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Original poster

Oh, b*gger, the annual sense of swimming uphill through custard descends on the Inferiority Complex

136 replies

motherinferior · 01/10/2006 11:02

It's probably seasonal. And/or hormonal. I certainly have bog-all to complain about: my children are NT, charming and stunningly beautiful (and DD1 leaves me notes saying 'Mum I love yoy xxxx'); my partner is really very nice, I suppose, and is finally solvent - indeed earns more than me now; my own work-life balance is broadly OK; my career, although not brilliant, is quite reasonable not least because I can now stop doing as many paid-by-the-day editing jobs I did, and work on a trade mag a couple of days a week. I have friends who'll babysit and/or can now afford paid options.

But it's still...custardly. And endless stream of the yellow stuff. I am simultaneously possessed by the urge to bog off from all of them for a weekend, and utter horror at the thought of leaving my delightful Inferiorettes. My career, although quite reasonable, is not brilliant. Sorting out babysitting is still sorting it out - it's very different from the kind of family support some people have - and in practice we just don't go out much. I'm fed up. In a somewhat wallowy way, of course. I want a sodding break.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 01/10/2006 11:03

And it's Autumn and the weather's cr*p.

PretendFriend · 01/10/2006 11:08

"my partner is really very nice, I suppose"

He will be thrilled.

ROFL.

littlerach · 01/10/2006 11:10

I htink the bogging off for a weekend is something that we all get the urge to do, but it is the overall loveliness of them that stops us.
And the very niceness of partners, I spose.

Neena28 · 01/10/2006 11:12

I know how you feel...

We are very similar, finances ok, dp helpful with kids, cooks, can and will change nappies etc. Ds is nt and doing well at school bar a bit of bullying which I think we have solved now. Dd is a pleasure. BUT I would loe to have some more me time and hate having to beg for any help at all with the kids from my family. So I have to save the 'favours' for when I want to go to a funeral etc rather than a nice time for dp and I once in a blue moon. We have a really shit time from dp's ex about his dd and have to battle with the csa everytime she contacts them. Have built ourselves a lovely house but never seem to get a chance to finish decorting it as work for ourselves so if I have quiet time when ds is at school and dd asleep I do payroll or vat etc.

I suppose it depends what you have doesn't it really. Grass is always greener etc. But I know what you mean I feel we never really progress much and that when we do something else pops it head up.

On the other hand a read through the active convos doesn't half put it into perspective.

meowmix · 01/10/2006 11:12

could you go away for a w/e with some friends? just you, no kids? I do a lifesaving girly weekend at least once a year for this very reason because I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I just think " is this it?" a bit too much...

am loving the vision of you bobbing gently in custard by the way,

Original poster
motherinferior · 01/10/2006 11:12

I should just bog, really, shouldn't I.

OP posts:
Finbar · 01/10/2006 11:15

can totally sympathise. I have had the urge to seriously Bog off this weekend and resign from Mummy job for two days. It must be the weather no?

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 01/10/2006 11:17

Go and have hotel sex in Barcelona with Twigs DH

WideWebWitch · 01/10/2006 11:21

Hello sweetie, sorry you're feeling like this, me too sometimes recently, as you know. I stropped out of the house yesterday and enjoyed a relaxing half an hour sitting in a lay by enjoying the peace of just traffic roaring by (but no children) And I felt better just for that tbh! Is dd1 old enough to get both of them downstairs and breakfasted at the weekend without interruption to you?

I think you should sod off for a weekend alone, can you? Or do you want a weekend away with dp? What's the main thing that's bothering you? Is it sleep/time/silence/work? Sympathy, anyway. xxx

foxinsocks · 01/10/2006 11:22

I think it's also the realisation that you'll probably be doing the same sort of things for at least the next few years (this has dawned on me fairly recently).

Original poster
motherinferior · 01/10/2006 11:24

I can sod off for a weekend alone, and/or inveigle a friend into it. Or DP and I could, actually, manage a night away together thanks to the very lovely mother of DD1's mate Aoife, who'll have both kids.

A lot of it's, you know, sorting it out. I yearn for someone to present me with a glorious Restful Option, as I have hinted not particularly subtly to the really very nice father of my children

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 01/10/2006 11:29

Could you say

"I want us to have a weekend away and I want YOU to sort it out please." ?

Thomcat · 01/10/2006 11:29

You funnu, funny woman. Great post. Most of these kinda posts make me want to scream, 'stop f'ing moaning, you've got a great life' you boire me, go and count your blessings'. BUT, you have managed to make me laugh and think to myself 'yeah, yeah I know what you mean'. I often use the uphill swimming custard line, once a week it seems. I didn't get a holiday this year, my back is buggerd from carrying my DD on my hip for 5 yeras and now I have another one to carry. My Dp although nice is useless but I love him but he winds me up with his crapness. I love my job but I earn bugger all. There's always something needs dooing and DP never does it I have to kick his arse repeatedly. .

So, where shall we go. Are you up for Ibiza?

Mine's a bit hormaonal too, that and other than last night only having 5 hours sleep a night.

You should go away. Get busy on it. And how about doung an evening course or something, or shall I stick that suggestion somewhere??!!

JackieNo · 01/10/2006 11:32

Some of it may well be seasonal - the days getting shorter etc. My DH (currently on ADs, so not affected by it quite so much now) used to dread this time of year, as he knew he'd start to get more and more depressed and withdrawn, coming to a head around Christmas.

Otoh, I also find myself wanting to get away from everything. I regularly find myself cleaning up the kitchen after supper, with everyone else in the sitting room watching TV, and if I go to put something out in the dustbin, think to myself 'I could just walk away now, and nobody would notice'. The freedom of the outside world is very tempting. But I always go back in again, because I don't know where I'd go, and I'm wearing slippers anyway, and people would give me funny looks.

bakedpotato · 01/10/2006 11:35

Oh yes. The life-sappingness of always being the one who Sorts Stuff Out. It is enough to put you off bothering.

However and this may not be at all relevant, are you sure DP isn't occasionally trying to pull his weight? It's just that yesterday DH did something very nice and thoughtful but I'm so stuck in the rut of assuming that he never does this sort of thing that I found it irritating, ie he'd gone off-schedule. I have since apologised.

It has made me wonder whether he's actually more proactive than I give him credit for -- whether I'm crushing this instinct out of him.

LOL at Jackie and her slippers.

meowmix · 01/10/2006 11:36

present very nice partner with 3 idyllic choices for night away. Makes it easy on the male brain and also means you get some element of suprise.

I always do this after the charming w/e booked as a suprise by my dh and spent in the leeds garforth hilton while it hosted a queen convention. It combined service station hospitality and catering with certified loons. Time slipped into a vortex making each queen song last for over an hour and then repeat...

meowmix · 01/10/2006 11:37

... its a kind of magic.... no, no really it isn't Freddie.... and you over there in the Bryan May wig, its not big and its not clever..

arf

Blackduck · 01/10/2006 11:38

Its the relantlessness of it all for me....just come back from a nice weekend in Hay on Wye - dp booked/arranged (but I still packed/unpacked/packed, cooked breakfast, tidied up the cottage as he read>..)...ds was reasonable (not too many tantrums)...but now I'm back and facing the thought of work tomrrow (and, of course, had to unpack bags etc)

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 01/10/2006 11:42

PMSL Meomix

Original poster
motherinferior · 01/10/2006 11:42

You're right, BP, weight is being pulled . Why d'you think I'm on here?

OP posts:
bakedpotato · 01/10/2006 11:44

Another suggestion: regularise the going-out together. Otherwise it feels too epic and panicky. Ie, every other Wed or Sat book sitter. Take it in turns to be in charge of what you're doing and to book table/tickets.
I don't do this actually we're not that bad at getting out but I have friends who were in a bit of a rut until they started this up; they say it's marvellous and has made a difference.
I find I only talk to DH properly when we're out of the house/away from telly/tidying up.

WideWebWitch · 01/10/2006 11:46

Agree with bp, it does become less of a deal the more often you do it. Sitters are brilliant.

Original poster
motherinferior · 01/10/2006 11:46

What d'you actually talk about? Is there enough conversation to keep flowing?

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 01/10/2006 11:49

ah MI I know the feeling. it's just wearing, isn't it? It doesn't help that my bf has just got a swanky new lecturing job and I seem to be stuck scraping dried food off a highchair three times a day.
bd's suggestion about a regular date sounds good

WideWebWitch · 01/10/2006 11:50

Well, there's the whinging about work, obviously, moving on to whinging about children, then a bit of whining about money. I'm joking, I can't even remember what we talked about last time we went out but it was 4 hours in a Chinese restaurant with wine and we had a good time. I'm racking my brains and I really can't remember what the hell we talked about but I know I laughed quite a bit. It's very easy for us to end up not having had a decent conversation all week though (if I get in from work at 7pm say).