Think my OH is cheating and really need computer help!?

[dw774391]

Ok so about 2 weeks ago I used his laptop I usually have my own but forgot to take it with me and on the internet history was a search for a site we discussed him using last year with a sort of dating profile. Anyway there isn't much on the history as he clearly usually deletes it but in firefox there is a list of cookies which he obviously doesn't know to delete so theres a list of all the sites hes accessed my only issue is it doesn't give exact link to what was used and I'm not super tecky to know how if even possible to get usernames/passwords from those cookies, I'm wondering if theres anything I can search for on the computer that would give me better information or a program that looks for them I tried searching and one suggested password fox but the laptop had new windows installed so the old firefox details is in another profile and I didn't want to move anything at the risk of loosing information. He also "clutches" his phone 24/7 if he goes to the toilet it goes to, for a shower its in his pocket all the time or right beside him. I don't want to say "hey I think your up to no good" without really having evidence and I know he hasn't been using the old profile as ive got the log in for that and theres been no activity nor anything unusual on emails but that doesn't mean he doesn't have another set up or using the phone.... Please help!

I DO TRUST him I just want to know if what is there is from 2012 or before or if it's after I.e before getting together or not. And with a lot of things it's hard to know what's a site you've actually clicked on or if it's a ad that's come up from being on another site so I don't even know if the dating ones are home pages from ads or if they are from being accessed. I could make a profile and go through but a lot of sites unless you know the profile username you can only search for the area they have saved which would mean scrolling through countless profiles and pages of profiles without profile pictures so even if I did that I'd never know if he was or wasn't on that site. I truly believe he hasn't been chatting up people online etc but i think if I had clear site accessed before I was dating him I could just ignore the whole laptop thing anyway. Maybe cheating wasn't the best word to use in original post and has confused everyone.

You're the one who brought these things up not us.
You say that you find his behaviour with his phone weird. I imply that he's protecting it from you because that's what people are doing if they take their phone everywhere including the shower or trips to the toilet.

Now you're defending him and telling posters not to judge
Surely all you need to do is ask him, rather than asking here how to spy on him. Why can't you ask why is your phone glued to you all the time? You're in an adult relationship, it's not a shocking question especially if it's no big deal anyway.

If you trusted him you wouldn't be thinking twice about this. I really think you need to talk to him, if you're relationship is great it would be a none issue.

The kik account I only knew about from a message he had from 2010 on the first profile I found on fetlife, I logged in to the kik but there was no messages and I left it logged in for weeks and nothing came through so I think this is from before we started dating too which again adds to my what if all the laptop data is from before we dated. And before anyone says I'm wrong to log into his account when I called him up on the profile he said I could access anything I found/his phone/his laptop but I wasn't staying with him at the time so he could have easily deleted stuff. And I'm allowed on his laptop when ever i like just like he can have my phone tablet or laptop to use

Lots of people have "weird behaviour" I'm saying it unusual to have your phone all the time but that doesn't mean he's texting other people maybe he likes to watch YouTube while taking a shit I don't exactly investigate what he gets up to in the toilet.... I'm not saying don't judge I'm saying people can hardly make judgements on a post that talks about 1/100000 part of our relationship. For the last time it wasn't to spy! I just wanted to know dates accessed and if the cookies actually held info somewhere that could let me know the dates, what if you found history from before you dated someone like dating site but only knew website and didn't know if they still had it would you say hey I seen this site from possibly before we dated but do you still use it?? I'm not saying he's going to lie but if anyone was and didn't want to throw away 3 years I'm sure they would say oh that nope it's ages ago how would I know any different and then You'd only be going purely on what they said that they aren't using it. I read a post today a woman in. 15 year relationship with a son and married found another phone turned out her boyfriend had a whole affair on the go and a secret phone she had absolutely no idea, I'm not sayin everyone is the same but everyone is making out I have a bad relationship and trust issues when for all you guys know your partner could be sleeping with someone else right now...

You're completely back-tracking now - go back and re-read your first couple of posts where you tell us that you have reason not to trust him, and that he behaves in a questionable way.

Good luck with your detective work, trying to sleuth out what your DP is up, because you don't trust him, and you're unable to communicate with him.

Well, my husband's in the shower so unless another woman's been hiding behind the shower curtain all night I am confident he's now shagging another woman right now

Seriously, it's you whose searching through your partner's web history, you mentioned him taking his phone everywhere and you're worried about what he's doing. All I can say is that in a trusting relationship that is not normal.

I'm not sayin everyone is the same but everyone is making out I have a bad relationship and trust issues when for all you guys know your partner could be sleeping with someone else right now.

but the difference is, none of us are posting wondering how we can find out if we can actually trust our DPs because they don't hide their phones from us or access dodgy sites, whether for reading the forums, looking at the lovely pictures or messaging people they want to have sex with.

Turning it around to try and normalise your feelings is missing the point. Yes, any one of our partners COULD be having an affair, but we trust that they are not. You evidently don't trust your DP despite your protestations - I have no reason to even think about accessing my DP's cookies etc and if he ever did that to me we would be having serious words, not about the websites I'd been on, but his massive infringement of my privacy.

Jeez this is no way to live

There's no trust so what's the point?

Op: help, I need advice and support

MN: we agree, these are the reasons you need advice and support

Op: I haven't done anything wrong, neither has he and anyway your husbands are probably cheating on you

You know your partner best then

I don't get why you feel the need to bring up other people's relationships. I don't get that at all.

For what it's worth I don't have any trust issues in mine and have never needed to seek advice from strangers.

For the first time ever I feel that even if I knew what to do IT wise (I don't!), I wouldnt feel comfortable helping you snoop.

Why don't you just ask him? If you cannot believe what he tells you then there is no real r'ship is there?

Yes, anyone's partner could be cheating. And if they come on here asking if it sounds like they might be then they could expect equally honest responses! I wish I knew about MN when I was going through similar stuff! It's perfectly natural to feel defensive of your relationship if you feel it's being attacked because its something precious to you, but it really isn't being in the way you are perceiving - your title is "think my OH is cheating...", so no-one is coming up with anything you haven't suggested yourself!

The cookies cannot give you the information you want, but if you're intent on figuring out if the site usage is current or not, how about deleting the cookies yourself and keeping an eye to see if they reappear?

OR... as you've been messed around before and have understandably admitted to finding it hard to trust, you could use that as an inroad to having a conversation with your partner instead. Something like "you know how hard I find it to trust because of xyz? Well I saw this on your computer and it naturally stirred up panicky feelings for me. I'm sure it's innocent and only there from way back, but can we talk about it please to put my mind at rest"? If he's innocent he would have no reason to feel defensive about that, and would be nothing but supportive.

If you're so scared that talking to him will just give him an opportunity to lie, then in the kindest and gentlest way possible, that just isn't proper trust. Maybe it's a hangover from past abuse, maybe he just isn't trustworthy. Either way, feeling anxious about cookies on his laptop and not feeling able to approach him about it is not something you should have to just put up with.

I hope you sort it out in a way you're happy with