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Original poster

This is my pledge to Yorkiegirl ....

202 replies

moaningpaper · 28/10/2006 15:02

This is my pledge to Yorkiegirl .... (well to my family really)

I WILL swallow my horror at the whole wife thing and get married in the next 12 months so that my family has more legal protection.

Who wants to join me?

OP posts:
StrawberryMoon · 30/10/2006 17:07

thanks will have a look in a bit

Dottydot · 30/10/2006 17:13

NAB3 - I don't understand your point re: not agreeing wtih gay people having the civil partnership and others calling it being married when it isn't. I think what's established is that it is the same as being married, in that it gives gay people who have had a civil ceremony all the same legal rights - or have I misunderstood your point?

Piffle · 30/10/2006 17:26

yes a little confusing that bpost NAB
You disagree with civil partnerships in total or just that people call it a wedding/marriage?
look her for definitions of marriage

Main Entry: mar·riage
Pronunciation: 'mer-ij, 'ma-rij
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English mariage, from Anglo-French, from marier to marry
1 a (1) : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2) : the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage b : the mutual relation of married persons : WEDLOCK c : the institution whereby individuals are joined in a marriage
2 : an act of marrying or the rite by which the married status is effected; especially : the wedding ceremony and attendant festivities or formalities
3 : an intimate or close union

So it is properly defined as marriage...actually

NAB3 · 30/10/2006 17:40

I confused myself too!!

I object to it being perceived as being the same as a marriage. If people want to have their gay relationship blessed as a cicil partnership, that is up to them, but I have always considered marriage to be between a man and a woman. I also don't think people who live together "as man and wife" should have the same rights as a married couple. If you want the rights, get married.

Piffle · 30/10/2006 17:42

or move to Scotland or New Zealand one of two countries I know of with decent rights for long term de facto couples.

Piffle · 30/10/2006 17:44

Also why should gay people be discriminated against legally for their sexuality?
it is fair that they should be able to have the same legal rights to secure their joint homes/children/ health issues.
Perhaps given the biblical opposition to homosexuality, sanctifying it in a church is a long way off, but a gay person in long term relationship for 20 yrs, who's partner dies and then they are left out of everything, is injustice IMHO

Cappuccino · 30/10/2006 17:47

I find it ironic that after gay people have campaigned for years to have the right to have their partnerships recognised as a form of empowerment, there are still women going on about how it oppresses them

Dottydot · 30/10/2006 17:49

ooh - can I do a , please?! NAB3 - Is it OK though that a gay couple who have had a civil ceremony are then entitled to all the same rights as a married couple - so, pension entitlements, inheritance tax, any benefits on the death of their partner etc? I think that's what you're saying - but you just object to the concept of the word marriage and all its traditional man + woman/religious connotations? That's fine with me, but a shame still for all the religious gay people out there who can't get married in a Church (yet) and have their relationship blessed in that way. As long as we all get the same legal rights I'm happy with that.

NAB3 · 30/10/2006 17:50

No problem with them getting pensions, etc. Just don't like it called a marriage.

Dottydot · 30/10/2006 17:51

Sorry - I'm aware this is becoming a thread hijack and the spirit of this thread and YG's previous thread was to raise awareness of the differences in entitlements between those who are married and those who aren't. Don't want that to be lost and this drift into a gay rights-type thread. I'll wander off now and find other threads to lurk on!

NAB3 · 30/10/2006 17:52

Sorry.

beckybraAAARGHstraps · 30/10/2006 17:52

So presumably you think there SHOULD be civil partnerships for different-sex couples then? Distinct from marriage.

NAB3 · 30/10/2006 17:54

Yes, I think it is wrong they are discriminated against, it just isn't the same as a man and woman getting married.

Piffle · 30/10/2006 17:56

dotty I thought that but it is topical and relevant as many people (gay and hetero) simply do not think of the bigger picture "what if" scenario. I always find it funny when people go all "marriage is so special" as I simply don't get it
I have always been flippant, dp has always joked about the house being paid off if he died.
Yeah but in dd's name - she is 4, and with inheritance tax
I spoke to him today and he was aghast, we simply never enquired.
YG might well go down as the marriage maker of MN in her own sweet way

beckybraAAARGHstraps · 30/10/2006 17:58

Um, I meant for heterosexual couples NAB. Not sure whether that's who you mean by "they".

drosophila · 30/10/2006 18:03

So if you are living happily together, have children together and have been with each other the WHY would you get married other than for the possible 'next of kin' issue or the financial loss issue?

'I married my husband because I love him and want to be with him forever. I also wanted to have children with him and would not have done that without being married. I was pleased to take his name, and didn't even conside not doing, it ' This statement interests me could you elaborate.
What does marriage really mean to you. How would you have dealt with a man who professed to love you but didn't want or couldn't get married? How important is the public statement to you?

Original poster
moaningpaper · 30/10/2006 19:33

"I married my husband because I love him and want to be with him forever."

This kind of statement just makes me want to throw my pants in the air and scream.

OP posts:
Piffle · 30/10/2006 19:35

WEtting myself at that image MP
I think you and I come from the same place, marriage speaking

Original poster
moaningpaper · 30/10/2006 19:35

I think that NAB3 is coming from this from a religious point of view - which is that christian "marriage" is a sacrament that can only be bestowed on a couple who are male and female because this is the (biological) family unit upon which procreation is built.

Really, the cultural/legal definition of marriage does not include this spiritual element.

However, I have a friend who is a priest in Canada and gay civil unions there are blessed in just the same way as straight 'marriages'. (There has been controversy about this recently and I'm not sure if he is still allowed to do it, but it has been going on for years.)

OP posts:
drosophila · 30/10/2006 19:40

I just think for some people marriage makes them feel different. For me that can work both ways and marriages can make you feel different in a bad way. Legal issues aside I really don't see the need for marriage. I am still thinking about the legal issues but from any other standpoint Marriage is not for me.

I find the comment about people who choose not to get married being immature as offensive.

Original poster
moaningpaper · 30/10/2006 19:43

Don't worry DrSoph

I think people who get married are just insecure

OP posts:
Original poster
moaningpaper · 30/10/2006 19:43

That was a joke btw

OP posts:
sunchowder · 30/10/2006 19:45

I am feeling rather vile today. This thread isn't helping.

Dottydot · 30/10/2006 19:48

(me again!) I just don't get why it's such a big deal - why some people are completely against getting married? If you can have a really low key 'do' at a register office, either personalise it or just get on and say a few words and then it's done, why not just do it if it means automatic entitlement to stuff that might come in handy? Why is it so scary/negative?

Original poster
moaningpaper · 30/10/2006 19:49

Dotty you need to read the thread Just what do you have against marriage?

Sunchowder: Would you like one of my UnWedding Favours?

OP posts:
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