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Original poster

I have a dilema..... What would you do??

87 replies

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 11:58

Have been invited to go to Germany with a group of friends early tomorrow morning. Same sort of thing as when I went to France a couple of months ago. The plan is to be back Tuesday night and as long as we run on scedual its doable.

But, DS1 has his first day at school on Wednesday. Which is fine as long as I get home Tuesday night but if there are any delays (ie, the ferry is delayed, the car breaks down, I get arrested...) then I risk not being back in time for his first day. His dad will still be home to take him but surely his mom should be there too?

I would really like to go to Germany though. Ive never been before, will be going to Munich.

So...

How important is it that Mummy is there on the first day of school? Would you risk going on the off chance that you might get delayed? Would you not go at all? Would you go and think sod it!?

OP posts:
soapbox · 09/09/2006 20:22

Definately would not go under any circs!

DH and I always take them to school together on the first day of the school year - never mind the first day at school!

I can't imagine missing that for anything

tamum · 09/09/2006 20:25

It can come from left field with no warning and no parental winding up. Ds was happy at school, I was happy with it, dd saw him going off there happily every day, she loved nursery but was really keen to join her brother and it simply didn't live up to her expectations to start with.

chocybickie · 09/09/2006 20:29

I would go to Munich.
You have years of school runs.
The first frop off is as dull as the 50th.
Here's your class... and goodbye! Not quite worth missing a holiday for.
But then ds1 already attended the school nursery so it was no big deal for him. It is now though.

Go!

chocybickie · 09/09/2006 20:29

*frop= drop

Bozza · 09/09/2006 20:38

There is absolutely no way I would risk missing and certainly not intentionally miss my DS's first day at school. And FWIW DH did accomapany us - we turned up en famille. And QofQ I do actually remember my first day at school in January 1978 when I was accompanied my both parents (my Dad worked shifts) and my two younger sisters.

chocybickie · 09/09/2006 20:40

I don't remember ds1's first day of school.
I've just asked ds1 and he doesn't remember either.
It's just not that big a deal for some people.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 09/09/2006 20:41

I wasn't talking about the child remembering it (and FWIW I don't remember my first day at school - I don't even know whether I started in the September or January intake........mum tells me that dad came as well as he was also working shifts at the time.......). What I meant was that most parents don't remember the child's first day at school (unless they've videoed it and watch it......IMO).

hoxtonchick · 09/09/2006 20:44

my mum remembers my first day at school (i cried )

WideWebWitch · 09/09/2006 20:45

I don't think I'd go to Germany in the circumstances, no.

But I don't necessarily see that both parents have to go on the first day, I find that a bit odd actually, does everyone do this? They didn't when ds started school anyway, it was mostly just one parent. And when it's dd's turn it'll very possibly be just dh who takes her.

Bozza · 09/09/2006 20:57

Don't think I will ever forget DS's first day at school. But I can be very soppy. I am not really advising here just saying how I would be - and that is the way I am.

nikkie · 09/09/2006 21:01

I couldn't take dd2 for her 1st day as I was at work and it was my first day back at school with a new boss so couldn't swap but felt awful but apparently there was lots of grandparents there and I had been to update her teacher earlier in the week (and they know I work in a school ).
Didn't seem a big deal to dd2 though as she was in their nursery before and was just going to the next class.I just felt guilty though!

So sorry Tamba I would join in with the 'go another time!'

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/09/2006 23:20

Have talked with H and he doesnt see it as a big deal either. Jonath will only be doing half days and when im back will be taking me on a tour of his new class room. Ive already seen him in his new uniform and he looks very smart! He is looking forward to daddy taking him too. I guess I just dont see it as a big deal, just as I didnt see him starting nursery as a huge deal. Maybe that makes me in a minority, I dont know.

I do feel a little sad about missing it, but it would only be a few minutes in the school playground and then H would be picking him up. I wouldnt be seeing them until wednesday anyway apart from that few mins as H has them on those days (He has them til fri night this week)

So, I am going to Germany. I will take him to school with H on Wednesday and then probably every day until he gets to 11 years old - thats a scary thought!!

Will call him on Monday morning though, before and after school. I figure its similar to if I was working and couldnt get time off (although I relaise this is a choice im making not a requirement)

OP posts:
zdl · 10/09/2006 00:06

DH missed dd's first day at school (he messed up and said yes to a work thing without remembering). But dd really didn't miss him. it worked out fine, he came the next day.

MrsApronstrings · 10/09/2006 00:10

enjoy Germany

my dh didn't manage to be
in the country for any one of ds2's birthdays till he was 4 - no harm done

Skribble · 10/09/2006 00:12

Yah go for it!

I have missed a lot of first days and have to say standing about sniveling with all the other parents while child sauters off isn't much to miss really. (Sorry heartless mother moment). Granny loves all these things and always "has a tear in her eye" at these things, so probably best to leave it to her anyway .

Starting school isn't such a big deal for kids now anyway if they have been at the schools nursery. More of an emotional milestone for parents. DH has had a turn at a few of these now and it is nice to share the "responsibility" with him for these things.

So sod it and go and bring him back a nice big pressy and some euro coins to play with.

Mhamai · 10/09/2006 00:14

You can bring some euro coins back for me too, I'll very happily play with them!

Skribble · 10/09/2006 00:15

No mumy plays with the notes DS plays with the dross .

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 10/09/2006 00:17

Fantastic - glad you've decided to go - hope you have a fabulous time

Dottydot · 10/09/2006 09:36

HRH - are you implying that ds1 was worried about school because of something dp and I had said to him? I'm sorry but that's just not the case and I find it quite offensive. Ds1 has always been the type of child who worries about stuff - he's a perfectionist who sets himself ridiculously high standards and is furious with himself when he doesn't reach them. He didn't talk until well past 2 and now we realise it was because he wouldn't talk until he knew he could do it properly. The older he gets the more these little worries of his come out. He didn't potty train until nearly 4 because of the same thing - he didn't want any accidents and indeed never had any.

You see we know our child, we know the support he needs from both of us, the reassurance that he's going to be fine and that school will be OK even if he doesn't know his letters, etc (his worry at the moment) - to him that's a big deal even if to us it isn't.

So don't dare accuse me of pushing my child or setting him up for big worries because I've put pressure on him.

And FWIW, ds2 is the complete opposite - confident, no worries, happy and content with everything. They've come into this world with their different personalities and it's our job as parents to shepherd them through life as best we can. Having said that, even though ds2 I don't think would 'need' me as much on his first day at school, I'll still take the day off - admittedly more for my enjoyment at seeing him start than for him. We took him with ds1 as well and yes, the parents were allowed to stay in the classroom with the children for the first hour. Ds1 did lots of clinging at first and was very subdued. Ds2 asked if he could go off and play and was joining in with it all within about 30 seconds - didn't want to leave.

And FFS, even if the little tinker just wanted an extra bit of attention on his first day at school, having both parents there - why not indulge him?

Beetroot · 10/09/2006 09:47

Tamba. Men don't get this grief do they!!!

I don't even remember my first day at school!

As long as one of you is fair then that is fine. We all miss landmarks in our kidslife for one reason or another. That is life. The most important thing is that they are cared for and loved and supported.

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 10/09/2006 09:54

Am still going although have pushed time back a few hours. A little pissed of that I dragged myself out of bed early for no good reason though! Anyhow, gives me time to dig out some decent clothes, cause all I could find this morning was a snoopy t-shirt. At least saved the embarrassment of that!

OP posts:
LIZS · 10/09/2006 09:57

Not gone yet ? ! You'll be lucky to get much more than a day there !

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 10/09/2006 09:58

Im not so worried about getting back by Wednesday morning now though cause I'll have missed the first day anyhow.

OP posts:
tigermoth · 10/09/2006 10:10

To answer the OP, I think it depends on the child and the circumstances. As you say your ds will be living with his father over those 4 days, it might seem the most normal arrangement to him if he is taken to school by his dad, alone. (I don't know the background but assume you are parted from his dad?). If you both go, it might actually make him more worried.

If he copes well with group situations, nursery, and being with one parent at a time, then I think it's no huge crime if you miss taking him to his first day of school. IME lots of lone parents take their child to school for the first day. As I work full time I have missed some milestones, but there are so many opportunites to be at school and support your ds - the school plays, book fairs, sports days, summer fairs etc.

People here have said that your ds might wake up nervous and worried on his first day of school. It obviously happens and you will have to take that risk. And you will not be able to see him when he comes back from school - that's the thing I'd miss the most. It's not so much the taking, its the being around before and after school. But as he would be staying with his dad, you would presumably be phoning him to ask about his day whether you went to Germany or not.

So on balance, I'd go to Germany if it really was that important. You could write a special note to your ds and put it in his bookbag - or put in a photo. If you think your ds will resent the fact that it's a holiday trip that's made you miss his first day at school, can you tell him the trip is for another reason?

But also make a strong resolution to go to all the next few 'getting to know you' events that the school will put on - phone up the school tomorrow and ask what activities and events are coming up this term. And go to them, with or without your ds's dad. And tell your ds this is what you are doing.

Dottydot, I think in your case, you and your partner definitely did the right thing.

Surfermum · 10/09/2006 10:51

I would want to be there - but that's me. If you are perfectly happy with not being there and going to Germany, and you are happy that your ds will be OK with that, then why not.

I think it's great that your xp is going to be taking him instead. My dh missed his dd's first day at school and all sorts of other milestones. Not through choice either. Even now we can't fly anywhere because her mum won't let us because she wants to have that experience first with dsd.

Have a really lovely time.