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Original poster

I should keep my nose out shouldn't I?

89 replies

verycross · 29/11/2006 16:43

Well its a long story but.....

My neighbour really infuriates me. She has 4 children dd2 is the same age as my dd1 (5)
They both play very well together and my neighbour and I have become quite friendly....she also has dd3 the same age as my dd2

I just get so annoyed sometimes. Most of the time I just keep my nose out and let her get on with it.
I don't mean to slag her off, but I just can't say it any other way..her parenting skills are so lazy!She just doesn't have the same level of care as I do I guess.

E.g.... halloween, she refused to do a pumpkin as it "is too much mess" despite her kids pleading.
(I felt so sorry for them and volunteered to make one with them at mine...so there was no mess)

I ALWAYS take her dd to other classmates b'day parties (if my dd is going anyway), as she "can't be doing with the fuss"

Her youngest dd didn't get wrapping paper on her 1st b'day pressies as "She'll never know the difference and I can't be bothered with the wrapping" (I can vaguely see her point but even 1 year olds get excited at the sight of a wrapped pressie surely???!)

This last few days she has really annoyed me though... we were talking about christmas decorations and when they were going up
she replied "na not going up in our house this year...central heating is going up 1st week of Jan... won't have time to take them all down"

I said...oh of course you will!!!!! she said sharply...you put them up and take them down then!

Anyway...took my dd1 to school this morning to find her dd in tears...mummy had forgotten her swim kit. I calmed her down and promised to go and find mummy and get her kit.
Eventually found her in a nieghbours house and told her her dd was upset and could she get her kit
she replied "oh bloody kids...tell her you can't find me and she'll have to watch"

I just got so cross.... i said "oh for ffs, she is in tears! Give me your keys and I'll get the chuffin kit and take it up, if my dd had a spare one I'd take her that"
She glared at me then shut the door!!

She hasn't spoken to me all afternoon, and I got even more cross to see her poor dd and ds walking home yet again on their own because it is raining(she doesn't walk them home if it is)
If it wasn't illegal I'd of picked them both up but that would of meant children sitting on laps!

God was I just interfering or would you of done the same?????

OP posts:
Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 17:54

thank you shiny

I should of kept my nose out obviously....I do get too involved... especially because of my background....

I will politely tell her next time I see her that I am sorry for TRACKING her down, and could she please stop her children from coming to me...that way I can't be interfering and she can parent how ever she sees fit.

As for not posting the whole story...I'm sorry.. I should of elaborated the background more????
I was expecting a helpful chat more than anything, and the chance to elaborate more, but well

I have learned my MN lesson haven't i!!!!!!

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Saturn74 · 29/11/2006 17:54

verycross, I can see that you feel compelled to help these children when you see their mother not doing the things that you think she should do.

I can also see that your comments about your childhood would mean that you don't want to see any child left out.

I think if you were asked to help out, or asked to offer comments on this woman's parenting style, then that is one thing.

It seems unfair though, to help her out but then criticise her.

Why not let your children be friends with hers, but let her deal with her own children?

She hasn't asked for you to do the things you do for her children, has she? So she can't really be blamed for not covering you with thanks and praise.

Maybe it would be a good idea for you to step back from it because it seems that the fact that you have differing parenting styles really upsets you, and perhaps makes you over-react to situations involving her children.

Perhaps you could suggest that you alternate taking the children to parties, and leave her to live her life her way, whilst you live yours in your way.

Saturn74 · 29/11/2006 17:56

Oops, X post.
I've missed the boat again!

Tinkerbel5 · 29/11/2006 17:57

I annoys me when people cant be bothered to put themselves out for their kids, ok we all have a 'cant be bothered day', but by the sounds of it this woman dont put herself out for no-one.

verycross best bet is to back off and not help out, even though it will pity you watching the kids go without, you cant be a substitute mum, all you will end up doing is bottling up your resentment and having a big row over it.

Everyone has a different level of parenting, just leave this woman to it and watch her on Jeremy Kyle in 10 years time

piglit · 29/11/2006 17:58

Why ask the question about keeping your nose out if you don't want an honest opinion from posters?

Or did you just want everyone on here to slag her off so you could feel better?

Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 18:01

I will try to do that thanks HC and Tinkerbel

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ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 29/11/2006 18:01

I could understand that feeling piglit! If I had to witness my neighbour doing a half-baked job of parenting most of the time, and had to bite my lip most of the time, I'd WANT to come and vent on MN too!! And have a few people agree with me...

zippitippitoes · 29/11/2006 18:05

well if you want people to agree with you then you have to be more sly about how you phrase your post!

Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 18:05

What do you think Piglit?????????????
FFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yes...I came on here just for that reason didn't I...........

I wanted some input as to what I should do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WITHOUT THE F@ING GRIEF AND RUDENESS

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Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 18:07

I am not asking for a pat on the bleedin back ffs

I was upset that I spoke to her in that way and was upset that I had been put in the position I was put in!

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piglit · 29/11/2006 18:08

And some people have said keep your nose out and some have sympathised. Not sure what else you want. You can't expect everyone to agree with you. People on MN can't agree about anything. Surely you've learnt that by now???

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 29/11/2006 18:09

VC, log off, go have a cup of tea, listen to some music and then come back, change your name to LessCross, take a big breath and read the thread again. It's not as bad as you think.

People have been a bit rude.. and your neighbour is a selfish cow. But nothing to be TOO stressed about. xx

Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 18:09

Are you even reading my posts now??????

Of course people are gonna disagree...do they have to disagree so feckin bitchely???

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Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 18:10

x posts there Shiny...sorry...will take your advice!!

Phew...I feckin wish I'd never bothered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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eenysugarplumfairy · 29/11/2006 18:11

wow I wouldnt have guessed this one would kick off. I honestly didnt see it coming.

zippitippitoes · 29/11/2006 18:11

but you weren't put in a position she intentionally got involved and then were quite rude to her..if the children were at school why shouldn't she have gone to her neighbours house..

that's not unreasonable finding you on the doorstep with a story about how she should get back up to school with a swiomming cosatume proabably is

piglit · 29/11/2006 18:12

I have no idea why you are having a go at me vc. I'm going to leave this thread now.

zippitippitoes · 29/11/2006 18:12

sorry that should read you intentionally chose to get involved

Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 18:16

not having a go at you specifically piglit. you just toppled my anger levels over

I am not so nieve to think everyone would agree with me and make me feel better by slagging her off...I didn't want everyone to slag her off!!!!!(someone to say I wasn't completely in the wrong was perhaps on my list!)

I wanted some help with the situation but instead got put firmly in my place no questions asked...just spat at!!!!!!!!!!!

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Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 18:19

right Zippi...good point...point taken...

see you can make a point without making me feel more shit than I do and without being rude

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Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 18:20

(oh not you zippi...meant people in general)

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zippitippitoes · 29/11/2006 18:21

I've reread your post several times and my conclusion is that you are very angry, but without any justification

so my advice is that you let the children play together but cool off any friendship as you both seem very different

can't really see any rudeness on this thread in the replies you have received

zippitippitoes · 29/11/2006 18:26

someone else posted something that was similar in a way a while ago

and she had also had a miserable time herself growing up and was determined to make her child's life much better, commendably, but it led her into similar ways of trying to make other vchildren's lives better too but at the same time realising she couldn't and ending up in knots like you.

Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 18:27

"I'm with Twig too. Wtf is it to do with you? "

you don't think thats rude?????

"You REALLY need to back off and mind your own business imo. You sound very smug and judgemental. "

Thats rude too IMO....

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Original poster
verycross · 29/11/2006 18:30

It seems it only takes one person to say something rude...then the rest "agree with them"

Ok I might be trying to make MY kids life different to mine...but I don't ask HER kids to come to me they just do....

I'm going now as my head hurts

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