I should keep my nose out shouldn't I?

[verycross]

Well its a long story but.....

My neighbour really infuriates me. She has 4 children dd2 is the same age as my dd1 (5)
They both play very well together and my neighbour and I have become quite friendly....she also has dd3 the same age as my dd2

I just get so annoyed sometimes. Most of the time I just keep my nose out and let her get on with it.
I don't mean to slag her off, but I just can't say it any other way..her parenting skills are so lazy!She just doesn't have the same level of care as I do I guess.

E.g.... halloween, she refused to do a pumpkin as it "is too much mess" despite her kids pleading.
(I felt so sorry for them and volunteered to make one with them at mine...so there was no mess)

I ALWAYS take her dd to other classmates b'day parties (if my dd is going anyway), as she "can't be doing with the fuss"

Her youngest dd didn't get wrapping paper on her 1st b'day pressies as "She'll never know the difference and I can't be bothered with the wrapping" (I can vaguely see her point but even 1 year olds get excited at the sight of a wrapped pressie surely???!)

This last few days she has really annoyed me though... we were talking about christmas decorations and when they were going up
she replied "na not going up in our house this year...central heating is going up 1st week of Jan... won't have time to take them all down"

I said...oh of course you will!!!!! she said sharply...you put them up and take them down then!

Anyway...took my dd1 to school this morning to find her dd in tears...mummy had forgotten her swim kit. I calmed her down and promised to go and find mummy and get her kit.
Eventually found her in a nieghbours house and told her her dd was upset and could she get her kit
she replied "oh bloody kids...tell her you can't find me and she'll have to watch"

I just got so cross.... i said "oh for ffs, she is in tears! Give me your keys and I'll get the chuffin kit and take it up, if my dd had a spare one I'd take her that"
She glared at me then shut the door!!

She hasn't spoken to me all afternoon, and I got even more cross to see her poor dd and ds walking home yet again on their own because it is raining(she doesn't walk them home if it is)
If it wasn't illegal I'd of picked them both up but that would of meant children sitting on laps!

God was I just interfering or would you of done the same?????

Ok so when she next knocks my door to ask id her dd can have a lift to a party with me, or her ds needs me to help him with his homework because she hasn't got time what should I do ?????

Well if she's asking you to do favours you don't want to do that's another matter entirely imo, don't do them. But your other posts didn't sound as if that was what you were asking.

It really is not your place, or responsibility, or anything else to do things for these children.

And then to get angry about it.....?

Honestly - you need to back off. If its so terrible - dont be her friend anymore. If you really think the children are being let down so badly by not carving pumpkins, not putting up christmas decorations up, not wrapping birthday presents for a 1 year old and for forgetting a swim kit - call social services. I suspect they might just laugh in your face though....

I'd be surprised if she speaks to you again tbh.

I'm with Twig on this one.

if you don't want to do favours for her, say no. simple as.

Do you think she will come knocking on your door for help after the 'swim kit' incident?

Sorry but I agree with verycross, I would have done the same thing. Shame for kiddies to miss out BUT perhaps mum says these things as a "front"

I have often popped a pe kit , piece of homework etc that my kiddies and I have forgotten.

ok ok points taken...but IMO I cannot stand by and watch a child cry, especially if they yet again want me to fix it because they know as well as me their mum won't!
I grew up with a mother who didn't give two hoots about me or my brothers, and I know what it is like to be the only child who has to keep their mouths shut and make do. I also know damned well my dd will still want to play with her dd and the cycle will start all over again

Thanks for your input

(only child in the class...it should of been)

I think it's just a case of diffeerent things for different people not wanting decorations or making poumpkins is not terribly off the wall, nor forgetting kit..it's part and parcel of childhood really

I would hate to have someone on my case

not on her case, not harrassing her, not tracking her down, not demining her in anyway...

I have helped her financially, I have taken her children all over the place, I have sat and listened to her children sob their hearts out,

no it isn't just part and parcel of childhood to have your mother leave you for 7 hours on your own to look after your siblings when you are only 12 and the youngest sister is only a tiny baby (her dd1 was left with the rest of them, and she came to get me)

Pants to you if you think I'm interfering...if I was so interfering I'd of called social services on many an ocassion!!!

I think you might be bringing your own issues to the table maybe? (just the stuff you said about your mum)

Do you think they come to you because they know you will give them whatever they want? I'm not sure that they arent taking advantage of your good nature.

I understand where you are coming from based on what you said about your childhood. Its not your problem though, really. You need to let go.

you have moved the goal posts a mile from your original post

Hang on, to start with it was just about a pumpkin and swim kit, now she's bordering on negligent?

If it was a close friend I would have said what you did.. my best friend and I often 'put each other right' on small parenting issues (but then both of us try to do the best we can for our kids, unlike your neighbour, clearly.)

Perhaps with hindsight you should have asked to speak to her outside for a second and bitten your tongue a little as you gave her your views on the situation.

TBH thought I too think she sounds v.selfish. I torture myself far more than necessary of I forget something like swimming stuff and my children 'suffer' as a result. Once.. just once, many years ago when DS1 was in about Y2 I sent him to school in uniform on non-uniform say because I'd got the days wrong. I was more devastated than he was!

Only problem with no longer speaking to this neighbour (if that's the way it goes) is that her children will miss out on your input which it sounds as if they sorely need. Perhaps you can apologise and say you shouldn't have spoken to her in that way but you were upset to know her DD was so upset.. and would stay upset with no swimming costume.

I don't think she sounds negligent.. I think she sounds selfish

you lot make me have to rant and go off my origional post!!!!!!!!!

You don't know all the ins and outs but decide to be rude anyway!
WWW...you say I should of calmed her dd down and tried to make the best of the situation...or asked the teacher to find her a spare cossie!!!!!
THATS NOT MY F'ING JOB EITHER!!!!!!!

Gosh yes! Goalposts have moved somewhat.

Verycross - I can understand why you are sad at the way she treats her children, but maybe "can't be arsed" could mean "I am depressed and it is all too much bother"
I would back off for a while

No, we dont know all the ins and outs. Its up to you to tell us. You apparently didnt in the OP.

I dont think anyone has been rude here. Well......

That's what happens on MN verycross, you should know that People merrily give opinions and judgements based on the limited info given.. which is all people can do really.. and it would take a BOOK to give ALL the background.

And the rudeness is a side effect of not having to observe the usual social graces because we are all tucked safely behind our PC screens and don't have the face the people we're rude to!

you did say

"I should keep my nose out shouldn't I"

and on the face of it I agree yes you should

accusing someone of wilful neglect etc etc is not the same thing

SJ

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