hate being a lesbian

[dodgydonut]

Hi everyone, this is so difficult. Regular poster but changed my name for this.

For a while I have been confused about my sexuality. I have had crushes on women before but then thought it was just that they were like mother / sister figures to me as they had helped me so much and I don't have any real friends or family.

I have recently had a baby and became really close to my midwife but wasn't sure if I was lesbian because I thought it was just her not women in general. Then I remembered other women I'd felt really close to but again kidded myself into thinking it was just mother figure sort of thing and have thought I wouldn't actually want any sexual activity or kissing or anything.

However since my midwife discharged me, I have been thinking about her all the time, and really miss her. Today I was thinking about all the people I have fancied and realised there have just been a few men and loads of women and that men have never been able to satisfy me anyway and I have just started thinking about sexual activity again after not being interested for ages but can't see me actually doing anything with a man.

I do have a partner and he is lovely and I have told him and hes fine about it, the relationship has been dead for ages, we only had sex to have a baby, but I hate being a lesbian. I feel so embarassed, dirty and ashamed of myself and at the same time desperate to meet a lesbian partner.

And I was raped as well but I don't think it has anything to do with that in all honesty.

DDN - how's it going?

hi motherinferior,

I;m coping, mumsnet support has really helped

just a tiny one - nothing to add dodgydonut but hope you find a way through current feelings to happiness. another cliched response in that i have two friends who, having had hetero relationships for years, are now in relationships with people of same sex. both seem much happier and more settled and i'm so glad for them. it's great that you're attracted to someone too. hope that you and dp can work out where to go between you - not necessarily apart but it does sound like you could do with places to talk. You made a big leap in 'talking' about this on MN - good for you.

Hi dodgydonut,

Not sure where you're based, but in London there is an organization that offers counselling and has social and support groups for people who are lesbian, gay, or bi-, or are unsure of their sexuality. Their web site is www.londonfriend.org.uk

Their helpline is 020 7837 3337, and is open from 7:30 to 10 p.m. every day.

HTH

How are things looking now, dodgydonut ?

Hi DD, just wanted to say that my sister is lesbian and when she was visiting she found the website www.gingerbeer.co.uk. It's London based but there are message boards where you could perhaps find some more support and meet some women going through the same thing.

Best of luck to you. Homosexuality is certainly nothing to be ashamed of but I can understand your concerns. Doing anything 'non-traditional' can be scary. I hope you find whatever makes you happy!

Hi dodgydonut - just saying hello and as a gay mum of 2 with a dp I was wondering if you might be worried about the effect coming out might have on your baby? dp and I took years to make the decision to have children, but we've honestly experienced no problems or prejudice so far - our family, friends and people at work and our neighbours have all been fantastic - it doesn't have to be a negative experience!

Also, you don't have to think of yourself as a 'lesbian' - I've been with my female dp for 12 years, but would still think of my sexuality as being 'flexible' - ie there are women and men I fancy and have fallen in love with, but I'm in a monogamous relationship. It might be easier to think of it that way, at least for the moment, until you're in a relationship - I found it felt much easier and safer to come out once I was with dp!

Good luck and keep posting if you need any more support or just a chat about stuff!