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Original poster

I have a dilema..... What would you do??

87 replies

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 11:58

Have been invited to go to Germany with a group of friends early tomorrow morning. Same sort of thing as when I went to France a couple of months ago. The plan is to be back Tuesday night and as long as we run on scedual its doable.

But, DS1 has his first day at school on Wednesday. Which is fine as long as I get home Tuesday night but if there are any delays (ie, the ferry is delayed, the car breaks down, I get arrested...) then I risk not being back in time for his first day. His dad will still be home to take him but surely his mom should be there too?

I would really like to go to Germany though. Ive never been before, will be going to Munich.

So...

How important is it that Mummy is there on the first day of school? Would you risk going on the off chance that you might get delayed? Would you not go at all? Would you go and think sod it!?

OP posts:
BudaBabe · 09/09/2006 12:01

Wouldn't go I'm afraid. Germany will always be there but your DS's first day of school will not be repeated. And he will need you around coming up to it too as he may be nervous/excited etc.

And knowing you it would not go to plan!!!!

LIZS · 09/09/2006 12:02

I think I'd leave it - there may be other opprotunities to go to Munich but no second chance of your ds' first day. it is the anticipation too, you'll want to get him organised on Tuesday. Munich is a long way by road too, you'll spend most of the time travelling.

mazzystar · 09/09/2006 12:02

Tamba...remember last time....you don;t want to be in a German nick on DS first day

alexsmum · 09/09/2006 12:03

no i wouldn't go either. he may be nervous tuesday night and need his mum to reassure him and you HAVE to be there for first day of school.
part of being a parent unfortunately is curtailing our social lives.

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 12:39

You wouldnt go? Bugger. Was hoping you would all say go!

He will be with his dad Tue night (all week from tonight actually)

OP posts:
HRHQueenOfQuotes · 09/09/2006 12:42

I'd go - but then I'm a callous b*tch - DH has been to lots of DS1's 'important' first at school instead of me because of my shifts..........

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 12:51

Hmmm thinking about it there have been lots of times when H has missed 'firsts' due to working and this hasnt made him any the less of a parent or affected Ds in anyway.... And I might not even miss it, I should be back in time.

OP posts:
HRHQueenOfQuotes · 09/09/2006 12:54

I (personally) think it's nice when DH's/DP's can be able to witness some of the important 'firsts' (which IMO are quickly forgotten in a few years time LOL) so much is made of "MUM" witnessing them - but what about the dad's - don't they deserve to see them too.

I think that as long as you won't be totally gutted about missing if ("if" you are delayed - which in likelyhood you won't be) you should go.

I'm one of those people that hate living with "what ifs".........

southeastastra · 09/09/2006 12:56

i would go you'll probably be back in time. and he will be with his dad

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 12:57

I wont be totally gutted about missing it, I mean, of course I would like to see it but its not the end of the world if I dont iyswim. DS isnt too bothered about it either really I dont think, although that might be because he hasnt quite realised yet. Kids will be with H anyhow so wont expect to see me for a few days.

OP posts:
Scoobydooooo · 09/09/2006 13:00

I would not go but then thats just my mothering instincts i could not miss my childs first day at school BUT your probably be back in time anyway?

LIZS · 09/09/2006 13:00

I missed ds' first day at preschool due to being in hospital having just had dd and felt completely out of the mums' circle for a while.

MrsApronstrings · 09/09/2006 13:04

my question would be can you switch off from the back to school thing and really enjoy it? because if you're going to be anxious, wondering if you should be there its just a waste of money.

the significance of this type of day is really what you make it...parents videoing their lo wlking up the school path, a few photos before you set off, or more like when we were children and most of us (I think) just started! Its about how your child will feel - if supported by his dad i would guess he'll feel fine....and of course you expect to be back

I wouldn't go but I'm a complete wuss about these things -

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 09/09/2006 13:06

LOL LIZS - I still feel mostly out of the mums circle.......but then most of the mums knew each other as a lot of the children that go to DS1's school went to the same nursery.........not the one that DS1 went too........ (and most of them are stuck up snobs so I'm not really bothered )

motherinferior · 09/09/2006 13:07

It's his first day ever at school? I reckon, sorry love, that he needs both his parents there. My DD1 - a confident happy child who'd been in childcare since babyhood, been to pre-school for 18 months and was more than ready for school - found the first two weeks incredibly tough going. I hope your lad sails through but there are no guarantees. It's a huuuuuuuuuuge event for children, one of the biggest in their lives, and they need all the support they can get!

motherinferior · 09/09/2006 13:08

It's not a question of you seeing it, it's a question of him having his parents around.

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 13:08

Am not really bothered about the 'Mums circle' type thing. I dont do coffee mornings and stuff anyhow, im rather anti social at times

Maybe I just have a difference type of mothering instinct? Sometimes it seems that whats important to alot of mons isnt to me. If they fall over I will pick them up, If they are hungrey I will feed them. But I dont feel an overwhelming urge to be with them constantly. I love the arrangment I have with H where He takes them for 4 nights then I do. I get to go out and be young and enjoy myself. I dont think that makes me a bad parent, I think it just means I have the best of both worlds. (Sorry about the ramble!)

OP posts:
Twiglett · 09/09/2006 13:09

I wouldn't miss my children's first day at school for anything

southeastastra · 09/09/2006 13:10

as long as his dad is there i would take the opportunity, there shouldn't really be any major problems getting back to the uk. loads of dads were taking their children to our school for the first day.

essbee · 09/09/2006 13:12

Message withdrawn

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 13:14

I am basing the likelyhood of being delayed on previous experience! We were a day late back because we umm taken to the police station and kept their for hours, which isnt likely to happen again really is it!? And then we got caught in a huge 5 hour tailback on the roads.

The ferrys run really frequently and we can get either the frieghter or the people one so lots of options.

And dont have to pay anything at all. Nothing. Nada.

OP posts:
essbee · 09/09/2006 13:17

Message withdrawn

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 13:19

It was my first time away from the kids with other adults and no responsibilities. I should have started off gently with going to the gym or a spa or something

OP posts:
motherinferior · 09/09/2006 13:28

I am not with my children constantly. I work four days a week, and that is very important to me. I do, as it happens, know and like some of the parents of DD1's friends, but that is not why I think it's important to be with your child on their first day of school. It's a very, very big thing for them. And if they are upset, it's more serious than falling over or needing a snack.

Blondilocks · 09/09/2006 13:35

I'd go.

When I'd been in my job a few months I used my last 2 days of holiday to fly up to Edinburgh for a long weekend (they had to be used up by the end of the year or I lost them). People were like, oh but what if the plane's delayed or cancelled on the way back etc etc. I just said that if the plane is cancelled then unfortunately it is tough luck for work - it's not like there would be anything I could do about it but why miss out on something just in case the worst thing happens.

I can't remember who took me to school on the first day so it obviously was a big thing to remember in my life! Also can't remember what we did on LOs first day although I did take photos so I must have taken her. Don't think OH came too tho as he was at work.