Can't decide wether to go for 4th baby or not

[Nutcracker]

I just cannot make up my mind. Before we knew if we'd got the house I always wanted another baby but knew i couldn't as i didn't have anywhere to put it. Never in my wildest dreams did i imagine we'd be given a 4 bed, and i have to say that one of my first thoughts was 'yeah i can have another baby'.

Now i just can't make my mind up at all. I keep saying to myself 'No, no more, 3 is enough, go back to coleege and do something with your life'
but then it's still there, that wanting a babay thingy.
I am only 25 so you could say i have got years to have more kids but dp is 46 now and has basically said that if we have another one then it needs to be now or never really as he doesn't want to be any older than 48 when i give birth.

The other problem is that i have had 3 sections already so i would be taking a risk. The other big problem is that i had antiC probs last time and they said that it would be worse with any future pregnancies. I would be a high risk of miscarriage and premeture delivery e.t.c. and baby would be very jaundiced and anemiac.

I just can't decide, i always wanted 4 kids and now we've got the house it almost seems like fate.

I wish i could stop dithering and make my mind up for good.

I'd agree. Wait and see how things are once you have moved, set yourself a date in the future, say 6 months hence, to consider it seriously. The new start may solve all the recent problems, it may not, but don't rush into it now - the only pressure to make this decision is of your making. The move itself will put a lot of stress upon you all as a family (even though it is local and ideal), you are having to rejig finances to fund it and all the bits and pieces you want to make it your dream home and then get settled in, besides considering the impact on your relationship and health. imho you should also consider the potential impact on your 3 kids if the health risks are high.

Why not just enjoy your run of luck at the moment and take some time to enjoy it - after all isn't this just the opportunity you have wanted for so long ?

Nutty - I know what you mean about wanting another. The urge is so overwhelming that it kind of makes you see things blinkered. I would say wait a wee while, get all the risks weighed up and enjoy having a bit of freedom for now. How old is your youngest?

If your DH was so easy-going about the 1st 3, he'll probably not mind waiting another couple of years.
Or is he threatening to get the snip at 48?? That's a different matter.

IKWYM about men and the age thing. My DH is 32 and he says that he doesn't want to have another newborn after he's 35 (WHY??). And since I would want to wait another 3 or 4 yrs after this little on is born then we are kinda at a stalemate!

At the end of the day.... if I want another, he'll get used to the idea soon enough.

Nutty, I agree with the wait-and-seers - you definitely need to get into the new house and settled down, and see how DP shapes up as far as putting the family first goes.

I know your living conditions were putting you all under a big strain before, but even so you had valid grounds then for being so fed up with him, so I think you should be really sure you want to stay with him.

I do understand how you feel about wanting a 4th (as you know!) but waiting a few more months won't hurt and at least now you know you will have the space.

you only want another so you can buy a new pram

I wasn't planning on getting pregnant today by the way

I was fully intending on waiting a few months until we had settled into the house.

Toothache - Dp have a vasectomy, you must be joking, he's a right wimp.

LIZS - At no point have i been told it would be life threataning. The risks are more to do with me losing the baby than anything else.

Oh my youngest is 18mths by the way.

ROFL FD

Nutcracker
My dd is the same age as yours and I'm going through a very broody patch. Maybe it's hormonal?! I remember it happened when ds was similar age too. FWIW I would fight that urge for now if I were you and enjoy your new house and space and a much less stressy life altogether. I don't know you but have seen several of your posts and it sounds as though you've had a really hard time all round lately, not just with your dp but with your kids too. You are so young - time is on your side and there's no rush.....

Nutty - you;ve got so much to deal with at the moment with moving house and dealing with your relationship, surely having another baby is putting yourself through added stress that you don't need. It's your choice whether you have a 4th or not, but its not as though you have to decide this minute, give yourself time to think about it and see how you feel when you're in your new house and everything's settled down a bit. And you sounded SO excited a while ago about being able to go back to college and do something YOU want to do, you could do that first and then have a baby if you wanted and your dp would still be young enough to be a dad. Its not really fair of him to give you a 'deadline' like this - if he wants another baby he should be willing to have one at any (reasonable) age.

Also, I don't want to sound depressing but shouldn't you give it a lot longer to see how your relationship goes? You've only recently been through some really tough times and that needs to settle down. Having another baby will only put more pressure on the two of you, you need to be strong together to deal with a new baby.

What about if you leave it for a year - then you'll have time to think through all your options, let things settle down a bit and see how you feel. Then if you have another baby your dp will still only be 48 or ever so slightly over when the baby's born.

Anyway, after all that doom and gloom, I really hope you're feeling better about things and that whatever you decide it makes you happy.

I would leave it longer than a few months Nutty, at least a year. Your relationship has been quite up and down recently, so you need time to see if it has improved.