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Original poster

I should keep my nose out shouldn't I?

89 replies

verycross · 29/11/2006 16:43

Well its a long story but.....

My neighbour really infuriates me. She has 4 children dd2 is the same age as my dd1 (5)
They both play very well together and my neighbour and I have become quite friendly....she also has dd3 the same age as my dd2

I just get so annoyed sometimes. Most of the time I just keep my nose out and let her get on with it.
I don't mean to slag her off, but I just can't say it any other way..her parenting skills are so lazy!She just doesn't have the same level of care as I do I guess.

E.g.... halloween, she refused to do a pumpkin as it "is too much mess" despite her kids pleading.
(I felt so sorry for them and volunteered to make one with them at mine...so there was no mess)

I ALWAYS take her dd to other classmates b'day parties (if my dd is going anyway), as she "can't be doing with the fuss"

Her youngest dd didn't get wrapping paper on her 1st b'day pressies as "She'll never know the difference and I can't be bothered with the wrapping" (I can vaguely see her point but even 1 year olds get excited at the sight of a wrapped pressie surely???!)

This last few days she has really annoyed me though... we were talking about christmas decorations and when they were going up
she replied "na not going up in our house this year...central heating is going up 1st week of Jan... won't have time to take them all down"

I said...oh of course you will!!!!! she said sharply...you put them up and take them down then!

Anyway...took my dd1 to school this morning to find her dd in tears...mummy had forgotten her swim kit. I calmed her down and promised to go and find mummy and get her kit.
Eventually found her in a nieghbours house and told her her dd was upset and could she get her kit
she replied "oh bloody kids...tell her you can't find me and she'll have to watch"

I just got so cross.... i said "oh for ffs, she is in tears! Give me your keys and I'll get the chuffin kit and take it up, if my dd had a spare one I'd take her that"
She glared at me then shut the door!!

She hasn't spoken to me all afternoon, and I got even more cross to see her poor dd and ds walking home yet again on their own because it is raining(she doesn't walk them home if it is)
If it wasn't illegal I'd of picked them both up but that would of meant children sitting on laps!

God was I just interfering or would you of done the same?????

OP posts:
Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 16:45
Angry
OP posts:
PinkTinsel · 29/11/2006 16:48

she sounds like my aunt..... my poor cousin has never had a 'proper' xmas as she can't be bothered

mumatuks · 29/11/2006 16:48

No, you're not interfering as such, you're just a very kind, loving mum who hates to see other kids go without (especially as there is the means there to do it, it's just laziness on her behalf!)

I think you are brave for snapping about the kit, and I may have too. Hopefully it will rattle her cage and make her think twice about her attitude? But then again, maybe not, it's just how some people are.

Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 16:48

someone please tell me I wasn't totally OOO

OP posts:
Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 16:49

oh sorry...x posts ...thankyou!!!!!!!

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littlemisspiggy · 29/11/2006 16:50

As you have said you can't interfere
but
I totally agree with you. She sounds like a right lazy arse when it comes to her kids.

Twiglett · 29/11/2006 16:50

I would be flaming furious at anybody who talked to me like that in front of a friend let alone tracked me down to tell me how to look after my children

I think you should back off NOW

I think you owe her an apology

and I think you should take a big look at how judgemental you're being

2nervesnapartridgeinapeartree · 29/11/2006 16:50

I would find it difficult to be friends or spend any time with her. I don't really get along with 'can't be bothered' people. They tend to suck the fun out of everything. I think I would have done the same as you.

Will you really be sorry if she is no longer in your life?

I know you will feel bad about her kids but you can't change her and you can't bring them up by proxy.

eenysugarplumfairy · 29/11/2006 16:51

My Mom was terrible and never ever ever put herself out for me or my sister. She was also very abusive in other ways. I think this is awful and I dont blame you for being very cross!! Those children will not have all the fond memories of childhood that thier peers will. I know because I have almost no happy memories of childhood.

Bluebear · 29/11/2006 16:51

Sounds like my mum - also had 4 children and lots to remember.

Cadmum · 29/11/2006 16:52

I really don't like it when people are too lazy/selfish to parent their own young children. Having 4 is no excuse. We also have four and run around after them and any other children that need some additional support.

I can see why you are so .

eenysugarplumfairy · 29/11/2006 16:52

My first thought WAS 'back off she has other things going on' BUT some of it just seems OTT and reminds me of MY Mum who could never be bothered for me.

zephyrcat · 29/11/2006 16:53

No you weren't ooo - I'd have been the same. The woman we walk home from school with spends the whole time having a go at her poor kids. Her dd got her ears pierced for her b'day the other week and when she came out of school she was terrified of her mum. I said to her Mum "You never know it might be in her bed or something" but she ignored it and told her dd she was in trouble I've made a point of talking to her dd and ds all the walk home and talking to them about their day etc and I've noticed they now walk home next to me instead of her.

ffs why do people bother having children if they can't be bothered to be nice/take care of them?

Piffle · 29/11/2006 16:55

I too cannot be arsed with pumpkins for halloween, pointless commercially exploitative celebration IMO
I do make cracking pumpkin soup though
I didn't wrap dd's 1st birthday pressies either. She got them in a big silver bag.
ds forgot his swim kit last week, could have resulted in detention, I could have run out or drove out after him, but sod him, he should know better he is 12.
And I am denying dd an xmas with extended family and their kids as I cannot be arsed
If you had said that to me, I would never have spoken to you again.
But that's just me
I care for my kids 110% in other ways - parenting is not one prescription fits all btw.

Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 16:58

Twiglett...I can see your point...thats what I was worried about...I didn't actually say any of this in front of the other neighbour (she is elderly and was in the bedroom)
I just get so fed up always being the one her kids go to or cry to when she can't be bothered to help them...I just got cross...I had bothered to comfort her dd and go and get her kit, and all she could do was instruct me to break the bad news to her dd!
No thanks but I'll sort it out...or thanks for comforting her!

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MarsLady · 29/11/2006 16:58

I think that you're interfering! Yes she might be a lazy parent. Yes she might have other things on her mind. Yes she might be under any form of stress or whatever, but you do not have the right to track her down or berate her for her parenting style/skills or lack thereof.

I appreciate that it has made you angry and hurt your heart on behalf of those kids but I bet you wouldn't take too kindly to someone saying, thinking and doing the same things as you to you because they feel that your parenting skills are off.

Sorry, but I'm with Twiggy all the way (no matter how I feel about those kids)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/11/2006 17:00

Agree with Twig.

She has 4 children - she probably doesnt have the time to do all the things you can. I think you have undermined her several occasions and you need to apologise to her for the swim kit thing.

Whether she gets involved in various festivals and celebrations is really none of your business I'm afraid.

Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 17:01

no...I didn't go and TRACK her down to shout at her or put her down, I went to find her because I had promised her crying 5 year old I'd find mummy and get her kit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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PinkTinsel · 29/11/2006 17:01

how can you aknowledge that the mom is lazy and the kids suffer but still say verycross needs to apologise for one small outburst?

i'd have been extremely pissed off too at this woman. if she can't be bothered running around after her kids why have 4?

MarsLady · 29/11/2006 17:04

PT... from the posts this might be only one small outburst, but the interference is ongoing. What you or I may find lazy she may not. What you or I may find worthy she may not.

All I know is... if you keep trying to fix other people's problems without being asked, you don't have the right to be cross that they don't like it!

WideWebWitch · 29/11/2006 17:05

I'm with Twig too. Wtf is it to do with you?

I don't do halloween at all, let alone bloody pumpkins

my dd didn't get ANYTHNG when she was 1 yo, no, they don't know the difference, 1yo is for the parents to celebrate getting through a year imo

swimming kit, god, we all forget stuff (or maybe you don't, ever?), no big deal imo. Ds said to me the other day 'mum, you've got to start writing things down, I was supposed to be at x's party yesterday' - I'd just forgotten but in my defence something's bound to get forgotten occasionally, it's a hectic life and I've only got 2 children.

decorations, none of your businesss.

You REALLY need to back off and mind your own business imo. You sound very smug and judgemental.

Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 17:06

I have 3 of my own....I can still walk them to school, get them involved in parties etc etc!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have never said to her face ever before what I think!
and she was more than happy to let me do pumpkins believe me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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wannaBe1974 · 29/11/2006 17:06

I can understand why it upsets you but really it's none of your business.

It's up to her how she parents her children, and as long as she's not abusing them it has nothing to do with you. Not having a pumpkin is certainly not the end of the world - I didn't have one either and won't be having one any time in the future. And as for you tracking her down at someone else's house, tbh I think you're out of order and she had a right to be annoyed.

WideWebWitch · 29/11/2006 17:07

Wasn't your place to hound her mother imo. If you'd REALLY wanted to help you'd have calmed her down and made her see the positive side of no swimming OR got a teacher to find a costume she could borrow.

WideWebWitch · 29/11/2006 17:08

But so what? Her parenting isn't yours, it's not your place to decide that she OUGHT to make pumpkins. And you OFFERED so why shouldn't she have accepted?