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Original poster

Am I a mean co whow is overreacting?

111 replies

twinsetandpearls · 16/08/2006 13:51

Dd ( 4.11) had a friend's daughter sleep last night the friend is 9. As a treat dp bought dd a game of operation. When they went to bed last night we checked all the pieces were there and put it on a high shelf so that dd couldn't reach it and loose the pieces.

The friend who IMO should know better at her age got the game out for them to play but and the they went to sleep with it on the bed it fell off in the night and now three pieces are missing.

I have told them both off and have said that f the pieces are not found before 5pm when dp will take the girl home the game will be thrown away and the girl is not allowed to sleep over for the rest of the summer.

On top of this dd bedroom is a tip and is covered in half eaten sweets and everything is pulled out of the drawers and boxes. I have told them both that they cannot leave the room before it is tidy.

OP posts:
Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/08/2006 13:51

sorry the title shoud read Am I a mean cow who is over reacting - but I am so angry I can't type.

OP posts:
Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/08/2006 13:52

FWIW I am also angry with dp for buying dd a game that she is not old enough to have meaning she is not responsible enough to look after all the bits which has created this situation and ruined what had been two really nice days with dd and her friend.

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snowlenin · 16/08/2006 13:53

I'm a bit sorry for your DD, she has no control over what this 9-year-old has done and it was her treat. I can understand why you're cross about the mess but your DD may not be at fault at all.

CountessDracula · 16/08/2006 13:53

Did you specifically tell them not to touch it?

TBH I think you are overreacting! I'm sure the bits will turn up.

colditz · 16/08/2006 13:54

You are definately over-reacting. They should tidy up, and it is good that you are making them, but it is really not worth getting angry about. They are only being children. They haven't done anything that can't be fixed. And 9 year olds generally don't think to put games away before they go to sleep, I think you are expecting too much there.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/08/2006 13:55

Yes I said as they went to bed not to touch the game as the bits would get lost and it was brand new.

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KathyMCMLXXII · 16/08/2006 13:55

Fair enough about making them tidy up, though.

colditz · 16/08/2006 13:56

You should have taken it away then, of course she would want to get her brand new game out and play it with her friend.

foxinsocks · 16/08/2006 13:56

but you left the game in their room? a bit too tempting me thinks!

zippitippitoes · 16/08/2006 13:56

I think you are being a bit excessive in the never again nature of the punishments...it's not worth getting so stressed and your dd probably wouldn't have got the game down herself.

It's a big age gap..9 year olds are a lot different to 4 year olds, she won't have thought about it at all.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/08/2006 13:56

snowlenin I am more angry with the other girl than dd as I think she should not better. If you tell a nie year old not to do something, particularly when they are a guest in someone's house they shoud not do it.

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colditz · 16/08/2006 13:57

it's not up to the nine year old to stop a 4 year old in the 4 year old's own house.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 16/08/2006 13:58

they are only being kids
your OP makes you sound like people will be too afraid to stay tbh
as you seem so angry

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 16/08/2006 13:58

The game was in her room but on a shelf that she could not reach and to be honest even the nine year old would have to perform an act of acrobatic genius to get it.

FWIW though I also expect that if I give my 4 year old an instruction she would follow it.

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zippitippitoes · 16/08/2006 14:00

I think it's an unreal expectation

very few adults can resist overt temptation, especially when they don't really appreciate the logic of the instruction..

you will have many years of this to come..the punishment lies in the loss of the pieces if they don't turn up in my view

Joolstoo · 16/08/2006 14:00

yes

unicorn · 16/08/2006 14:00

Is there something more about this 9 year old that you don't like?
This does seem to be a bit extreme, it is only a game after all.

soapbox · 16/08/2006 14:00

Gosh that is a heck of an age difference!

Are you sure you are not expecting too much of your DD to be in a friendship like that?

IMHO it isn't the game that is too old for DD but the friend - the gamr is just a symptom of that.

And yes you are overreacting. Help her find the bits - they can't have gone far if they haven't left the bedroom.

snowlenin · 16/08/2006 14:00

Agree absolutely, but your poor DD is being ounished if you throw her new game away. Perhaps once the 9-year-old is off the scene, ask her to look with you to find the bits, and explain DP made a mistake it's a bit old for her and that's why bits got lost, and you will get it out again another time to play with you and DP.

I feel sorry for her because I do remember older/bolder friends making a mess in my room etc. and being terrified. At 4, your DD shouldn't have to sufffer because of an unruly 9-year-old IMO.

colditz · 16/08/2006 14:01

can't you just let it go? 4 is very young, some children are still in nappies at 4, some are still being breastfed at four. The age of criminal responsibilty is 10, not 9 and certainly not four, for the precise reason that they cannot be trusted to behave.

soapbox · 16/08/2006 14:03

Gosh that is a heck of an age difference!

Are you sure you are not expecting too much of your DD to be in a friendship like that?

IMHO it isn't the game that is too old for DD but the friend - the gamr is just a symptom of that.

And yes you are overreacting. Help her find the bits - they can't have gone far if they haven't left the bedroom.

CliveOwensBackbone · 16/08/2006 14:03

I think overreacting

And as the pieces were there last night, surely a good shake of blankets will find them? Under the bed etc

Also, if my memory serves me correctly sleepovers were all about mess, sweets and giggling into the night late etc

I think you should go back in the room with a drink and a biscuit and say something like you are a bit annoyed re the game, but never mind, lets have a big tidy and clear all this stuff away and see if we can find the pieces.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 16/08/2006 14:03

I could understand if it was something very valuable to be angry
but an operation game is replaceable imo

CliveOwensBackbone · 16/08/2006 14:04
soapbox · 16/08/2006 14:04

Gosh that is a heck of an age difference!

Are you sure you are not expecting too much of your DD to be in a friendship like that?

IMHO it isn't the game that is too old for DD but the friend - the gamr is just a symptom of that.

And yes you are overreacting. Help her find the bits - they can't have gone far if they haven't left the bedroom.