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Original poster

Does anyone else have problems with thier Mother -in Law?

29 replies

RuthT · 22/05/2006 20:16

Okay ... deep breath.....

My MIL is driving me bananas. I never thought I would have an issue with her once I had a baby. I in my idiot state belived that she would be thrilled and a great grandparent. But no...

Anyone seen the Woody Allen film 'Manhatten' where Mia Farrow plays a woman who is passive aggresive. This is my MIL. She kind of says things but doesn't so you are never really sure of her intent.

Here is an example.

I came back from 4 days away from dd and MIL with FIL were staying with DH. I got an earlier flight (getting up at 3.30am UK time) so that I could see dd. This was my first time away. When I got back I had just missed her she was in bed asleep. So I waited. DH said when she wakes up we are going out to do whatever. I said no wait until I have seen her as I haven't and came home early so that I could. He of course understood. I go upstairs to see dd as she wakes and in meantime she phones her friend who she is going to see next day and complains that they haven't got out and nothing is doing so they may as well go early. DH calls her on behaviour and she shuts up but is offish with me and remains so ubtil I say I'll go back into work for a couple of hours.

Later she comments (as dd is not eating lunch) that dd was great with DH and ate really well in preceeding days.

Sorry a bit of a rant.

Is it something psycological that MIL and DIl just don't get on?

Any suggestions?

OP posts:
peasinapod · 22/05/2006 21:26

www.motherinlawstories.com is the place for you .You will seriously feel better when you read some of the stories on there . And for the record your MIL is a silly moo and acting very spoilt . Welcome home .

trefusis · 22/05/2006 21:42

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peasinapod · 22/05/2006 21:44

She wont be back for a while if shes on motherin law Site .I was on there for days .LOL

trefusis · 22/05/2006 21:45

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peasinapod · 22/05/2006 21:48

You will sit there with your mouth open

trefusis · 22/05/2006 21:55

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TheLadyVanishes · 22/05/2006 22:03

mines ok i suppose, i don't like being around her as much since having dd and I do feel abit guilty about it but she assumed i was going to let her do the bonding type of things that a mother would normally do mmmmm NO WAY, she did numerous things to annoy me so I tolerate her visits (infact I hid in the kitchen the other day and avoided her and I feel quite ashamed about it) she loves her granddaughter a great deal and I grin and bear everything as I have no recollection of my grandparents, one set died before i was born and the others died when I was really young

trefusis · 22/05/2006 22:07

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IknowDazsManager · 22/05/2006 22:07

My MIL is the best.................she never gives us any trouble...................................................because

She is dead. Grin

mummydear · 22/05/2006 22:39

MILs always bring their children up the correct way and whatever you do is wrong , always quick to criticise but never praise.

My fault apprently that my son has speech problems not the fact that he may have glue ear.
'Its down to the parents to teach them to speak properly not a speech therapist '

oh bog off MIL :)

Original poster
RuthT · 23/05/2006 19:28

the ladt vanishes ... yup can really get what you are saying. I feel the same way. I do want dd to have a positive relationship with her Gm as I never had any as I grew up.

Mummydear - yup always critises and never never praises.

Peasinapod will def go and look at the website!

Mummy dear ...lets wait and see what the advice may be!

Have to say though I can't just grin and bear it. Just not my style. I am going to have to say something either before I next see her or when she next makes a comment.

Trouble is DH is getting wound up too. This is on the back of major meddling from his mum in his sisters wedding. She just sabotages what she wants. I know she wants to spend more time here but given her barbed comments DH and I both cut down the amount of time she spends here and the amount of times they visit. In fact his sister did the same during and after wedding.

OP posts:
Caligula · 23/05/2006 19:32

I looked at this thread title and immediately thought "is the pope a catholic?"

Grin
booge · 23/05/2006 19:41

My MIL!!!! I try but I just can't like her...I then feel guilty about it but she just winds me up, I think she is the most irritating woman I've ever met. Your story sounds just like her and the sort of comments she makes. She once suggested that I didn't do enough for her DS (in the domestic sense) even though I was the major bread winner at the time and he was living in my flat (before we got married). She hogs my DS when ever she sees him and does a poor me act at every opportunity, because she doesn't think we see her enough, never mind that we have to see my Mother and DH's father and still occasionally have a weekend to ourselves.

Original poster
RuthT · 23/05/2006 19:48

Oh my god booge, that sounds exactly the same. I also am the major bread winner and there was no choice we both need to work.

Thing is MIL stayed at home and looked after her DH. Plus as this has been her role all her life I guess she feels an expert. I guess she does not have that role now as her two dd have left and are married.

She def expected me to mother DH, we had a few run ins on that subject early in the relationship

OP posts:
mabel1973 · 23/05/2006 19:53

Had to click on this - just to sound off if nothing else.
My MIL is not actually that bad as a person - but something just grates on me!
When I had DS she used to barge in when I was BF - which I think is very rude, she never actually asked if I minded that she stood over me while I bf him (i did). Also DS suffered quite badly with colic as a newborn and cried quite a bit when he wasn't hungry and she once said through a slurred Gin and tonic stupor that 'that baby needs a bit of titty' - (she is quite well to do so I was quite stunned)
To cap it all she is a retired nursery teacher - so obvioulsy she knows FAR MORE than I ever could about teaching my son. GRRRR!

Lact8 · 23/05/2006 20:26

Ah MILs, dontcha just love 'em??

Mine is proud of the fact that she never cooked for DP and BIL, ever. They could have sandwich or cereal and that was it Shock

Had to do their own packed lunches at primary school Shock

DP knocked at a neighbours house to ask for breakfast when he was 4 as not getting any at home

And she says all of this with pride! WTF???

Couple of weeks ago, DP had gone to visit her and she asked for a lift to the supermarket. He phoned me to tell me he was taking her. I then got on the phone to my mum to have a bitch about how come she needs a lift, when I can do a weeks shopping on the bus with 3 kids in tow if cupboards are really empty.

I was in the kitchen while I was saying it and opened the door into the living room and she was sitting in there!!!!

DP had called in to collect his wallet and she'd come in to.

I know she must've heard everything I'd said about her BlushGrinGrin

notasheep · 23/05/2006 20:28

They dont like to think that you are having sex with their sonGrin

Mercy · 23/05/2006 20:39

Haven't read all the thread but I what I can say my MIL lives thousands of miles away and can only visit every 3 years or so, but she still manages to make me angry and somehow cause us to argue. My MIL can be downright nasty.

I think it's more a case of why don't sons stand up to their mothers rather than why are we bad DILs.

Any men care to enlighten us?

mummydear · 24/05/2006 11:38

Are we going to be just like them when our sons grow up ???? Shock

sleepycat · 24/05/2006 11:47

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

booge · 24/05/2006 12:57

What terrifies me is that one day I might be someones MIL myself....

Libra · 24/05/2006 13:10

My DH has been married before. His first wife apparently did not get on with his mother any more than I do. However, at one point early in their relationship my MIL gave her some very nice silk underwear. When we got married MIL wrote to first wife and asked her to return it so that - get this - she could give it to me! Let's not even get into the fact that first wife was tall, skinny and blonde and I am none of these. Can you imagine DH's face if I had suddenly revealed myself wearing his first wife's underwear!!! Can you imagine me WANTING to wear his first wife's underwear. First wife - rightly - ignored MIL.

Original poster
RuthT · 24/05/2006 19:25

OMG I can't believe your MIL was even thinking of giving you pre owned underwear. makes me wonder if the u/w she gave to first wife was new ands what else she has recycled - Beware I say

OP posts:
rabbitrabbit · 24/05/2006 19:37

Mine's a real treasure.

My DS is now 3 and each birthday she's ignored him (i.e. doesn't call, sends cards 2 days late, no presents etc).

The first time she told me DH that it was because he hadn't helped his stepdad move and that she thought there was a party going on that she wasn't invited too.
Similar things for each subsequent birthday-adults have done "something" to get up the rotten old bitch's nose Angry and she ignores my son!!

Sorry-still get angry
Bet you couldn't tell Grin

mabel1973 · 25/05/2006 11:54

Oh and I forgot to add she has a habit of calling DS by Dh's name (accidentally - apparantly) I think she is losing touch with reality and find it slightly creepy.