouldnt be able to stay(ffs! yeah i could do with two free hours to xmas shop too, but im putting a fecking party on for your children!)is that okay?..so i said look, ill be up to my eyes in it as well as the fact im working, so if you cant stay, youll need to speak to someone else who can look after your dd for you...fine, she was ok...now last pasrty we went to a little boy and his dad turned up, this dad knew no one as never takes son to school..asked host what time it finished, then said right ill be back then..his ds then proceeded to scream when anyone popped a ballon and fell over a million times njuring himself.........same boy and same dad are coming to ours tomorrow!!!.hmmmmm

OP posts:
roisin · 15/12/2006 22:46

Certainly from age 4 or 5 round here my expectation is that it is the responsibility of the host to arrange sufficient adult help for supervising the number of guests invited. At that age we would expect not to stay with our children, and vice versa.

My eldest is now 9, so 'parties' tend to be smaller but longer affairs; but 'free childcare' is all part of the deal.

PinkTinsel · 15/12/2006 22:48

nah all the dads are congregating on the bouncy castles.... the skates would burst them silly!

MerrilyTooBuzzi · 15/12/2006 22:48

rosin i am fed up here...will you have one go at the word game with me before i go to bed?

roisin · 15/12/2006 22:49

what word game?
link please.

MerrilyTooBuzzi · 15/12/2006 22:50

are the dads bouncing happily - have they taken some of the soft balls with them in their pockets? I cant see this as clearly as you PinkTinsel...enlighten me

MerrilyTooBuzzi · 15/12/2006 23:01

roisin dont go its got very rude... word game

Skribble · 15/12/2006 23:20

Pre school most parents stay, once school age most parents leave them.

TBH I wouldn't want 30 sets of parents hanging about too. As host I would expect to orgainise games and keep them all amused.

So when I did big parties I had..
DH- bouncer, games assistant and tear wiper.
BIL- bouncer, DJ and bouncy castle attendant.
MIL- laying out food, table supervisor and wine drinker.
FIL- photographer and calming influence.
ME- host.. welcoming guests, birthday child controler, chief games orgainiser, catering supervisor inc food prep etc.

MerrilyTooBuzzi · 15/12/2006 23:25

get where you are coming from, but some don't have all those and have instead

BNM - billy no mates
SLOF - sad lonely old farts
ATFHFO- all the family have f** off

only joking with you.

Skribble · 15/12/2006 23:33

Then I would give details of each parents expected dutied on the invites eg.

Blondilocks · 15/12/2006 23:54

LO had her first party for her 6th birthday. One dad stayed for a bit as his daughter was 4, then came back early. Parents are always welcome to stay but I don't expect them too. At LOs last party both sets of her grandparents, her aunt & potential uncle, her dad & I were there out of choice so that was plenty without other parents. They all seem to like to be involved in the parties as for her paternal grandparents it is the only chance they have really to see her with her friends.

Blondilocks · 15/12/2006 23:57

Mind you it depends where the party is. The one I took LO to which was about 25 miles away I did stay with the other parents & we all had a coffee & snack while the children played in the soft play bit.

Skribble · 15/12/2006 23:59

DD had about 6/7 friends in Pizza Hut for her last one, 3 of the Mums stayed and heckled me while I tried to do the bingo .

PortAndLemonaid · 16/12/2006 00:18

DS isn't old enough for it to be an issue yet, but when I was growing up parents never ever stayed at birthday parties or at least, not at any of mine, not at any of my siblings' and not at any other parties I attended. Mind you, there were normally only about 10 children at a party you didn't invite numbers that you couldn't handle.

More recently it's been a similar deal with DH's cousin's birthday parties (she's in her mid-teens now) -- other children's parents didn't stay and DH's aunt would draft in extra adults to help if they were needed (which was generally me and DH, in pre-DS days).

To be honest it had never occured to me that (once kids were say 5 ot 6, at least) it might be done any differently. Oh lord, another minefield of social niceties to negotiate as DS gets older... trying to size up whether a fellow parent grew up like me and would be taken aback if I look like I'm thinking of staying, or like you and will be mortally offended if I leave. I shall start working on my neuroses now...

jenkel · 16/12/2006 00:38

My dd's last party was her 4th and all parents stayed apart from 1, we had 30 kids, I would feel uncomfortable leaving dd at a party on her own at the moment, I know she will be fine, I dont get involved in the party and would be quite happy to sit outside with a book if necessary, but I could help her get her food etc and the parties all seem to have bouncy castles and dd always seems to bounce into somebody and end up in tears, so could help with that. I'm not sure yet what age I would be happy to leave her as I havent got there yet, probably feel a bit happier with somebody that she and I know very well.

cat64 · 16/12/2006 01:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

curiosity · 16/12/2006 01:44

IME, some parents stay, some go, always up to the guests' parents, not the party child's parents, who always ensure they have enough help sorted.

On the odd occasion when adults have been required (eg swimming party), party parents have requested specific help, either on the invite or by talking to the parents.

oxocube · 16/12/2006 09:11

Strawberry - re 'if it takes so long to drive there and back, why leave at all?' - my kids are now 11, 9 and 5. If I have to sit through another 2 hour soft play party, I think I'll go mad . I have held enough of them/attended enough to last me several lifetimes!!!! And anyway, I am usually taxiing another child to riding/swimmimg/football. No criticism implied but I really do think that the responsibility should be with the host to arrange additional adult help.

I learned my lesson when my 7 yr old had a bowling party and we arranged for 25 kids to come with no additional help and I'd never been bowling in my life!! Didn't have a clue until one organised and more experienced parent took pity on me!! Never made that mistake again

mousiemousie · 16/12/2006 09:43

Generally the expectation will be that if you have invited a child the parent will be free to stay or not as they choose, although as a courtesy they should ask if you mind and leave a mobile number with you.

It is normally up to you to organise sufficient adult help - friends and family or other parents you have specifically asked.

If you specifically want the parents either to stay or to go you should make it VERY CLEAR on the invitation as they will expect by default to be able to choose.

Clearly it is the same deal when your kids go to other people's parties. If you want 2 hours to please yourself it's fine

LittleSarah · 16/12/2006 09:57

I wouldn't expect people to stay, afraid I do agree that if you are inviting children to your home then it is up to you to keep an eye, after all parents generally aren't expected to stay when a child invited to play/sleepover.

Also I think it is easier, you can be in charge and other adult helpers will be there to help, better than having an uncertain parent hovering around their child.

tigermoth · 16/12/2006 10:00

Agree that parents tend to leave thier children at partes from school age onwards. I certainly did.

strawberrysnowflakes, did you say that you want parents and other siblings to stay? so agree with Hallgerda's views on parents staying (very well put!)

As for siblings, well I think parents may be doing you a favour by not staying with their other children. IME a few wilder, bigger and louder 8 and 9 years olds running around would easily ruin the party for the more timid 3 and 4 year olds and cause you no end of headaches. Also I don't think it's fair to expect children of that age to sit at the sidelines with their parents for 2 hours and watch the fun and games of the younger kids.

As for parents seeing it as free childcare - well you could say that for any playdate! When my sons were 4 or 5 and invited to this sort of party, I usually stayed within the leisure centre complex, with mobile phone on, so I was nearby and on call if there was a crisis, while keeping out of the way of the party. This seemed to be the norm for quite a few other parents.

However, I see your OP says you are working as well as hosting the party. Are you sure all the other parents realised this when they were invited? It looks like they just saw your invite as a standard party invite.

You also say that no one has ever assumed they don't stay at other parties you have held. Is this because the age range was younger? At a party of 1,2 and 3 year olds, I would stay or check fully with the host before leaving.

anniebear · 16/12/2006 13:11

If it was in a play area some where like that then I would expect parents of pre schoolers to stay and find that most do

Bit different in the house though

Defo as soon as they start school you start leaving them on there own

you just have to get a few friends or family to stay and help for safety reasons

sorry havent read the whole thread just skimmed

corrina28 · 16/12/2006 13:25

i dont normally leave my ds at parties, but this is mainly because i dont drive and all the normal party places are a bus ride away, so i normally find somewhere to grab a coffee and catch up with some of the other mums that have stayed, but if i did have a car i would probably drop him off and pick him up again after.

Dottydotthehalls · 16/12/2006 13:32

I'm leaving in about 10 minutes to take ds1 to a party (he's 5) and will definitly be leaving him! It's 2 hours peace and quiet back home and I think from about 4 this seems to be what's done. Whoever's holding the party gets lumbered with the screaming mad sugared up children, and the other parents get to go and collapse in a heap somewhere...

ginnedupmummykissingsantaclaus · 16/12/2006 14:05

I'm stunned at this thread. Since ds1 started school I've never stayed at parties, nor have I expected parents to when I have given parties.
Ds1 is off to a party this afternoon and I'm taking ds2 with me to Sainsburys while he's there.
Tomorrow I am having a bowling party for 8 kids for ds1's birthday and don't expect any parents to stay, even though dp now has to work and my Mum might not be well enough to help.
So what if its free babysitting, most of the children all get invited along to the same parties so to me its like taking it in turns to give each other a break.

Stockingsofdinosaurs · 16/12/2006 14:34

If I were hosting a party for a large number of small kids (ie more than 10) I would make sure I had plenty of grownups lined up in advance (family and other mums and/or venue staff.) Any parents who stick around are a bonus and would be expected to help out but I wouldn't expect them to stay (maybe under 3s.) I have left my dd(3) at softplay parties where she knew other kids.
You need to be specific if you are actually relying on parents being there or not. My sis had to write 'Parents banned' on her ds's 6th birthday party invitations because she didn't have room, food or drink and previously they had all hung around and got in the way.