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Original poster

This article about sex really depressed me

143 replies

Caligula · 15/04/2006 14:43

\link{http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story/0,,1753327,00.html\here}

And made me think we need a new dose of feminist conscious-raising. I'm aghast to think my DD will grow up in a world where she's expected to do this mechanical sex and wax her pubes and be treated like a whore as a normal dating experience.

Come back Mary Whitehouse, all is forgiven

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Heathcliffscathy · 15/04/2006 14:49

caligula i'm not going to even click the link as it was in saturday guardian magazine wasn't it? i was going to post about it, it's awful. so true. and one of the reasons that i seeth when i see and hear women telling me that feminism and women's liberation are obsolete.

Original poster
Caligula · 15/04/2006 14:54

That's the one Soph

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Moondog · 15/04/2006 15:40

Hmmm,another case of journalists getting overexcited I think.
However,did find myself nodding my head vigorously when reading the Pope's Good Friday address re the 'filth around us' and man's 'decadent narcissism'.

Am also staggered at the vulgarity and coarseness of music videos when at the gym (only place I ever see them.)

hockeymum · 15/04/2006 15:59

I'm always depressed when I go to the swings in my quiet well off suburb and there are a gang of 13 year old girls there talking about who they have "sucked off" and listing them like they should be proud of double figures or something. It does shock me how much pressure there is on pre teen girls to be sexually provocative.

Similarly the case study on the mother was sad, it's a shame to think she feels obliged to comply with her husbands needs even if she is shattered from parenting all day. Sod that for a game of soldiers! I'd rather wait till I'm not exhausted and actually feel in the mood. I'm sure dh would rather we had it less often when we were both really enjoying it, than feel like I was thinking "oh its been 2 weeks, I might as well lie back and think of England"!

It's so sad that in this day and age the article would suggest that things are done under peer pressure and media pressure rather than from desire and love.

Obviously I am an old prude at heart!

GDG · 15/04/2006 16:14

I was quite shocked at teh average number of sexual partners - did it say it has risen from 2 to 4 for women under 45? Or did I read it wrong? From threads on MN it seems higher than that to me!

jofeb04 · 15/04/2006 16:35

the thing is do we believe the amount of lovers some of these have said they have had!!!

sfxmum · 15/04/2006 16:45

not yet seen the gruniad but always annoyed when young girls with not enought clothes on say - a feminist?! i am not a lesbian!Shockwtf?

what ever happened to self respect? fight for liberation to end up objects with delusions of being free...
oh must shut up now, have a daughter to raise

expatinscotland · 15/04/2006 16:53

I agree 100% w/this comment

'The women are in agreement that they regret casual encounters only because men seem incapable of managing them with manners afterwards. "You suggest breakfast and they say, hey, this is just a one-night stand. And you think, get over yourself. You can't have a conversation and a coffee?"

I was ALWAYS the one to leave first so they wouldn't get any more idea of how great they were [rolls eyes].

I even went out w/this guy a couple of times - NO sexual contact at all. He told me all his dull life story, including willingly contracting herpes simplex II from his previous girlfriend b/c he thought she was 'the one' - should've left right after that, but he was paying for dinner :o. I went over his house to use him for a printer one night, and he comes out with, 'I don't want to be romantically involved with you.' Huh? After TWO dates?! I didn't even think before blurting out, 'What makes you think anyone would want to be romatically involed with YOU? I mean, you've got a gorilla back and herpes, ffs. You're 27 and you don't even have a real job b/c you haven't finished uni. See ya!'

Sex is overrated. The last man I dated before DH was typified in this article: a 40-something who lived in a sort of fantasy world.

Every encounter had to be like something out of a blue movie.

I went off him in a VERY short amount of time b/c of that. L-O-S-E-R.

Plus, who has time for all that?

GDG · 15/04/2006 17:07

LOL Expat! You do make me laff!

expatinscotland · 15/04/2006 17:08

i think a lot of these blokes are so rammed up their own arses they'd be a shite shag, anyway.

for real. what i regret most were blokes like this, who thought they were all that.

it was up to me to inform them, as i booted them out the door at 3AM so i could get some sleep, that they weren't.

lilstarry1 · 15/04/2006 17:21

Sex should be funny, and if it isn't you're not doing it with the right person... I've never screwed around with someone I wasn't comfortable enough to laugh with afterwards... I'm not sure what message I want my little girl to grow up with, I want her to be an empowered intelligent woman, but I also want her to be a sexually empowered woman... I think too many men have the power, and that's just a joke because most haven't got a clue of what they should be doing.

I figure rather than trying to stop young girls screwing around (not going to happen nowadays) we should educate them about power and contraception... so at least when they do get involved they are doing it for their own gain.

Or am I just insane? :)

Heathcliffscathy · 15/04/2006 17:27

i think many many women don't even know themselves what really turns them on nevermind being able to ask a partner for it

marthamoo · 15/04/2006 17:30

What an utterly depressing article. Makes me glad I'm old (and fearful for what lies ahead for my sons...)

Heathcliffscathy · 15/04/2006 17:38

me too mm

maybe in a cyclical way it will all have changed by then [hopeful emoticon]?

marthamoo · 15/04/2006 17:42

Like in the States where the "True Love Waits" movement is gaining momentum? I don't know which is worse Grin I can cope with the idea of my boys having sex (almost...) but not the sort of sordid, porn-fuelled stuff that's in that article. Innocent fumblings at the cinema was more the kind of thing I had in mind (worked for me).

Original poster
Caligula · 15/04/2006 17:45

I suspect it will.

Society is always going through liberalisations followed by reining back in.

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Original poster
Caligula · 15/04/2006 17:46

What's so truly depressing is that so many boy's first introduction to women as sexual beings, is via porn.

Horrible.

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Heathcliffscathy · 15/04/2006 17:46

it's not lack of innocence that scares me on behalf of ds. it's him being so bombarded by images and expectations from his peers and internet/media sources of info/porn that there is no room for him to actually develop a sense of his own sexuality, there is no authenticity left as he is 'in a film'. that will make him a crap lover and less than whole as a person imo. that's what scares me.

expatinscotland · 15/04/2006 17:48

well put, soph.

Original poster
Caligula · 15/04/2006 17:50

Totally agree. It really distorts human sexuality because everything is seen through that porn prism.

I mean, look at that Romans series with all its naked women with their Brazilians. That imagery is straight off porn stuff surely? The producers wouldn't really claim they researched it and Roman women all waxed off pubic hair would they? Why are they all buying into this porn culture so enthusiastically.

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Heathcliffscathy · 15/04/2006 17:52

have you got boys or girls expat?

if i had a girl i'd be telling her that penetration is absolutely not the be all and end all sex wise and that most of the real fun and pleasure lies elsewhere...and that many of the risks lie there.

actually i'll probably be telling ds that too tbh.

penetration-centric sex is rarely much good ime.

Heathcliffscathy · 15/04/2006 17:53

it's desexualising women imo. making them ino non hairy little girls.

very dodgy

Heathcliffscathy · 15/04/2006 17:56

i've killed the thread with tmi Blush

Original poster
Caligula · 15/04/2006 17:58

I do hate the idea that we shouldn't try and stop them screwing around and just educate them about condoms. The condom culture is not a particularly great one.

Screwing around when you're 14 or 15 isn't usually a sign of liberation, confidence and joy. It's usually a sign of a seeking for male approval, insecurity and not really knowing what you want. I hope I can manage to get the message across to my DD that screwing around when she's a young teenager is probably not something she'd benefit greatly from, without making it taboo, dirty or forbidden fruit. I don't really know how that can be achieved though.

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marthamoo · 15/04/2006 17:58

That bit about being hairless made me soooo glad I'm not single. Dh is so bloody grateful he doesn't care if I resemble a gorilla (how's that for tmi then Grin?)

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