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Original poster

*Warning a little explicit* Really so fuming with my dh. Have you ever found porn on the PC downloaded by your dh?

107 replies

fumingactually · 05/09/2006 16:33

I cannot bring myself to post under my name so if you suspect trolling fair enough.

Ok I know it's more a guy thing and I never thought I would react in this way but think the way I found this stuff and recent events have all contributed to my feeling absolutely shit today.

DD wanted to see some video files of her we have on our PC,lately I have been sorting some of the earlier ones into folders etc. She is sat on my lap and I do a search for her stuff which is when she fiddles with the keyboard and unwittingly opens up an avi file with some really hardcore *nal stuff on it.

I was so shocked that I flustered a bit before I managed to grab the mouse. She said some stuff innocently and now keeps referring to mummy's bits and other parts of anatomy (the woman on the avi had dark colouring like me) I feel sick that she saying these things.

It's stuff that dh has been looking at for god knows how long and we had a huge row about it and I told him it was throughly irresponsible no different to him leaving dirty mags in her toybox downstairs. He was distraught and I'd say appeared pretty distraughtthat she had to see that.

Anyway off on a tangent now but dh has pretty much tried to get me to do stuff that I don't care for sexually and most of these files contain examples of this and I am left feeling hurt, inadequate and frankly very insecure.

I feel like this is a side to him that I could never see before and that he has been living a lie.

I'm not happy at all right now and my emotions feel so tangled.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 05/09/2006 19:26

I'd be pissed off and irrational. Sorry, my dh does NOT use porn and all this 'all men do you know, poor things, they can't help themselves' nonsense does my head in. Anyway, that's not helpful to you fumingactually except to say it's not unreasonable to be pissed off imo. And I understand why you'd feel pressured too, having seen this. Dd will forget about it, I wouldn't worry, they've the attention span of a gnat at that age.

Greensleeves · 05/09/2006 19:32

I agree with WWW. My dh doesn't use porn either, nor do any of the other civilised men I've known. I just wouldn't put up with it. Agree that your dd will have forgotten it in a couple of days though - she sees so many new things every day at that age, it won't stay with her. It must have been horrible for you to have her see it.

coderoo · 05/09/2006 19:33

Bloolocks
you jst havent foudn it yet

coderoo · 05/09/2006 19:33

they all do
without a DOUBT
not saying thats good but they all do

WideWebWitch · 05/09/2006 19:35

Oh ffs Cod, that's like saying 'ALL men watch football. You might not have seen them watching it but they do.' I just don't buy it. All men masturbate, sure, I can stretch to that one, probably, but ALL men use porn, without a shadow of a doubt? I don't buy it. And it's really quite insulting to suggest that it's just that we/I haven't found it yet.

JoolioTooterini · 05/09/2006 19:36

mine doesn't either - although being and ex copper he's probably seen more in the line of duty than I care to think about.

WideWebWitch · 05/09/2006 19:36

So Cod, does your dh? And is that ok with you?

JoolioTooterini · 05/09/2006 19:37

me either www

Northerner · 05/09/2006 19:39

I agree that her dd seeing it is awful, but saying 'he allowed her to see it' is unfair IMO. She is 2.5 and not a PC user. She just happenned to be on her Mum's lap.

I'm just intrigued to know why some women wouldn't put up with their man looking at porn. Can anyone explain why? Not being arsey, just wondering that's all.

WideWebWitch · 05/09/2006 19:41

for me it's a feminist thing. I think it's exploitative and degrading. But don't think I can be arsed to go into all the reasons here!

JoolioTooterini · 05/09/2006 19:42

I just wonder why women do this?

I can't get my head around it at all.

It is degrading.

Original poster
fumingactually · 05/09/2006 19:43

Degrading to the men too?

OP posts:
Northerner · 05/09/2006 19:45

www I am the first to stand up for women's rights, but these women are doing a job by choice (being forced into porn seperate issue IMO)and most of them earning a damn good living and loving it.

But everyone is different I guess. I fully expect my ds to have porn when he hits his teens and will of course explain to him the difference between porn, and a real sex life with a real woman etc.

puddle · 05/09/2006 19:46

Totally agree with WWW. It's a vile and degrading industry which, for the most part, exploits women.

My dp feels the same way as me which is why he doesn't look at this stuff either.

I really do disagree with the view that all men look at porn and it's something you should put up with because, poor things, they're led by their d**s.

Northerner · 05/09/2006 19:47

Must also add, after working in the deluxe end of the hotel industry for many years, the suited and booted high flying execs are the worst for watching filthy movies and leaving sex toys/porn in their bedrooms and will probably go home to their wives who are none the wiser.........

YeahBut · 05/09/2006 19:47

Two separate issues here, I think. Your dh enjoying porn and then your dd seeing a pornographic image.
On your dh enoying looking at porn - I'd agree with an earlier poster. If looking at certain images allows him an avenue to explore an interest that you don't share (as long as it is legal!) and therefore takes that pressure away from you, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. Some people get off on porn, some people don't. Live and let live. The fact that your dh looks at porn does not mean that he feels there is anything lacking in your relationship. It's just an extra something for him. You are not inadequate and you should not feel insecure.
Your dd seeing the images is not nice, but your dh didn't open a webpage and then beckon her over for a quick look. The fact that you didn't even know it was there means that he's been looking at it in private when no-one else will be around to be offended. Your dd will probably get over it and forget about it quicker than you do. Tbh, I wouldn't mention it unless she does.

JoolioTooterini · 05/09/2006 19:47

yes northerner - even the reader of

although I suppose as a woman it's easy to be judgmental - I know for sure my ds's have dabbled (not really )

from a woman's point of view though I just think men are really shallow sometimes.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/09/2006 19:47

Ahem, I object to "uncivilised"....

Men look at porn. Maybe yours are unique...who cares. But, a helluva lot of men look at porn. All types of men, from all different backgrounds with all types of character.

Greensleeves · 05/09/2006 19:48

Cod, you are talking out of your fishy arse, I'm afraid

Of course they don't all do it. What rot.

bananaloaf · 05/09/2006 19:49

my dh was in the forces and he had a supply of german porn. i dont buy the idea that its man thing and its acceptable for men to watch/download. Had a ex that was obsessed with it and when he move out the first thing he did was to move his subscription to xxxxTV or whatever it was! Also left nasties on my computer. maybe to answer Northerners question is the difference between the sexs - emotional involvement to sex/porn.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/09/2006 19:50

I knew someone who did porn. Didnt like her much, but thats a whole other issue.

She earnt about £100 an hour, and worked just 7 or 8 hours a month. She spent the rest of that time being a SAHM.

She claimed to enjoy - she certainly was under no pressure to do it. Her DP was 100% with her on it too.

It might be degrading to you, but its not so for everyone. Each to their own and all that.

JennyLee · 05/09/2006 19:50

I tell mine if you leave it on our family pc and I see any files I will delete them, and I do. I told him if you don't want me to see it or comment on it keep it on disks locked away and not in the pc, as he gets embarrassed if I mention any porn on the pc or if he thinks I see what he looks at, although I do not have a problem with it as long as is not abusive porn etc. but my family and ds look at our pc so it can't be on the pc especially as in the past when looking at news videos online the media player accidentally plays the last file that was viewed luckily it was just me in the room, I would tell him to keep it out of your way completely then there will be no problem, as honestly if you try to get him to stop completely you will just get lied to, they see it differently to us.

MrsFio · 05/09/2006 19:50

alot of men actually think porn is morally wrong!!! its ridiculous to think ALL men use porn fgs

MrsFio · 05/09/2006 19:51

and to the priginal poster I think your dd will forget as she is only little and I am glad you have talked about this. It gets it off your chest and he sounds reasonable, good luck

JoolioTooterini · 05/09/2006 19:52

OMG - probably another thread but how do you let your dw do porn - how do you deal with your dh not minding?

oh, oh, oh!

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