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Original poster

Where do we stand as a couple to get custody??? HELP!

50 replies

Dreams · 23/01/2004 13:15

My Partner has a son who is 5 and is desperate to save him from the life he is in now!
We live about 4 hours away from him as he lives with his Mother !
He is not properly cared for any many ways he hardly gets taken to school and has got new Men in and out of his life day in day out!

He comes to stay with us in ever school Holiday and always ends up crying that he does not want to go home cause he does not like his mummy!
He says she is nasty to him!
At the end of the day we have to take him back cause it would only cause more trouble than its worth to not do it!
I am very very close to him as a step Mum and i love him as much as i love my own little boy!
It really makes me hurt inside to see this all happening and knowing there is a loving home here for him with me his dad and his baby half brother

But the thing that stops is ....we don't know where we stand in this situation as my partner is not on the birth certificate does anyone know if this stops you from getting custody he has been in his sons life from when he was born apart from 4 months when the mother would not let him see his son!

This really is a nasty upsetting situation and i do find it hard to deal with!

Does anyone have an experience like this ?
Does anyone know where we stand in getting custody of him or even I mean his Dad getting custody of him on a full basis??
Any advice and help Needed!

OP posts:
aloha · 23/01/2004 13:59

I would like to add, you will get parental responsibility (or your dp will, rather) even if she opposes it, it is just a little more complex. Your dp will definitely get it though, I promise.

sobernow · 23/01/2004 14:00

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aloha · 23/01/2004 14:01

Tom is right that it won't make much difference to contact (ie the amount of time your dp sees his son) but if there is ANY question of the child going into care you MUST get a PRO, otherwise your dp won't even be informed this has happened. I personally would call social services to tell them that your dp is going for a PRO and wants to be kept informed about his son.

aloha · 23/01/2004 14:02

Sobernow, you had to give your consent because your dp isn't the child's parent (If I am reading your post right). A father is entitled to PRO unless there are utterly overwhelming reasons why not (eg he is a paedophile killer and in jail for life - and I'm not joking!).

Original poster
Dreams · 23/01/2004 14:04

Thanks for all your info peeps its looks and sounds very hard and stressful but i think the first step is to get a Parental Responsibility i don't think my Dp realises all that you have said to me here so i will have to explain !
We are only young so find it all confusing but glad i have written all my thoughts and concerns on here did not realise there would be so much help,info, and support flooding in.
Thanks all.

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Original poster
Dreams · 23/01/2004 14:06

aloha well at least he gets to know where and what is going of with his son!
I will have to let him know all this does it take long to apply?

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sobernow · 23/01/2004 14:07

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sobernow · 23/01/2004 14:09

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aloha · 23/01/2004 14:10

Sobernow, sorry, got wrong end of stick. If you want a parental responsibility AGREEMENT then that's based on you agreeing to it (duh!) but if HE wants a PRO then you don't - he will be entitled as the father with an involvement with his child. My dh's ex didn't want him to have it (stupid cow but that's another story) and the judge told her either she signs or he would overrule her.

aloha · 23/01/2004 14:10

Oh, Sobernow the 'duh' wasn't aimed at you!!!!! It was because I was thinking my explanation was clunky - I like you very much please dont' hate me!!!

Original poster
Dreams · 23/01/2004 14:10

My partner was not married to this women !

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Original poster
Dreams · 23/01/2004 14:12

so he can automaticall get a PRO? with out her say! does he even have to tell her?

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aloha · 23/01/2004 14:14

Dreams, it's pretty automatic but not instant. I would really try to let her know what is happening and explain that the PRO just means your dp can, for example, take the boy to hospital and sign a consent form if he had an accident or fell ill while with you (at present, technically, he can't). As Tom says, amicable agreements are the way to go - the court system is horrific and frighteningly expensive. Put it to her that you are prepared to take on the costs and stuff of looking after him - don't criticise her and she may well agree. YOu don't know until you try. Only go to court re residence if all else fails. I still recommend the PRO though. Your local court will help you with the forms and FNF will help you with other queries. Again, good luck, that little boy is lucky to have you.

aloha · 23/01/2004 14:15

Not being married to her doesn't matter - in fact, if he was married to her he wouldn't need one as he would have parental responsibility automatically. And yes, he can get it without her consent, but she will know about it - that's why I say talk to her first.

Quackers · 23/01/2004 14:18

This is very disturbing for you I'm sure. I can only say what I would do in your situation. I suppose to be seen to be reasonable you have to start at the bottom and prove that you have spoken to her about you concerns and offer to come to an arrangement. This could include financial arrangements so she doesn't miss out on the benefits she gets, but should be formalised by a solicitor. In any case, legal advice should be obtained so that you know your rights exactly and your boundaries. If this strategy fails, then you move to the next level, using legal rights (if any). If you have no legal rights and this poor lamb is as unhappy as you say and his mother neglects him, then I would take the final option open to me and would be via social services. A log of evidence would be so valuable if you chose this route. If you feel so strongly that he is suffering, then you will do whatever you can to make this little boy, comfortable, loved and wanted. My heart goes out to you and DP, I do hope you manage to get some expert advice and resolve this awful situation as soon as humanely possible.
Be strong xxxxx

Original poster
Dreams · 23/01/2004 14:18

thanks aloha i will update you all with all if any news!
Going to get the PRO sorted First!

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Original poster
Dreams · 23/01/2004 14:21

Thanks quackers xxxx

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sobernow · 23/01/2004 14:31

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Original poster
Dreams · 23/01/2004 14:36

sobernow mumsnet is great have not been on here long but i find its a place to come and chat about anything that is worrying you or anything at all and i like that!
Fantastic place to come where would i be without it ............... LOST!!
Thansk again :0

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Original poster
Dreams · 23/01/2004 14:37

why can i not do the faces?? they dont seem to come out !!! ermmmmmmm

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StressyHead · 23/01/2004 14:38

message withdrawn

aloha · 23/01/2004 14:44

Whew Sobernow! I upset someone totally inadvertently on another thread and am not a bit paranoid....

Dreams - do let us know how it goes

Tom - pleased to see you are still out there, you sneaky little lurker you

aloha · 23/01/2004 14:45

I am NOW a bit paranoid, I mean (duh!).

Original poster
Dreams · 23/01/2004 16:14

sorry back right here goes my faces

Hope it works!!!

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Original poster
Dreams · 23/01/2004 16:15

yes it worked thanks for that .......hiding in the corner now must look very dum indeed !!

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