What is the WORST cleaning job that having kids measns?

[Crunchie]

I have just had to do my least favourite job, cleaning the bath after the baby has pooed in it It has to tbe the worst job ever. Actually I think the worst one of all thime was having two kids in the bath and one let loose with a bout of diareoah Yuk. Grabbing both kids into towels, emptying and bleaching the bath, refilling it, adding kids, washing two manky towels, bleaching assorted bath toys and getting them in bed

The "poo" stories remind me of last October when we were on holiday in South Africa - ds was 13 months old. We'd spent a lovely day at the "Cape Wine Guild" Sports Day (we sort of gatecrashed it - long story). I played boules while dh played golf. Ds was kept occupied by a combination of me plus the waiting staff (the Africans LOVE babies - and also hate letting them cry, even though I know he always cries before he goes down for his day time naps). He probably didn't have the most healthy of diets during the day - crisps, biscuits, fruit and more milk than normal - trying to encourage him to have his nap (but being sabotaged by well meaning staff!).

Anyway, we ended up staying for the evening dinner, prize giving and wine auction, as dh had ended up winning both the team and the individual golf competition.

After the prize giving (fortunately) and just before the auction, I noticed that ds's ATP (posh black 3 wheeler) seemed to be dripping brown stuff. On closer inspection, he had had the MOST explosive and copious crap - which had gone EVERYWHERE. I had to wheel him urgently through to the Ladies, with a hiss to dh saying "I need your help!". We had to strip ds down and dh washed him in the sink, while I tried to use loo paper to clean up his buggy. It was awful! (Fortunately no ladies came in while we were both in there).

He had a "Touch and Feel" Pets Buggy Buddy wee book which I had to just throw away - all the "fur" had gone brown!

By the time we had finished cleaning up ds and the buggy (a major exercise!), the wine auction had finished. Dh was most pissed off!

The black fabric of the ATP has never been the same!

Didn't know where else to post this. LOL at all your messy disasters have had one or two myself, vomit in the car seat, pee in the car seat etc. Last night's disaster was more embarrassing than messy. We were at some friends' house and their DD and my DS (both just over 3) were having a bath together and myself and my friend were sitting chatting just a couple of metres away. Next thing her DD was asking for my DS to get out the bath, when we took a closer look in the bath there were bits of poo floating around on the bottom! When we asked who had done the poo in the bath her DD said it was my DS and my DS just agreed! I couldn't believe it I have never been so mortified in all my life, he was little more than a baby last time he did a poo in the bath, never mind this time, supposidly toilet trained and with someone else's child in with him. My friend was very understanding but I don't suppose she will be in a rush to suggest we put them both in the bath again!!!

Didn't know whether to post this in the "devoted mother" thread or here. But anyway, here it is...
On Tuesday evening, dd2 decided to swallow a coin (denomination unknown....as yet). Dh took her to the hospital - when faced with hospital or sick-clearing-up, he said "I'll get my coat". They X-rayed her, and could see the coin v. clearly in her tummy (rather than stuck in her throat, which was the worry). They informed dh that it would come out in time the natural way, gave him sone rubber gloves, and told him that we should "check her stools" to make sure it appears.
So today she poos for the first time since the incident, and I'm not joking, it was the most massive amount of poo I've ever seen in one nappy (I knew there was a good reason she isn't potty-trained yet - but that's another thread), so I donnned my rubber glove and delved in. Well, it was as disgusting as you would imagine! I'd given her grapes and beans (amongst other things), to speed the process, and there they were staring me in the face. Having been a mum for 5 years, I thought I was quite used to poo and dealing with it. But searching through it with my fingers..... And the worse thing is - the coin wasn't there! So I've got to do it all again tomorrow....
I'm off to eat some chocolate....or maybe not!

Fed up with cleaning everything from my (pre-kids)
cream (ouch! but washable) jacquard print sofa, am now replacing with a brown leather one which will hopefully be vomit & all friendly!!

LOL, Emsiewill! An oft-told story in my childhood was the day my sister swallowed the key to my brother's clockwork train, to prevent him playing with it. My mum had to do the same as you but my brother refused to use the key again, hee hee!

And I remember vividly the day my little sister jumped off the potty mid-poo and ran off, while I, age 9, ran after her and caught the poo in my bare hands! Yuck.

And more recently: last week dh went to get ds (19m) up in the morning, and found that he had vomited in the night and continued to sleep in it. Every single thing in the cot was sodden. It's surprising how difficult it is to wash vomit out of hair. We have proved to ourselves the old saying "It's different when it's your own child." But, just to put the crown on things, that night the inlaws were coming to stay - and ds's bedroom is also the guest room!

Have only just admitted this to my family but when my brother was about 3 and I was about 6 we came down one morning, when everyone else was asleep, and found the dog had had an accident in the poo department. My brother did not see a large deposit on the kitchen lino and stood smack bang in the middle of it. I being resourceful found a tupperware cereal bowl, filled it with water and made him place his foot in it to wash it. I remember his foot fit really well. Then I rinsed the bowl in cold water and put it back in the cupboard, making a mental note never to have my cereal out of the green bowl again (we had blue, green, lilac and yellow). No-one ever died of poisoning. Family were opened mouthed with disgust when finally announced this act at Christmas.

Thought I would dig this one up again. Last night I left DS1 & 2 with DH and my mum for an hour. DS2 8 weeks and is breastfed, he only does a poo once every 3/4 days, sometimes once a week, I left a bottle of expressed milk for him. Whilst I was away my mum was giving DS2 the bottle while she sat in the armchair. He took a break from the bottle and started to smile beautifully at my mum and DH who was looking on. They were both thrilled to bits with the lovely smiles until they both smelt something. My DH was saying, strange smell of butter round here and my mum was commenting about a yoghurt smell, but they were still getting the lovely smiles. My mum looked down to see two rivers of poo escaping from the sides of DS2's short all in one short suit he was wearing, all over the armchair and down my mum's legs! DS1, aged 3 1/2, apparently then went hysterical and my dad arrived at the door and thought someone had been murdered. When I returned I had the biggest laugh I have had in ages!

Unfortunately mind you just checked the house insurance and we are not covered for accidental damage so I just hope the carpet cleaner man can get it out.

I'm laughing so much it hurts

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I had a horrible cleaning job recently - my own silly fault carrying a potty full of wee and poo with one hand... I knocked it on the door frame as I went past on my way to the loo... It flew out of my hand, the contents and bowl going separate ways mid-air, finally landing a metre or so in front of me, splashing wee up the walls and doors, as well as on the vinyl floor, and the poo landed right in the doorway of dd's room (carpeted of course). At this ds started crying and screaming (he had wanted to flush said contents of course) and I had to try to calm him down as well as leaping over puddles to try to clean it up, plus dd was in the bath and wanted to get out to "have a look"! Nightmare!!!

My dd has just decided that she is going to be helpful and empty her potty herself. Yesterday evening she had a poo, then emptied it into the loo - or rather over the loo, smeared all over the seat and dripping down the outside as well as the inside. I dutifully cleaned it all up, including her bum - then two minutes later she had another poo and did the same thing all over again. I had one of those 'Oh god, is this really my life?' moments

Yeuch!! My d.d, almost 5, had an ongoing problem (now, thankfully resolved) with constipation. Eventually, after many months, she became so blocked that we had to go to hospital and see a specialist. The doctor decided my d.d needed an enema (sp?) immediately. The results were obvious, but I hadn't realised that they would be so long lasting!! After 60 mins in the hospital bathroom, we felt safe to get into the car with a pair of pull-ups, but hadn't counted on repeat performance of gushing poo all over the car seats. My poor d.d. was so traumatised that she then started to vomit! I was on my own in the car, on the motorway, with a screaming child, sh*t everywhere and vomit streaming down the windows!! Not one of my better days

And the worst thing was she had another 2 appointments for later on in the week for the same thing, although forewarned is forearmed and fortunately, only the initial treatment had such dramatic results!

About a month ago my 20 mo old decided he wanted his diaper off which was full of poo at the time. I was in the bathroom and when I came out he was sitting there playing in it. It was all over the carpet, down his legs, in his hand and between his fingers. What an awful thing to have to clean up.

Sometimes I think my son's accidents in the bottom department are sweetly endearing.

My toddler is having a nap on the sofa next to me. He is deeply in the land of nod. Five minutes ago I glanced down and saw a stream of wee coming out of his trouser leg. I mopped up the puddle on the floor, and moved his dangling leg back on the sofa. His eyelids did not even flicker. Even if he had woken up, he would have shrugged off his trousers without a care in the world.

It took me just 1 min and a quick squirt of fabric shampoo to clear up. No real hassle. I just enjoy thinking of him being so contented, innocent and unselfconscious. He's nearly three. In only a year or two, the same accident would make him feel far more upset.

Not really a cleaning job, but relevant for this thread. My dh took the girls to a Wacky Warehouse type place, and dd2 needed a poo. He took her to the Gents, and there was only one cubicle which was occupied by "a man who had eaten many meat pies" (his description) As this was very early in her toilet days, he stood close by, urging her on as she strained. The poo plopped into the toilet, and from the gap between her legs, a large drop of water splashed straight into his mouth! How delighted he was! How dd2 loves to tell this story to everyone she meets!

LOL Emsiewill

LOL! Oh dear, what have our lives come to??!

Anyway, time to launch into my story...

For our anniversary we always go back to the hotel we had our wedding night in. It costs and arm and a leg and we could probably have a week in Europe for the same money but never mind... We took DS 1 & 2 with us last year and DS2 was 4 months old and fully breastfed at the time. We had a fantastic suite, spread over 2 floors in a tower. Antique looking sofas, posh soft furnishings... you get the picture. So, I'm sitting cross legged on a sofa with DS2 on my lap when I begin to feel a bit warm in my nether regions - look down to see that bright mustard BF poo bubbling out of the back of DS2s nappy, all over my shorts and onto the sofa. I rushed him down to the bedroom to change him, got it all over the towels and then put him on the bed... On the nice, pristine, fresh white cotton sheeted bed... Yes, you've guessed it! So, I changed him again, stripped the bed and then had to explain to reception that DS2 had had a "nappy nightmare" and we needed a compete change of linen. When we came back from a day out, the bedding and towels had all been changed. I didn't have the courage to confess about the sofa - a packet of baby wipes sorted that out!

Needless to say, we felt obliged to leave a large tip for the maid

Wow - all your stories have made me feel sooooo much better!!! The first day that I broght my DD home from hospital I decided to share a family bath with her and DH - we all got in and she promptly did a huge poo - it all floated to the top like luminous mustardy yellow algae bloom. Every time I get in the bath now I can?t help but remember and shudder a little. Nothing compared with what some of you guys have been through but bad enough. The combination of little bits of baby poo and baby oil sticking to my skin will be with me for a long time to come...DH has never shared a bath with either of us since.

This is gross but this am did a particulary hideous nappy on ds. Later on I snagged one of my false nails - tried to bite it off and , guess what? got a great taste of sh*t from under the nail .... Moral of this story - wash my hands properly

(WHAT ARE WE DOING TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF?)

MABS THAT IS GROSS!!!

Isn't it awful when you get it on your fingers, it doesn't matter how much you scrub but the smell still lingers!

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Mabs, You cracked me up.