Calling all Townies: Remind me why I don't want to live in the country?

[MrsGrump]

DH & I always said we wanted to live in town/city, have good access to services, not have to own a car... but hacked off with high house prices for no space, hacked off with all negative feedback at work & lack of childcare, and toying with fantasy of chucking work in, buying a big house in a coastal village...Please talk me out of this? I don't want to live miles from anywhere, crazy too-fast drivers on tiny roads, no facilities, have to own and maintain a car... er, must be more than that against it.

erk, I shouldn't be reading this as we're mid move to a tiny village (no shop, 2 pubs) from relatively civilised (numerous restaurants, London a short train ride away) suburbia. In fact I think I'll go now (fingers in ears, la la la)...

Oh no, have just read ks' reply and agree with it all. What on earth am I doing?

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Oh MrsGrump, I'm yer woman! I crapped on about it here which was interesting for me to read back just now, having made the move back to a city. I'm glad we did it, it was totally the right thing for us. OK, updated list of why not to live in the country

• It's a PITA to get things. Supermarkets can be miles away/crap. Took me months to find somewhere that sold Maldon salt. But this may not matter to you.
• Consider what's there for your children as they get older. Will they be bored/stranded or will you be a taxi service?
• You will have to have a car, without doubt. Rural transport is shockingly awful ime.
• Forget home shopping delivery in some places. Depends on where you live, obviously.
• Ditto take aways, other home delivered services
• Can be narrow minded attitudes. I heard some racist/sexist/homophobic remarks of the type that I haven't heard in a long time
• You can lose your anonymity, which is a good thing in that everyone knows everyone and it can feel very caring, close knit etc but may piss you off when people look in your shopping basket and ask you if you're having a party because you're buying 3 bottles of wine (this happened to me)

But yes, you'd get a huge house, fresh air, nice walking territory and, er, that's it. But this is all IMHO of course. I do have moments when I miss the countryside but it always passes and hey, we can visit it if we want to, I just don't want to live there atm.

As a country-born person (til I was 19) to a city dweller for past 17 years, I'll tell you why city living is better IMO (I may repeat ks a bit):

-there is so much more to do
-you can walk far more, aren't reliant on a car
-public transport is better
-you get crime and drug problems everywhere
-good social mix

As I live right in London (not sure where you are), we have all the advantages of not just a city, but a capital city which has a phenomenal amount to offer.

A few years back, dh was offered a job in Dorset. I was pg for the first time and thought it may be a great time to leave London. Anyway, we made a list of pros and cons of staying/going. London won. I can honestly say I have NEVER regretted staying despite the bad press London gets for bringing up children. We visit the grandparents in Hampshire and Lincolnshire, have a lovely time in the country, but are pleased to come home. Do you know what dd dislikes most about semi-rural living? Its not the lack of shops, museums, places to visit. Its the fact that if we want to go anywhere (other than the village shop), we have to get in the car first.
HTH

I took so long to write that and post the link that ks said it all for me. Gosh, and I'd forgotten The Telegraph readers

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The noise.

Seriously,for 28 years I lived in a tiny village with no shop,church & for a while,no pub.When we reluctantly had to move to a town,I was worried about what it would be like.The thing that astounded me is how quiet urban areas are at night.We used to lie in bed at night,unable to sleep because it was TOO quiet.

I had grown up on a farm, hearing vixens screaming,owls hooting,cockerels crowing,sheep baaing-especially during lambing,cows bawling all night.And don't get me started on the everlasting barking dogs.We always used to laugh when people told us they had moved to the village for 'peace & quiet'.

Even so,I would move back to the sticks in a heartbeat.Sadly,along with all the other village kids I grew up with,we can't afford to buy a house there now.I still can't get used to the anonymity of towns.

A big house in a castal village would cost a fortune.

I'm with cod. We moved from London to a very rural area- but live in the centre of a city. No need to commute- dh walks to work and can make meetings etc when I need him to (like tomorrow- no way could he have done that in London).

Walk to the sea (can see it from my kitchen window). 20 minute drive to the moors. shops (inlcuding take aways, somerfield, bookshop) 5 minutes walk away.

I like th half way house- like cod.

the food

I was brought up in a small village (8 miles from nearest town) and hated it. My Mum didn't drive and my Dad worked away a lot so we spent loads of time and money on unreliable public transport just to get the basics because there wasn't much choice in the village. Everyone knew everyone, knew your business etc.

Now I live in a town and love it. Everything is just a short walk away. Things that were a big deal for my Mum to do whilst I was growing up I can do with my two at the drop of a hat, if we decide to go swimming for example it's just a case of packing a bag and going.

Love the anonimity too.

How about the other way round - why would you want to move to the city from semi-rurality?

Like one or two others we're currently living on the edge of a country town, but my boss (in London) can't understand why I won't either move there or settle for a 5-hour daily commute, because "surely everyone would rather be in the city where there's more going on". Conversely I can't understand why anyone would want to live in London. And ne'er the twain shall meet (which is why I shall probably ultimately give up this job when the final "move or else" ultimatum comes).

Never mind the North-South divide, are we a nation divided between town and country, or does anyone actually think they'd be equally happy with either?

Mrs G, you live in Norwich, don't you? I grew up there and whizzed back on Saturday to see my parents. OK, so back when I was a lass Norwich was much more rural (I was a grownup before I realised that most towns don't have tractors driving through, and kids in my sixth form came from outlying villages where the main recreation was the Young Farmers Disco)but honestly love, no, you don't want anything more countrified. I'm with KS. Or more, since I'm now firmly ensconsed in London!

hehe the tractors. my friend who lived in Ramsey, drove his car into a ditch. it made me laugh when he said they jsut went to find a tractor and towed it out. you'd never find a tractor round here!!

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Well, I like living out of town. Away from all the identikit houses on modern estates and the claustrophobia. I live half a mile from the New Forest Boundary, a 15-20 mins drive from the gym, 20-25 minutes from West Quay shopping centre in Southampton, 20 mins from a choice of 3 supermarkets (which lets face it are usually out of town), nice restaurants are abundant (it being the New Forest)......, 35 minutes from the Coast. The distances involved are around 15-25 miles but I live not far from a motorway junction (4 miles) so it doesn't take long to get anywhere.

Okay, so I have to drive everywhere - but big deal! Worth it IMO. Also light pollution in the city meant that I seldom saw a decent night sky, now every night is a starry night. Plus I get partridges, deer and rabbits visiting my garden.

Oh and the people in the village shop and post office are friendly rather than surly

I'm with Cod on this one. I live in a small market town - the only thing is that you do need to have a car but otherwise everything we need is here within walking distance, supermarkets (one soon to change to a Waitrose), swimming pools, decent schools, sports facilities, library etc. We are two minutes walk from a cow field but only half an hour's drive to Milton Keynes for decent shopping, theatre, 50 minute train from London etc. etc.
So you can have the best of both worlds.

I think people in cities are more open-minded. If you are black, gay, not married, an older mum...whatever, live in London and nobody will bat an eyelid, in fact, you'll probably live next door to someone just like you. Lots for kids to do - toddler groups, softplay, theatre - and for older kids too. Buses to go everywhere. Things to do in the evening even in winter when it is dark. Good shops, ice-rinks, friends who live two streets away who can come round for dinner and get as drunk as you do

I think people in cities are more open-minded. If you are black, gay, not married, an older mum...whatever, live in London and nobody will bat an eyelid, in fact, you'll probably live next door to someone just like you. Lots for kids to do - toddler groups, softplay, theatre - and for older kids too. Buses to go everywhere. Things to do in the evening even in winter when it is dark. Good shops, ice-rinks, friends who live two streets away who can come round for dinner and get as drunk as you do

lots of drugs in pretty country town IME.

Much more so than London for teenagers unless you are at really vile inner city school

Nothing for them to do when they are teenagers but mooch around and smoke pot

living in the country isn't totally awful, it depends what you really want out of life..

I spent 18 years living in towns, lived in a few more and have now lived in a country place for over 5 years..yes, it is not in the middle of a town, you have to drive 3 miles to the major shops, if you are a teenager it must be boring yes!...however, the houses are on estates with other people, there is likely to be a local pub, shop where you are likely to get to know everyone...think the sense of community is there in a village which in a town is just not...btw even though lived in a town when growing up, still had to be driven to clubs, societies etc and it was so noisy..ie.they're both good in different ways...btw where do you REALLY WANT TO LIVE? (if there were no restrictions regarding house prices etc)...go on a bit but as you can see think countryliving is so healthy and communityee!...hope been a little helpful

living in the country isn't totally awful, it depends what you really want out of life..

I spent 18 years living in towns, lived in a few more and have now lived in a country place for over 5 years..yes, it is not in the middle of a town, you have to drive 3 miles to the major shops, if you are a teenager it must be boring yes!...however, the houses are on estates with other people, there is likely to be a local pub, shop where you are likely to get to know everyone...think the sense of community is there in a village which in a town is just not...btw even though lived in a town when growing up, still had to be driven to clubs, societies etc and it was so noisy..ie.they're both good in different ways...btw where do you REALLY WANT TO LIVE? (if there were no restrictions regarding house prices etc)...go on a bit but as you can see think countryliving is so healthy and communityee!...hope been a little helpful

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