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Original poster

I have a dilema..... What would you do??

87 replies

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 11:58

Have been invited to go to Germany with a group of friends early tomorrow morning. Same sort of thing as when I went to France a couple of months ago. The plan is to be back Tuesday night and as long as we run on scedual its doable.

But, DS1 has his first day at school on Wednesday. Which is fine as long as I get home Tuesday night but if there are any delays (ie, the ferry is delayed, the car breaks down, I get arrested...) then I risk not being back in time for his first day. His dad will still be home to take him but surely his mom should be there too?

I would really like to go to Germany though. Ive never been before, will be going to Munich.

So...

How important is it that Mummy is there on the first day of school? Would you risk going on the off chance that you might get delayed? Would you not go at all? Would you go and think sod it!?

OP posts:
HRHQueenOfQuotes · 09/09/2006 14:10

MI - of course going to school is a big thing - but what tops a father doing as good a job as mum at comforting the child if they get upset????

motherinferior · 09/09/2006 14:10

Having both of them there. It was one of the very, very rare occasions when we were both on hand for DD1, and I think she needed us.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 09/09/2006 14:16

sorry should be "stops" (not tops). Both parents there - are you serious??? How impractical is that for most parents??? I don't think I know anyone (in RL) that had both parents there when the child started school) and TBH I think if a child has been to nursery school previously it's not such a huge thing (only huge if the parents make it huge IMO) for the child.

AmandaP · 09/09/2006 15:02

I think HRH may have hit it on the head there - doesn't it depend slightly on what the child's attitude to school is?

With DS, he wanted me there, but DD was absolutely adamant that she didn't want me to come in, no hanging around hugging her or anything like that! She's still like that about school three years on - very VERY independent - despite being very huggy and affectionate out of school. So with her, it wouldn't have been an issue (the fact that I missed her first birthday is something I won't dwell on here for fear of being shot )

You know your own child, as you say, DH is with him in case of any issues and if nothing else, you should be back in time for the pick up (may be with a special present from Munich?)

juuule · 09/09/2006 16:08

I couldn't do it. Would have to be there for his first day.

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 16:37

I dont think starting school is that big an issue for him, we havent made it an issue or a huge topic of conversation.

I havent run this passed H yet either though - not that its any of his buisness really but to be polite and all that.

Have to decide soon though. We would be leaving at 9am

OP posts:
Dottydot · 09/09/2006 16:39

I took the day off work for ds1's first day at school so both dp and I were there to take him and bring him back. He'd been OK right up until the day itself and that morning was the first in living memory he didn't wake us up - so we nearly overslept...

When I went into his room he was hiding under his covers saying he wasn't going to go. I was so glad I was there - I asked him why he was worried and he said he was afraid they were going to make him do "hard work". He's been to nursery, playgroup and pre-school (at the same school) for the past 2.5 years, but he was still convinced this was going to be different and horrible.

He's a very shy boy anyway, so we knew he might find it difficult. I was just so glad I was able to take part in talking to him about it, taking him, being in the classroom etc.etc. We asked him in the morning did he want just dp to go with him (trying not to make a fuss!) but he said he wanted both of us. Fortunately by the time we picked him up he had declared school was "good!".

So, sorry for the long post but just wanted to explain why even if your ds seems OK about starting school, you never know what's going on in their little heads and maybe it is one of the few days of their lives that all their parents, in whatever shape or form, need to be on hand just in case.

motherinferior · 09/09/2006 18:40

Actually, quite a few parents at DD1's very ordinary state primary seemed to be there both on her first day and on the first day of this academic year.

FFS, I'm usually incredibly off-hand about stuff like birthdays and so on (DP was away for DD2's first birthday and neither of us gave a toss).

Come to that, I feel it is a big thing, in any case, if you consider education important.

iota · 09/09/2006 18:47

Even my dh, who has done the school run about 3 times in 3 years, made the effort to come with me to take ds2 into school on his first day last week.

And it seemed like just about all the dads as well as mums were there

motherinferior · 09/09/2006 18:53
nutcracker · 09/09/2006 18:55

I wouldn't go. There is no way in a million years that I'd miss any of my kids 1st day at school.

iota · 09/09/2006 19:05

gerrof MI you're choking me

motherinferior · 09/09/2006 19:10
hoxtonchick · 09/09/2006 19:16

dp & i both took ds to his first day of school last week. he was really pleased we were both there (for about 10 seconds, before he ran off after his mates ). and it was very important to both of us.

iota · 09/09/2006 19:20

there you go MI - go and give Hoxy a hug

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 19:22

Have just realised that if I go I will definatly miss his first day, as its monday - Not Wednesday as I for some odd reason had thought it was.

H said he doesnt mind if I go, means I will miss his first 2 days though :$

OP posts:
MrsApronstrings · 09/09/2006 19:23

so are you going tamba?

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 19:24

Im pretty sure im going.

Although a little part of me is saying noooooooo

I really dont know. Havent sorted out any stuff yet though. Knowing me, I will decide at 3am that I wont go.

OP posts:
hoxtonchick · 09/09/2006 19:31

group hug, mi & iota ?

tamum · 09/09/2006 20:06

Sorry, I wouldn't go either. Dd was apparently raring to go, was over 5 and dead keen, and was completely stressed out by it. She would have been in pieces if I hadn't been there, and IMO it's impossible to know which way it's going to go. And same experience as MI- standard state school, loads of mother/father pairs there. I wouldn't have missed it for my own sake either, but that's not really the point.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 09/09/2006 20:09

"being in the classroom"

blimey - you're lucky - taking children to school for the first time at DS1's school involves standing at the gate and seeing them in safely - they then disappear into the school........no going to the classroom (they'd already done that for a few short periods during their last term at nursery for their induction).

DS1 has just gone into Y1 and TBH apart from the 'protocol' of dropping him I can't remember anything about taking him to school for the first time..........just like I can't remember exactly when he started walking, cut his first tooth or said his first word...............

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 09/09/2006 20:13

It was DH that took DS1 for his first full day at school - they do halfdays to start with at his school and I'd already started working when DS1 started going all day.......

says quietly to herself she wonders why some children get worried thinking school is going to mean doing lots of hard work, and be so completely different from nursery...........she wonders if it's something the parents have said regarding "big school".......then wanders off to find her bottle of white wine in the fridge**

HappyMumof2 · 09/09/2006 20:14

Message withdrawn

hoxtonchick · 09/09/2006 20:19

my ds has settled exceptionally well at school qoq, both the teacher & teaching assistant have commented. i think this has everything to do with the fact he is a very secure child who knows that both his parents support him fully.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 09/09/2006 20:22

fair enough Hoxton - I'm not arguing with that. I just feel that both parents don't have to be there for their first day at school for them to know it.........I think it goes a lot deeper than that and the fact that he's a happy and secure child that you and your DH have created a secure home environment..........and IMO that doesn't have to mean that you're both there for every knew thing that he does.........