Increasingly concerned at censorious PC parenting becoming the norm

[Twiglett]

yes we all want to protect our children and make sure they're well rounded individuals

but where does our idea of what is right stop and our child's right to discover for themselves begin

obvioulsy there are certain boundaries of behaviour

but eg should a child be stopped from exploring physical play methods (a la cowboys and indians) because it doesn't fit with our ideal of a non-violent society

should a child not be allowed a Barbie because we feel it is a bad stereotype

what do you think?

Its so good to see some sensible comments coming out on this thread.

For me, HumphreyCushion hit the nail on the head when she said "Advice and Judgement are not the same thing".

Some people on some forums give their advice so harshly, it really does come across as judgement, which immediately puts me off them and from then on I can't take anything else they say seriously.

absolutely agree with fatfox and the disappearing of extended families etc

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

I think it is also to do with the fact that we are bombarded by different forms of media, T.V, book, radios, magazines etc about the best way to parent. We are told we must do this that and the other. We have lost the ability to trust our insincts and because fewer and fewer peole have experience of childrearing as children, eg with younger sibs, cousins, neighbours etc when we have our own kids we haven't got a clue.

I do too question everything, and I actually am queen of doubt. I don't like the fact that kids are bombarded by advertisement 24/7 and that they are supposed to have so many needs (material ones), etc etc. I also think that make-believe is a v. important part of their play. I don't mind if they do it with a piece of wood, a barbie, a playmobil, a plastic baby doll, a paper doll, lego, or whatever. True, I'm more apprehensive about toys that weren't really around when I was a child, things like playstation.

The media has far too much influence IMO. Newspapers just tout the views of the editors or whichever political party they happen to be backing at that point in time. I'm always amazed when people just swallow what they read in the papers without questioning whether its true, or questioning the motives of the author/editor. My Mum is always saying "well I read in the newspaper, blah blah..." drives me up the frigging wall

Likewise people seem to swallow the advice of "parenting gurus", some of whom have never even been parents themselves.

Also we get offered loads of advice about birthing, but nil about what happens after the birth. I remember when I had problems BFding, having to spend ages on the internet to try and find some advice. BFing is a lost art IMO (like knitting ), due to the fact that we no longer have the support of older women in our families, who should be able to teach us stuff like that.

Saying that though, families can also be a very unhealthy influence as well sometimes, but that's a whole other debate...

I personally hated barbie and dolls in general when I was a kid. I was a tomboy who played Cowboy and Indians (what does that make me?) and other rough games with my two brothers.

I did ask for barbies, and got one although my parents didn't like them either, when i saw all the other girls at school having them.But I found them boring and only played with them rarely.

Boys toys are often much more fun than dollies aren't they? I used to cut all my dolls hair off and pierce their ears!

so did I!!! and I secretely thought Barbie was stupid. All she cared was clothes and all she did was having baths and go up and down her lift in the pink house... . I swear I am not making this up.

I don't know if there's one, my DD is too small so I haven't researched the market, but they should make a 'doll' that DOES interesting things. not just stands there and looks pretty.

I loved to play rough too, I was a great skate boarder and quite good at climbing trees etc. but again I also loved to play with barbies and dolls. but my barbies didn't confine themselves to the pink house though (I too found the accessories like the car and bathtub v. boring) , they were up to lots and lots of other stuff. sometimes they played family, some other they were students, I also remember a time when they were victims of an earthquake....
fatfox, absolutely with you about support of the family, my mum for instance didn't bf at all (but mil did and she was v. helpful).

my mum didn't either. it came quite as a shock actually as I imagined myself being brestfed for ages!! MIL did for a good year apt and she was also good support, but then again she's been great all along.

Ideally I want to parent by example and let the DCs make their own decisions with regard to toys, stories and TV (within sensible boundaries, I loathe Dora the bloody Explorer but DCs like it so I let them watch it. But DD (nearly 5) has expressed interest in Dr Who and mummy isn't having that until she's at least 7!!).

My DD has my old horse-riding Sindy and likes it. She has also been given My Scene (?) dolls that just wear awful clothes and she thinks they're boring (hooray!). She does have a Bratz doll - eek - and loves pulling it's shoes off and plugging them in backwards - so I think she regards it more along the lines of Mr Potato than a 'Tartz'

Agree fatfox about boys toys, especially in the 70's. Action man had 'eagle eyes', moving limbs and some had voice boxes. It was ages before they made a moveable joints girls doll.

AND boys had electric trainsets, spud guns and steam engines that run on METHS! Bloody brilliant. My parents only bought 'gender-specific' toys so I'm glad I had a brother. (Shit, I don't say that very often )

I can't stand dora the bloody explorer too! luckily now ds has discovered scooby doo.

I don't have a problem with Bratz or Barbie or Sindy (apart from the fact that they don't seem to do a decent pilot Barbie or Sindy!) My LO likes dressing them up then using them in stories that she makes up about them.

I don't see how they are worse than giving a girl a baby doll - does this mean that she should feel that it's her sole aim in life to have a baby when she's older?

Bratz have diamondz - I have diamonds - my LO knows that she can't just clap her hands & a magical parcel will appear with diamond jewellery from a shop for nothing! Likewise she knows that just because she has a couple of Bratz it doesn't mean that she will necessarily get the house, bus, more dolls etc.

I do think in some instances society seem to be too controlling. OK within reason - so it's reasonable not to let a 12 yr old watch a 15 movie, but I think some instances control is OTT.

have to say that a brand that uses the word "spaz" is not some thing that I would like in my house

excuse my ignorance of the language, what is spaz?

it is a rude term for a spastic as in someone with cerable palsey. kids mainly use in name calling
seems Americans use it freely have to admit I don't know why but as a parent of a child with cerable palsey I find it extremely offensive

my barbies certainly didn't stand there looking pretty, they used to have adventures in my garden, do gymnastics in my bedroom visit castle greyskull and have dinner with he man.
TBH I believe if you are over cencorious with your kids toys you don't have enough belief in the rest of your parenting skills and don't give your children enough credit for being able to ascertain what is real and what isn't. All this pc bollocks makes me think that people misplace their judgement on childhood and spend too much time analysing things which simply do not need to be analysed. I also think it breeds smug children who believ they are better for not having barbies etc because they can see the pitfalls of having one whilst the rest of the kids are just happy playing and couldn't really give a shite.

When potential ILs were in USA they saw a "spastic hospital" - it was actually called that on the sign outside so I guess it's not an offensive term to them - different countries & all that.

did your barbie have and love afair with action man as my borrowed one did (have never understood why i didn't have one)

it is v. offensive 2shoes.
quadro, my barbies were the same, they also hang around a lot with big jim (he was like an action man, with a steady arm to do karate), who wasn't as tall as they were, but had more sex appeal than ken....