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Original poster

Increasingly concerned at censorious PC parenting becoming the norm

142 replies

Twiglett · 30/09/2006 09:58

yes we all want to protect our children and make sure they're well rounded individuals

but where does our idea of what is right stop and our child's right to discover for themselves begin

obvioulsy there are certain boundaries of behaviour

but eg should a child be stopped from exploring physical play methods (a la cowboys and indians) because it doesn't fit with our ideal of a non-violent society

should a child not be allowed a Barbie because we feel it is a bad stereotype

what do you think?

OP posts:
schneebly · 30/09/2006 10:03

I think it is all a bit daft TBH - some kids are completely overprotected and will probably find the 'real world' difficult as they get older. I am all for children being children but that includes playing cowboys and indians if they want to. But then again that is coming from a mother whose children have toy laser guns and water pistols and camouflage trousers so maybe I am just scum!

WideWebWitch · 30/09/2006 10:04

there's nothing wrong with physical play imo but cowboys and indians is based on a certain version of history and doesn't really exist any more, does it? When I was growing up westerns were on tv often enough that we saw them, hence playing cowboys and indians - I'm not sure it would occur to this generation of children to play it would it? I won't have guns in the house but wouldn't stop play that involved them.

And I loathe Barbie with a passion mainly because a real woman wouldn't be alive with those proportions. I think there's enough vile depiction of women whereever you look in our world, FHM, The Sun etc etc and children (but especially girls) already grow up thinking it's ok to show women with their tits out in a newsagent, I don't really want my daughter to think Barbie is anything close to a normal woman. That being said I don't suppose I'd ban it if she wanted one, haven't had to deal with it yet as she's still on Baby Annabel. I do think it's ok to object to these things and actually, I don't think it is 'censorious PC parenting' I quite resent that actually.

lulumama · 30/09/2006 10:05

I think that we are so attuned to looking for the 'answers to parenting 'problems' in a book that we forget to trust our gut feelings and instincts - just read another thread -apparently breast milk rots babies teeth!!! WTF?? health scares, food scares etc make good news editorial- i think we all know in our hearts what is best for OUR babies - whether it's b/f or bottle., barbies for boys or tool kits for girls!! if our kids are happy, content and engaged with us and the world around them - who can say you've done a bad job because your 4 year pretended a stick was a bow & arrow????

WideWebWitch · 30/09/2006 10:06

I mean I wouldn't stop play that involved 'pow pow' or something, no I wouldn't stop play that involved guns because there aren't any in our house adn we're past that age now anyway with ds, he's just not interested in them any more

edam · 30/09/2006 10:08

Like 'censorious' but think it applies more on the food threads, tbh. Jamie Oliver did great things in attacking the industrialisation of school food but he also gave smug gits a great opportunity to sneer at those they consider beneath them.

Censorious also applies to any government pronouncement on parenting.

Dunno about cowboys and indians, ds is a bit young for it, but it'd be cowboys and native Americans round here! (Although the only native American I've ever spent much time with was happy to call himself an Indian, I think many people view it as a derogatory term. Anyway, I was too busy swooning to discuss politics - he was gorgeous.)

If I had a dd, I'd allow her to play with Sindy (gather she's been brought back) but not Barbie. Barbie's a tart. See, I can be censorious too.

NotABraBurningOtter · 30/09/2006 10:08

i dont think it is the norm maybe on mumsnet but bot in rl - far from it

Original poster
Twiglett · 30/09/2006 10:08

hey WWW .. the barbie example comes straight from me .. I don't allow them in the house... visibly shudder when I see them .. really can't see a use for them ..but they seem ubiquitous for 3 year old girls plus (and DD only 2.5)

cowboys and indians might have been a bad example .. maybe power rangers etc

OP posts:
SauerKraut · 30/09/2006 10:09

I believe there is a world of difference between a game of cowboys and Indians and deliberate violence, and that children who are allowed to play these things out-always within reasonable boundaries- can be less likely to indulge in deliberate nastiness than those who are denied this possibility. As regards stereotypes, I don't think young children are really aware of them unless we point them out, and they just have great fun dressing the Barbies etc.

hulababy · 30/09/2006 10:10

I wouldn't allow DD to have thinks like replica guns (she has water psitols) but anything obviosuly play stuff is fine by me. She has Barbie and loves it. She has other toys and plays with it happily as well.

I think we are starting to be too PC all the time with it. Afte all they are children - they don't look at the world like we do. They don't care about stuff. I think too often we put out our ideals and thoughts and project them onto our children.

I had Barbie and Sindy, etc as a child As a 5 foot tall, slightly over weight adult - no, I don't think Barbie has had much affect on my life as an adult.

hulababy · 30/09/2006 10:11

See, things like Barbie's a tart does make me LOL. She's a doll! Nothing more.

WideWebWitch · 30/09/2006 10:12

Oh, well, I couldn't care less about Power Rangers and Mutant Ninja turtles and the like, I just can't get worked up about it. I loathe Barbie too, I WISH there was an alternative 'real' doll, is there?

Food I can get worked up about and I resent the idea that anyone who doesn't feed their child crap gets branded as smug, what a victory for the processed/junk food industry that is. Jamie Oliver was talking on Jonathon Ross last night about a woman who was giving a ONE year old Coca Cola in a bottle, now that, I think, is being a crap parent, one year olds do not need Coke.

schneebly · 30/09/2006 10:14

agree WWW. I may be blase about some things but giving a one year old coke in a bottle is disgusting.

SauerKraut · 30/09/2006 10:14

And the more you deny ds a gun, the more he makes out of lego, or the more he stands at traffic lights shooting each car with his umbrella as it passes! The less I mention these things at all, the less he thinks about wanting them. When he's older, he'll realise the full horror of these things for himself. For now, it's just a game.

moondog · 30/09/2006 10:14

I agree Lulu with our lack of confidence and faith in childcare gurus.
Did you see that helmet advertised on here the other day to avoid a baby cracking their head??

Interview with Blashford-Snell (Operation Raleigh bloke) yesterday in Telegraph,lamenting rising insurance premiums and H&S issues that stop kids being physically stretched.He reckons inevitavly that energy will be released in unaccetable forms elsewhere.

I agree.

SauerKraut · 30/09/2006 10:15

And as for power rangers etc, I just believe there are so many better things for them to get excited about.

hulababy · 30/09/2006 10:16

I heard that last night too WWW. I was impressed with the way he dealt with it - eaving it up to the audience to decide by keeping it in the programme(missed programme sadly).

Carmenere · 30/09/2006 10:16

Parenting imo is about making daily judgement calls and your ideas and perameters change daily. Hands up here who is raising your child exactly how you thought you would before they were born??I'd imagine that would be no one then

I have no idea as to how I am going to deal with the myriad of different things that parenting my dd throws up at me(sometimes literally). I will just have to figure those things out as it happens.
Basically it is my opinion that there are no expert parents, PC or not, all we can do is our best.

I loved playing with Barbies(well Sindy's actually). Theroetically I agree with you about them, they are a bad idea, but I reckon that I'm the female role model that is going to have more influence on my dd, as my mother was on me.

PinkTulips · 30/09/2006 10:17

i've got to say i find barbie alot less objectionable than bl*#dy Bratz..... so big boobs are a problem but its ok to tell kids they need diamond jewelery and hot tubs to be happy?

either way, i don't belive in banning things. i grew up playing with toy guns and i'm not violent and detest guns now. i grew up playing with barbies and i don't have body image problems or think i have to be anorexic with big boobs to be attractive.

adults take these toys too literally. they'te designed to play with, not to make kids think ina certain way or behave a certain way.

and yes, if dd asks for them she can have bl*#dy Bratz! [shudder]

moondog · 30/09/2006 10:18

Yess WWW.That enrages me.
I don't want my kid to eat crap,ergo am smug holier than though type.

Eh?????

flashingnose · 30/09/2006 10:18

For me, it's about having the courage to let our children discover the "right" answer for themselves. I had Sindys as a child and realised all by myself as a teenager that she was a pretty poor representative of normal women. I'm not sure whether my Mum sitting down and explaining to me aged 6 or whatever why I couldn't have one would have had the same effect tbh.

WideWebWitch · 30/09/2006 10:18

Just hada quick look for an alternative to Barbie and found baglady Barbie

Carmenere · 30/09/2006 10:19

Agree with PT re Bratz - yeuch, but I don't think they will interfere with the values I am trying to instil into my child.

hulababy · 30/09/2006 10:20

LOL, agtree about Bratz. Much rather DD had a room full of Barbie, Sindy and Disney Princesses than a dreaded Bratz. At the moment she thinks Bratx are horrid and ugly (phew) - dreading the day she might change her mond! But wouldd I ban it? No, of course not. Okay they are ugly and horrible to me, but then I don't want to lay with them and join in with my friends.

hulababy · 30/09/2006 10:22

I also agree thatDD has far more REAL female (and male) role modelsa in her life than Barbie and Ken - I don't think a couple of dolls will really have any affect on her future life. It hasn't to anyone I know who grew up with them.

Does anyone know anyone truely affected by growing up with Barbie dolls?

SauerKraut · 30/09/2006 10:23

If you as a parent have a problem with something and you ban it, explaining the reason to the child, I see that as responsible, not censorious or PC for PC's sake. I do this with toys and food- they accept it because they can see it's because I'm thinking hard about what's good for them and not because I'm following some fad or listening to some guru. I do believe in explanations, though.