I should keep my nose out shouldn't I?

[verycross]

Well its a long story but.....

My neighbour really infuriates me. She has 4 children dd2 is the same age as my dd1 (5)
They both play very well together and my neighbour and I have become quite friendly....she also has dd3 the same age as my dd2

I just get so annoyed sometimes. Most of the time I just keep my nose out and let her get on with it.
I don't mean to slag her off, but I just can't say it any other way..her parenting skills are so lazy!She just doesn't have the same level of care as I do I guess.

E.g.... halloween, she refused to do a pumpkin as it "is too much mess" despite her kids pleading.
(I felt so sorry for them and volunteered to make one with them at mine...so there was no mess)

I ALWAYS take her dd to other classmates b'day parties (if my dd is going anyway), as she "can't be doing with the fuss"

Her youngest dd didn't get wrapping paper on her 1st b'day pressies as "She'll never know the difference and I can't be bothered with the wrapping" (I can vaguely see her point but even 1 year olds get excited at the sight of a wrapped pressie surely???!)

This last few days she has really annoyed me though... we were talking about christmas decorations and when they were going up
she replied "na not going up in our house this year...central heating is going up 1st week of Jan... won't have time to take them all down"

I said...oh of course you will!!!!! she said sharply...you put them up and take them down then!

Anyway...took my dd1 to school this morning to find her dd in tears...mummy had forgotten her swim kit. I calmed her down and promised to go and find mummy and get her kit.
Eventually found her in a nieghbours house and told her her dd was upset and could she get her kit
she replied "oh bloody kids...tell her you can't find me and she'll have to watch"

I just got so cross.... i said "oh for ffs, she is in tears! Give me your keys and I'll get the chuffin kit and take it up, if my dd had a spare one I'd take her that"
She glared at me then shut the door!!

She hasn't spoken to me all afternoon, and I got even more cross to see her poor dd and ds walking home yet again on their own because it is raining(she doesn't walk them home if it is)
If it wasn't illegal I'd of picked them both up but that would of meant children sitting on laps!

God was I just interfering or would you of done the same?????

I think thats wise VC

Verycross... honey.. it's not a personal thing and for what it's worth.. I didn't read Twiglett's post and think yeah I'm going to say that too. I started my post on reading your op, then I thought I'd have a quick look at what others said. I was surprised that people quickly agreed with you, saw that Twiglett didn't and that actually I agreed with her.

If you felt me rude... fair play to you, but I don't think that I was. I was simply posting my pov in response to your question. However... as they used to say in Ally McBeal... bygones!

Mars - I can truly picture you typing that post atm

lol so can I and i haven't even met mars!

Hey VC

breathe in ......

breathe out .....

breathe in .....

breathe out .....

I think this woman has seen how much you help out her kids/her and maybe she has become reliant on you in a way. I think your intentions were right but you could be creating a bigger problem for yourself in the future if she ends up as one of lifes takers.
I think the pe kit thing needs to be forgotten about, and if you don't agree with how this woman is behaving then try talking to her about things, nothing confrontational, but just a general chat. She could be having problems coping etc. i can understand your feelings, it would probably get to me if this has been carrying on a while, but at the same time no rule book says you have to carve a pumpkin etc we all just try to do our best. she might need help. (btw im not having a go here)Hope you get it sorted one way or another

I wasn't rude, I gave you my opinion, which you ASKED for because you posted on a public forum.

But you clearly are very cross about a load of stuff that has nothing to do with me, is not my responsibility and I doubt can be sorted out over the internet so I think I'll leave you to it.

Very about this thread.

Message withdrawn

I'm not sure if ur still checking this post but just wanted to add my bit. Tbh dont see why your getting all this grief...you sound like a lovely mother who does the best for her kids and i think its really sad that this women is so darn lazy. Ok so maybe making a pumpkin, or putting up xmas decorations isnt the most fun of activities for some, but imo you do them cos u wanna do the best for your kids so that when they look back on their life they think yeh i had a happy childhood (and i dont even have children yet!)

In terms of the swimming costume thing...tbh i wud have done the same..i mean if ya find a child in tears u wanna make it better rite? And it seems that you were first calm with it....just letting her know the situation.

I think now perhaps you should cool of the friendship a little...i wud probably apologise in a 'i'm sorry but just felt sad for ur dd that she was gonna miss swimming and i'd promised i would fix it' type of way'. Its a difficult one cos it sounds like sometimes her dc kind of need you there to rely on in a crisis (as with the eldest dd in charge of her sibling inc baby) so i can imagine you feel some sort of responsibility for them...although its ridiculous that you should have 2. Perhaps stay bk but but stay friendly with the children so they feel they can call on you if they need 2?

"I have helped her financially, I have taken her children all over the place, I have sat and listened to her children sob their hearts out"

Then I am sorry, verycross, but it sounds like you have made a rod for your own back! THEY expect YOU to sort it, because that is exactly what YOU have been doing!

The kids probably know if they turn on the waterworks, that good old verycross will come a running & make it all go away!

If you are fed up with doing it, then stop!

Oh...I hadn't expected this to still be going!

I just wanted to say a few things now I have slept on it.

Thankyou so very much to all of you who actually did help! Thankyou for your views and comments, I have read them and taken them all in now I am not so cross.
Constructive comments and critcism very much appreciated

I was very silly and very nieve to expect all people to be helpful! I am fully aware it is a public forum, and really should of known there are certain people who don't actually really give a flying fart about how I was really feeling, they wade in regardless.

WWW you WERE rude actually. I did ask for your opinion yes, and your first line was (I Quote)

"I'm with Twig too. Wtf is it to do with you?"

Would you honestly go up to someone you have never met, who is angry and upset and actually sware at them??? If so then I really hope I never meet you!

Anyway, my neighbour phoned me last night to ask if I could take her dd to school on friday. She didn't even mention the whole episode until I apologised for the way I spoke to her.
She then replied "Aw love it'll take more than that to get rid of me" she then laughed and said "we'll say no more about it"

sandcastles.... you are absolutely right, I have indeed made a rod for my own back. I am going to have to think about what I am going to do!

angelcake...I think you have hit the nail on the head too...she obviously really does rely on me more than I had realised, as do her kids.

well I am not going to say any more on here! I am far too emotional a person to cope with the rudeness of some (I really should of known better, I have sat and watched many a poster be upset by others in this way) and I posted on here whilst I was upset and angry which again was a mistake, as I just got more upset!!! (Shinyhappystar...thankyou, now I am calm I can see on your posts you were trying to calm me!)

notso, thats us aussie lot coming in hours after the fact & striing it all up again! [Tut!]

I understand you feeling bad for these children, it's never nice to see them suffer.

I used to do alot for a friend & it was only after several years that I realised I was giving more than I got. I used to take my friends children to zoos, parks, on picnics, the cinema, even took 1 of them out in the snow at 10pm at night (I was babysitting) as her mother wouldn't. It really did become an 'I can't be bothered, but ring sandcastles, she will do it' More often than not, I did. Until another a friend made me realise that this woman would be the last person to do anything for children (I didn't have any at the time)

Good luck with what ever you decide to do, it won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

Notso, "lazy" people often turn out to be depressed when you take a closer look. Do you think this might be the problem with your neighbour?

I'm glad you were mature enough to apologise to her

I hope you listen to sandcastle's advice too .. sounds eminently sensible ..