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Original poster

Pick me up, dust me off and stand me up again... please

39 replies

salt · 28/01/2004 14:34

Well this'll probably just turn into a self-pitying whinge as that's all I seem to do these days but I don't have the will to pick myself up this time.

xp is giving me hell again and I just can't take it anymore. I can't afford a solicitor as I'm not entitled to legal aid. I can't call the police as it's not frequent enough to be harrassment anymore.

After a huge row 3 weeks ago I went to his parents and told them some of the stuff but not all... apparently I'm just as bad as him?!?!? WTF!!! I don't stand on anyones doorstep at 7:45am calling htem a fcking cnt

I feel like he has me over a barrel and I'm getting to the point where I just want to stop his contact with dd, partly out of spite but also then he will have no reason to contact me - that's awful isn't it(?) but if I thought I could get away with it I would.

Add this to the fact that my job is rubbish, I'm permanently knackered and haven't been sleeping well/at all lately and I'm just about done in. If I weren't at my desk I'd be crying.

Please someone drag me up again...

OP posts:
Twinkie · 29/01/2004 10:27

sorry Honey but he is talking utter bollox - stop him seeing her now - go with her to his parents if they want to see him and if he is there he is to be civil and polite to you or you stop taking her.

He may be on the birth certificate but this means next to nothing - he has to apply through the coiurt for parental responsibility and believe me if you stand there and be honest and true he won't get it - even if he does he won't have much say in things and with you being the resident parent he won;t be able to dictate what school your DD goes to.

The court will take his police caution very seriously - you also ham it up - go to the doctors and say you are depressed with everything you are going through and his threats and intimidation are wearing you down and making your life sooo hard - they would probably sign you off sick for a much needed holiday too. Then when you go to court you say his behaviour has led you to seek medical advice because it is making you depressed and you are having to take anti depressants (even if you get them and don't take them) blah blah blah. Really going down that route will make him look so bad int hye family court.

DDs age will also be in your favor - as well as the fact that he does not have that much contact with her and his parents would not even get a sniff from any court as to them getting residency - that is more utter bollox!!

I would get her into a nursery and stop her seeing his side altogether unless you are there - do the contact place thing too - they aren't that bad and to be honest she is that little that if she only sees her father at places like this then that is all she will ever remember.

Stay strong and if needs be call the police - you could even just hang up n him every time he calls and really wind him up and even sort of cajole him into coming round and having a hissy fit - then you call the police and he gets in trouble again - more ammo against him.

I know I sound like a man hating bitch but honey you need to do everything you can to ensure your sanity and the safety of your daughter.

I know you want her to see her father and have arelationship with him but at the end of the day he is the adult here and needs to be nice to you and be a responsible parent which means not abusing you or stirring things up or using bad language in front of her.

Stay strong and keep in the CSAs back - you will get there - its a hard journey but believe me its worth it.

Big hugs to you ()

StressyHead · 29/01/2004 10:56

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Twinkie · 29/01/2004 13:44

Oh and just denying things does not work - you have the police report and to be honest who beats/verbally abuses their DP/DW infront of anyone - I think the fact that you had to call the police will show up what sort of person - my x2b thought he was a clever man and could just deny things but judges are a lot cleverer most of the time and will see straight through them.

Are you ok??

Original poster
salt · 30/01/2004 13:32

Hi,

I'm back. Thanks for all of your posts, they really helped.

I'm still feeling a little rubbish, actually a lot rubbish, I stayed at my parents last night. My dad commented on how rough I'd been looking lately (washed out with huge bags under eyes). Cheers dad! I laughed it off with some witty comeback but when I looked in the mirror, he was right - I looked terrible, really ill.

Things seem to have settled down again with ex and I guess that's it now until the next time.

He's supposed to be seeing her on Saturday but hasn't phoned to confirm... but I told him he wasn't to call me... so do i:

a. drop her at his parents tomorrow?
b. not take her and see if he says anything?

Thanks again

OP posts:
StressyHead · 30/01/2004 13:48

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Original poster
salt · 30/01/2004 13:59

I think I will probably take her round as planned and if he questions it, I will just say that he hadn't cancelled and so why would he think she wasn't coming. I think that way I can't be seen in the wrong.

I live around the Bedford area. About 40 miles north of London.

OP posts:
StressyHead · 30/01/2004 14:04

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Original poster
salt · 30/01/2004 14:52

Thanks - yes Surrey is a bit far!

Will see what the weekend brings with ex etc. I still feel incredibly down but have things planned for the weekend so am going to force myself to do everything and not cancel everything. Hopefully that will drag me up a bit

OP posts:
StressyHead · 02/02/2004 10:56

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Thomcat · 02/02/2004 10:59

Hi Salt
How did it go? Are you okay?

Original poster
salt · 02/02/2004 12:40

Hi, Thanks for asking.

It went better than expected. I dropped her off at his parents. He came out to the car - which I didn't really like but didn't say anything and I picked her up from his parents 3 hours later. He was nice as pie(as if nothing had happened) really trying to chat and make conversation for some reason. I just gave polite answers, picked up DD and left.

Guess I'll just see how it goes for the time being.

OP posts:
Twinkie · 02/02/2004 12:45

Honey just carry on being polite - as polite as you can be and getting as much evidence as you can - if he goes off on one again call the police and do that everytime he has a fit about anything - firstly they are there to protect you and secondly it will all be ammunition you can use if you have to - no judge would give a child to a man who they have seen so little of especially at your DDs age - it would actually never get to court.

Have you been to the doctors??

Can yuo do anything about your job, part time, work from home?? You may have a drop in wages but then you will probably be entitled to something from the DSS and how is it going with the CSA?? (I am dreading even contacting them!!).

Original poster
salt · 02/02/2004 13:02

CSA are worse than useless. Didn't think much of them before I called, think even less now. Still it's for the best in the long run, they just don't know what they're doing, that's all. Every month since October I've had a letter telling me payments would start the next month... only to receive another letter.

Not been to the doctors. Have decided to look for a new job but not less hours, just a change.

OP posts:
StressyHead · 02/02/2004 13:11

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